I always learn from the mistake of others

Who take my advice.

Interviewer: "What did you learn from your previous job?"

Me: "That I need a new job."

They say you should learn from mistakes

So then why did my parents have another kid after me?

I hear that you're supposed to learn from your mistakes

Probably why I'm an only child.

If there's one thing we can learn from Mac Miller...

It's how to get out of attending your ex's wedding

What do children learn from Green Eggs and Ham?

If someone you strongly dislike really really wants you to eat something strange for no apparent reason, you should try it.

My mother learns a lot from me...

You know how the saying goes. You learn from your mistakes.

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A young boy walks in on his sister masturbating with a vibrator.

Innocent and confused about the anatomy, he asks, "What are you doing? Where is your penis?"

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Not wanting to explain the real stuff, the sister replied, "I lost mine in an accident. I was just massaging the wound. "

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The boy says, "You should learn...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

So why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her e...

Here are three ways to tell if someone isn't attentive:

1)They don't make eye contact
2)They interrupt
3)They don't learn from mistakes
4)They miss important details

Mating Bull

A man takes his wife to the stock show. As they start heading down the alley that had all the bulls, they come up to the first bull's stall and the sign in the stall read: "This bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year. You could lea...

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Pat and Mick were in the pub

Monday night and Pats at the bar when Mick walks in with a black eye.

Pat: "What happened you, Mick?"

Mick: "I was in Mass yesterday and Missus Mckenna was sitting infront of me when I notice her dress tucked in between her bum cheeks. So I pull the dress out but she turns around a de...

I try to teach my mom something new every day.

They say you're supposed to learn from your mistakes

Worms

Four earthworms are placed in four separate test tubes:

1st in beer
2nd in wine
3rd in whiskey
4th in mineral water

The next day, the teacher shows the results:

The 1st worm in beer, dead.

The 2nd in wine, dead.

The 3rd in whiskey, dead.

The 4th in ...

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Jew praying to god

A Jew having no children, no money, no home and a blind mother, prays sincerely to God to improve his life.

God is very pleased with his prayer, and grants him one wish, just one!

The Jew says OK God, thanks, my one and only wish is - 'I want my Mom to see my wife putting one hundred m...

In science class, 3 worms were places into 3 different jars.

The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a jar of soil.

After one day, these were the results:

The first worm in alcohol ---dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke --- dead.<...

a group of mathematicians and a group of economists travel to a meeting by train...

a group of mathematicians and a group of economists travel to a congress by train

the economists all buy a ticket, the mathematicians buy a single ticket for their whole group

when the conductor comes around, the economists all show their respective tickets

the mathematicians on...

Men In Heaven

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter the Pearly Gates, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women.

I want all the women to report to St...

Trump and Obama - oldie but goldie

It's time for Obama to step down. As a final duty Obama gives Trump the combination to the office safe and tells him, "There are three envelopes in there labelled "1", "2", and "3". If you end up in trouble, open envelope "1". He says his goodbyes and rides off into the sunset.

A couple of we...

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My hot mother-in-law seduced me.

I was dropping off something for my wife when she called me upstairs and started touching my chest. My father-in-law was not home, apparently. She told me that she'd always thought I was cute as she started caressing her own body, trying to seduce me.

She told me I had two options.

1. ...

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell...

Three couples are eating breakfast in the hotel restaurant

They're early birds, and the only ones there. It's an American, an English and a Norwegian couple. The American says to his wife

"Can you send me the sugar, sugar?"

The Englishman overhears him, and, thinking he can't be any worse than an American, asks his wife

"Will you pass...

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Little Johnny returns to school after Thanksgiving break,..

and the teacher asks the class if anyone had an experience they learned from over the vacation.
The first child raises their hand and says, "I spilled my milk at dinner and I learned not to cry over spilled milk."
The teacher says very good and calls on Little Johnny next.
Johnny lau...

A man was traveling for

work, and he made his way to the airport. As he enters, a deep voice tells him "don't go! You will die". He turns around, but nobody is behind him. Spooked, he decided to go back home. As he arrives home, he sees in the news that the airplane he was supposed to board crashed and all passengers died....

My son and I were having a fight.

"You never learn from your mistakes!" he complained.

I told him I have learnt a lot from him.

Well you know what they say about history.

Those who don't learn from history:

Those who don't learn from history.

A Czech and a lawyer go camping

Two friends, a Czech and a lawyer were on a vacation to Canada and decided they would go camping for a few days. so sure enough the first night they camped out two bears showed up. They were awakened by the rustling noises outside and got up to see what was out there. The bears became startled and o...

My dad got fired today and asked me to be his teacher.

His boss told him to learn from his mistakes.

Enrique Peña Nieto, Malala Yousafzai, and Donald Trump are walking along a beach

It's a bit of an oldie, and I think the last time I heard it, it came off as pretty racist. But I think the current political climate allows me to rehash it better.

Enrique Peña Nieto, who is the Mexican President, is walking along the beach one day with the US President, Donald Trump, and p...

An Archaeologist Found an Ancient Vase at a Dig Site...

and as he began to inspect the runes carved in it, he started dusting it off, and a genie came screaming out of it in rage.


"**Who disturbs my slumber**! I have been asleep for thousands of years, and *you* dare to wake ***me***? I should kill you where you stand!"

The archaeologis...

A husband and wife are unable to have children, so they decide to adopt...

They eventually find a boy from Spain named Juan, and bring him back to America to live with them.

Years later, they learn from the adoption agency that Juan has a twin brother, who was raised by an Arab family. His parents were tragically killed, so the boy, named Amal, needs a home to live....

A Boy on the farm

One day in the summertime, a young boy awoke and was very hungry. He groggily stumbled into his parents' room to find his mother stirring but still in bed.

"Mommy I'm hungry"

"Well honey go out to the coop and get some eggs and I'll cook breakfast."

So the boy went out across th...

How to get a job...

Interviewer: "What's your biggest weakness?"

Interviewee: "I never learn from my mistakes"

Interviewer: "Oh, why's that?"

Interviewee: "I never make any"

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Johnny learns a moral

The teacher tells the students to go home and learn a moral for homework. The next day the teacher started with Sarah asking her what moral she learned.
"I was helping my momma bring in the groceries and the bag ripped and I dropped the milk and started to cry and my momma said "don't cry ove...

The worm sermon

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of choc...

A Dad finds out his Son has a new girlfriend...

He calls his Son upstairs to his bedroom and asks him to sit down.
The father says, in a very steady tone,

"Son, let me tell you a story.
There was once a dog who used to live at a train station. One day, the dog fell asleep by the railroad tracks and left his tail on one of the tracks...

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A priest decides to show some concrete examples about a sinful life during sunday mass.

He brings 4 closed jars. The first jar is filled with alcohol. The second one with cigarette smoke. The third one with sperm. The fourth one with clean water.

Inside each jar, there is an earthworm.

The priest starts talking about the examples of sinful life and shows each jar to the p...

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Little kids turn to speak about what he learned from a relative's experience?

The little kid says, "My grandfather was flying over enemy territory during WW2 when he was hit and he had to eject from the plane. On the way down he pounds a 1/5 of whiskey. Once he landed he killed the first 20 guys he saw with his rifle. He proceeded to kill another 12 with his pistol, 5 more of...

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