UPJOKE

King Size Bed Jokes

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A man died and was sent to hell. The devil was feeling generous and gave him three choices.

The devil took him to the first room.

The room was empty except for a pool of scalding hot water. The man saw George Bush, jump into the pool, climb out and jump back in again.
The devil said "That's his punishment. He has to jump into the pool for eternity. If you pick this room, you ta...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This guy walks into a Mercedes agency and asks for the top executive model.

Money is not an issue, but the car has to have everything installed. And he means EVERYTHING he is not joking. The company goes and install usb sockets for each passenger, a blue tooth operated coffee machine (with proper grinder, not that bullshit with capsules), a GPS tracking got each wheel and t...

The 4 hour erection...

I went to a chemist store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. 

The woman I spoke to said she was the only pharmacist and since she and her sister owned the store, there were no male employees. 

She asked if she could help me.

I said that I really would have preferred to spea...

I took a look at my wife one day and said ...

... "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a small sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but at least I got to sleep with a hot 25-year-old blonde every night.

Now, we have a nice house, nice cars, big king size bed and plasma screen TV, but now I'm...

A man finds himself in a hotel lobby. The lady at the front desk is giving him big "F me" eyes.

Now, sure, he's seen prettier women in his lifetime. But she's a solid seven, and looking at him in such a sultry fashion that his knees nonetheless knock together nervously.

"You can have me, right here, right now, or you can carry on to success," she whispers, tracing her finger slowly down...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man dies and goes to hell..

The devil is waiting for him.

"I'm not sure what to do with you." says the Devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. As you have to stay here definitely, I'm going to have to let someone else go."

"I have got 3 folks here who weren't as bad as you were. I will let 1 of th...

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