UPJOKE

Late Night Jokes

Three men had a very late night drinking Guiness.

Three men had a very late night drinking Guinness.

They left in the early morning hours and each went to their home. The next day, they all met for an early pint, and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.

The first guy claims that he was the drunkest, saying, "I drove ...

A man and a woman are lying in bed late night...

...and the woman asks her man: "Honey, do you prefer smart or pretty women?" and the man responds calmly: "Neither, baby, I prefer you."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Late Night

A guy was standing in a bar when a stranger walks in.
After a while they get to talking and at about 10:30 PM the second guy says, "Oh well,I better get home.My wife doesn't like me to stay out during late night."
The first guy replies, "I'll help you out of this. Just do what I say. Go home. ...

One night four college students were out partying late

One night four college students were out partying late night and didn’t study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.

In the morning, they thought of a plan. They made themselves look dirty with grease and dirt. Then they went to the teacher and said they had gone out to a weddi...

Late Night Vet Call...

Her dog was on heat, but she agreed to look after her neighbor's male dog while the neighbor was on vacation.

She had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling sounds. She rushed downstairs an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Late Night After the Bar

Was walking down the street with a buddy the other night after the bar, we suddenly stop when he spots what he assumed was shit on the floor. I asked “hey, how can you be sure it’s shit?” He looks at me as if he just had a brilliant idea, he bends over takes his index finger and dips it in the suppo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My first time posting here, made up this one late night so, please be gentle with me kind stranger...

So a Cambodian guy walks into a bar,
He orders a drink from the bartender.
The bartender was new to the place and hasn't seen much foreigners so confused by the customer's race he makes conversation saying.
"Hey your people are famous for their great sushi I've heard"

The guy looks...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk man enters his house after a late night at the bar...

Not wanting to wake up his wife and receive a scolding from her, he decides to take off his shoes. While taking off his shoes, the Coo-coo Clocks goes off.

Coo-coo, Coo-coo, Coo-coo.

Thinking the noise will surely wake his wife, he thinks quickly and decides to extend the Coo-coo sound...

Why do late night comedians skew left wing?

Because the right wing viewers have to work in the morning.

Late Night Traffic Stop

A man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, hookers,
alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late."
The officer the...

My dad gave up his job of being a late night radio DJ.

He took up a new job as a railway construction worker. Talk about a career change, but I guess he just couldn’t give up his love for laying tracks.

Dracula was casually walking down the street for a late night stroll.

All of a sudden, a mozzarella stick flies through the air and hits him on the side of the head. He looks around slightly perplexed, but doesn't think too much of it.

A few meters further on and a chicken wing smacks him in the nuts. As he doubles over in pain, out of nowhere, he is drenched i...

what's this joke mean at late night show?

Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz recently said that despite rumors, he is not considering running for president in 2020. He wanted to, but they keep misspelling his name on the banner.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Late night phone convo

BF: Ok you hang up

GF: No, you hang up

BF: No, you first

GF: Nooo, you first

NSA: Shut the fuck up and hang up already!

Who hosts the Late Night Show in North Korea?

Jimmy Kim-il

Why are ducks the best late night booty call?

Because they are always down

My girlfriend and I were about to go for a late night walk.

Her dad said, "Don't forget to wrap up."

I said, "Don't be silly, she's on the pill."

Late night we were driving home when one of my drunk friends was cracking jokes

I died laughing. Don't drink and drive.

A late night booty call woke me from a deep sleep...

that damn cricket better have got some!

Late night At an empty gas station a man fills up his car and pays for the fuel...

He gets into the car and grips the steering wheel tightly before saying: now only one of us is empty..

What did the rubber ball say when he left the yo-yo's late night house party?

You better get some sleep - I'm gonna bounce!

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