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Kindergarten Teacher Jokes

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A kindergarten teacher is teaching her students about the five senses.

Today, she's demonstrating to the class the sense of taste. To do so, she unwraps a bunch of candies and has the students guess what flavor they are. The students are doing great at first. They correctly guess the flavor of every candy, until they get to a honey-flavored one. For several minutes, th...

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A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word “definitely.” To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence.

The first student raises his hand and says, “The sky is definitely blue.”

The teacher says, “Well, that isn’t entirely correct, because sometimes it’s gray and cloudy.”

Another student says, “Grass is definitely green.”
The teacher again replies, “If grass doesn’t get enough wate...

Mrs Laura a kindergarten teacher asked her class "what things we can eat?" "Bread" "Yes" "Hamburger" "Ok"

A girl answered "Light",
"Omg" shouted the teacher, "how can light be eaten?"
"Last night I heared mom whispering to dad 'turn the light off and put it in my mouth'".

My wife said we could each have 3 hall passes. She picked Henry Cavil, Jason Momoa, and Matt Damon; but then she got mad at me for my picks...

Apparently her sister, our kids kindergarten teacher and and Kelsey in the marketing department were the wrong answers.

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Girl in a super market says to a guy.

Girl: Hi there:

Guy: Do I know you?

Girl: I think you're the Father of one of my Kids:

Guy: are you the stripper that I made love to on the pool table while all my buddies were watching?

Girl: No I'm your Sons Kindergarten Teacher.

A kindergarten teacher was observing the children while they drew.

She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s artwork.

As she got to Little Johnny who was working diligently, she asked what his drawing was.

Little Johnny replied, “I’m drawing God.”

The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”

Without m...

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A new Kindergarten teacher greets her class.

"Hello boys and girls, my name is Ms Prussy, it's like pussy in pussy cat but with an R."
The next day after her class has come in she asks "Does anyone remember my name?" Little Johnny blurts out "Yeah, it's Ms Crunt!"

Teacher Day at kindergarten

On a special teacher's day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it over her head, and said, "I bet I know what it is - flowers!"

"That's right!" said the boy, "but how did you know?"

"Just a wild gues...

A kindergarten teacher asks her students what animals provide us...

She said, "What does a chicken give us?" and the students replied, "Eggs". She then asked, "What does a pig give us?" and the students replied a joyous "Bacon". Finally she asked "What does a cow give us?" and before anyone could answer little Johnny said "Homework".

Joke provided by my ten y...

Students of kindergarten teachers are getting fatter and fatter

Their pupils are dilating.

A kindergarten teacher tells her students that sharing is caring.

A kindergarten teacher tells her students that sharing is caring. She says she wants them all to show that they care by sharing something.

The Russian kid gives everyone a shot of vodka.

The Colombian kid hands out cocaine.

The American kid runs towards the window and attempts...

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A Kindergarten teacher brings her class varies samples of meat...

She passes the first sample out, the students eat it, and asks, "Does anyone know what that was?"
She chooses a student and he says that it's steak.
"Good!" She passes out the second sample and asks if they know what it was.
A student yells, "It's chicken!" "Good, very good."
Sh...

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A kindergarten teacher asked her students what part of the body grew 10x its size when stimulated.

All of the students stayed quiet until Little Susie stood up and said, "I'm going to tell my mommy and daddy what you're teaching us!"

The teacher didn't answer her and asked the class again, "What part of the body grows 10 times its size when stimulated?"

Little Susie began to turn re...

My son’s kindergarten teacher was arrested for heroin possession…

In hindsight, the small pupils were a dead giveaway…

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A kindergarten teacher was playing a game with her class

The game involved little hard candies, handing one of each flavor to every student. She told her students to eat the red ones first, then guess what it tastes like. They all ate the red one and after a few minutes they guessed it tasted like Strawberries, they were correct. Next the teacher had them...

A kindergarten teacher was telling her students about different kinds of animals.

"Whales are the largest" she said, "but they can't swallow people, because their throats are too small."
"But in the Bible, it says that Jonah was swallowed by a whale", said a little girl. "You can't always believe what you read", the teacher replied. "Well, when I go to heaven", said the little...

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A kindergarten teacher asked her students to talk about what they did during the recent school holidays.

She asked them to use "grown-up words" as opposed to baby language.

The first little one said he went to see his "nana." The teacher said, "No! You went to see your 'grandmother.' Use grown-up words."

The next little one said she went for a trip on a "choo choo." The teacher said again...

My son's kindergarten teacher is such a hardass, she failed him on his alphabet test even though he got 25/26.

