UPJOKE

I just retired.

But I've been watching so much TV I consider myself a Remote Worker

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have just retired.

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for benefits.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left it at home. I told the woman I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman ...

A newlywed couple has just retired to their honeymoon suite to consummate their marriage

As they undress, the groom hands his pants to the bride and says, "here, put these on."

The bride pulls them on and says, "honey, I can't wear these pants, they're too big."

The groom replies, "that's right. I wear the pants in this relationship."

The bride then picks up her lac...

My father who comes from a long line of clowns just retired and wants me to continue the family legacy.

I've got some big shoes to fill

An elderly man who just retired

Went out and purchased a Porshe. He decided that he would go take his brand new car for a ride and see what it could do.
As he was speeding around the country side he sped past a police car on the side of the road.

The officer noticing him going well above the speed limit gave chase. The...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale.’

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a ...

[OC] An old man’s tire goes flat soon after he leaves a repair shop where he got his tires replaced on his car.

The old man doesn’t have enough money to pay for another replacement tire, and has to join the work force again. In his anger he screams out “But I just retired!”

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