UPJOKE

Left And Right Jokes

Trump has two brains: left and right

Just that on the left, there’s nothing right;
On the right, there’s nothing left...

If Left and Right get in an argument...

... And Right left, does that make Left right?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once met a guy named Charlie who pulled chicks left and right...

I asked him "how do you have so many girls?" and he mentioned that they always come back to him.

"My secret, is before having sex, I'll whip out my dick and bang it against the fridge. That way it gets numb and I last longer making my woman feel good."

So that night I went home to my w...

Can secretaries really write memos with both their left and right hands at the same time?

Or is that just stereotyping.

How does someone with a prostethic hand tell the difference between left and right?

Righty tighty, lefty loosy.

James LeBron has done what so few people can: he’s unified the country, left and right.

Also, did you know that the Chinese put their family name *first*, to honor their ancestors?

I don't see why people are getting so heated about alt-left and right

I mean, both keys do the exact same thing

Why do musicians look left and right before crossing the road?

If they didn't, they'd Bb!

If I was a cop I would be ticketing people for not using their turn signals..

Left and right

Atheist Bus Driver

(Turkish Joke, couldn't find it on Reddit, hopefully the translation does justice)

So I met a guy in jail whose nickname was "Atheist". I finally asked him why everyone called him this way; so he started telling his story:

"Well, I was a bus driver in our village. One day while driving...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got called into human resources today because of a couple of incidents and was asked if I knew the difference between left and right wing. Outraged, I told them to fuck off as my politics was my business! They still fired me though...

...turns out aircraft are really expensive to fix.

A great tragedy befalls Russia

At a state dinner dozens of high ranking officials have died. After eating a mushroom cream soup generals started falling to the floor left and right.

The investigation is quick: the official cause is mushroom poisoning. Members of the press are invited to the scene of the tragedy.

"A...

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