He still doesn't know y.

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A kindergarten teacher asked her students to each bring something that they like.

Bobby shares first. "I brought a bone, because I love my dog." "That's great," says the teacher. "Mary, you're next."
Meanwhile, at the back of the classroom, Jerry takes off all his clothes and wears a giant USSR flag, as everyone stares.


Mary brings forward a plant and says, "I broug...

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Kindergarten Teacher: Let's name a word that starts with each letter of the alphabet...

Teacher says, "Okay, let's start with letter A."
Little Johnny raises hand, teacher calls on him and he says "Ass, ass starts with the letter A." Teacher scolds Johnny and tells him it's inappropriate to talk like that in school.

Teacher then asks the class, "Who knows a word that starts ...

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The kindergarten teacher would never call on little Timmy in class...

One day the teacher said, " I'm going to say a letter of the alphabet, and you raise you hand and tell me a word that starts with that letter." The class looked very excited, but not as much as little Timmy. "A", said the teacher. Little Timmy jumped out of his chair waving his hand in the air. The...

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A Kindergarten teacher in Detroit asks her class what sound a pig makes...

A boy in the back of the class stands up and yells, "FREEZE MOTHA FUCKA"

For weeks, Tommy was telling his kindergarten teacher about the baby sister who was going to be coming to his house soon.

One day at home, Tommy's mother let him feel the baby kicking. Tommy didn't say anything, and he stopped talking about the baby at school. Finally the teacher sat Tommy down and said, "Whatever happened to your new baby sister?"

Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think my mummy ate her!...

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Ruffling some feathers.

A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella.

The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green. Little Johnny, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire-truck red.

After seeing th...

Do not speak with your mouth full

I said to my daughter as she was chewing on a huge bite of spaghetti.

- You are not allowed to do that im the kindergarten as well.

- Well, sometimes we are allowed to

- When?

- When the kindergarten teachers don't notice


She's turning 5 tomorrow. Spread some l...

Teacher's birthday

It was the kindergarten teachers birthday and the students decided that they would each buy their teacher a gift.

The first student, whose parents own a florist shop, gave her a present. She held it and said "I guess that it is flowers".

"How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She l...

A study by the Bureau of Consumer Protection has determined that the most common first name on consumer complaints is actually "Sharon."

My kindergarten teacher was right. Sharon is Karen.

Kids these days...

It was a very rainy day and the new kindergarten teacher was helping her children wear their galoshes. It was a tiresome job involving much pushing and shoving.

Finally it was young Barry's turn. The teacher pushed and pushed and finally helped him into his galoshes.

"You know," said ...

I'd always roll into class late super stoned or hung over, id try to sneak to my desk without people noticing

I really was a bad kindergarten teacher

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Show-and-Tell

A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show-and-tell" assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object that represented their religion to share with the class.

The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamine and I am Jewish and this is a Star of ...

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Almost...

The kindergarten teacher is warned about little Johnny’s vulgar mouth. He uses any excuse to say a bad word.

The teacher announces, “Class, today we are going to work on our alphabet. Who can spell a simple word that starts with ‘A’?”

Little Johnny’s hand shoots up. “Oh! Oh! Pick me...

You Can Go Home Early

Kindergarten teacher is teaching her class on the last day of summer term. She decides to let some of the kids go home for the holidays early as a treat. She first asks Ben what he did at lunch time.

 

Ben says he played football with Tyler. The teacher says that if Ben can s...

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Blueberry Hill

A kindergarten teacher is calling in students from recess when she notices several students are missing. A few minutes later, one of the students, a young boy, turns up in the class room.

"Why are you late?" the teacher asks.

"I was on top of Blueberry Hill" the boy replies, taking his...

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Little Johnny.

A kindergarten teacher told her students she was going to recite the alphabet and ask them to give her a word that begins with each letter. She began..."A". A few students raised their hands, including Little Johnny. The teacher thought to herself "I can't call on Little Johnny for the answer, he'll...

A scientist, a doctor and a janitor discover an old lamp...

The scientist rubs the lamp and sure enough a genie pops out! "Thank you for releasing me!" said the genie, "You can have anything you like, providing you do one days work of a different profession. You may choose what you want to do." The scientist goes first, "Well I've always thought that being a...

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A man went shopping

A man went shopping for some supplies in one of those overpriced stores. He got what he came for, and went to stand in line to check out. A young, attractive woman was waving to him, and he wondered why she would notice an old geezer like himself. He made his way over to her, and asked, "why did you...

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