UPJOKE

Just Fart Jokes

I just farted on my wallet

Now I have Gas Money!

*Told to me by my 9 year old daughter, who thought it's hilarious! (I agree lol)

I just farted…

And covered my mouth in embarrassment. My wife said, “I don’t know why you covered your mouth, that’s not where it comes from!”

I just farted on my wallet



Now I got gas money.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just farted

That's as close to me giving a shit, as your going to get.

Without a sound, my dad just farted...

He said it was silent but dadly

How can you tell if a clown has just farted?

They smell funny!

My wife just farted and I don't think I can be married anymore

Just an astute observation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife just let out a humongous fart, you could have heard it down the street...

Then she says, "sorry, I just farted"

I was like, "no shit!"

She said, "actually... maybe a little"

Old man goes to the Doctor

An Old man goes to the doctor and says:
Hello doc, I have an unusual problem my farts don't make a sound and they don't smell, I just farted like 20 times in the waiting room and nobody heard it nor smelt it, I mean I don't have a problem with that but I just want to know what's up?!
The doct...

a guy thing..

My three year old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I
was
on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
in
between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I
smelled something funny, so of course, I che...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is having dinner with his girlfriend's family for the first time...

As they're eating, a little squeeker escapes him before he realizes that he's got to fart.

"Spot!!" yells the mother

Relieved, the man thinks "I just farted and they thought it was the dog under the table! Thank goodness"

After a few more minutes the man realizes that he's got t...

A man and his wife were having a drink when a drunk from the next table yells, “Attention please!”

And lets out a gigantic fart.

The man angrily says, “What the hell do you think you are doing? Did you know you just farted before my wife?”

The drunk says, “My apologies sir. I had no idea it was her turn.”

A weird disease

An old women visits a doctor and says, " Doctor, I have a weird disease, I FART... But for some reason there is no smell or sound. I just farted now but as you can see... no sound.. no smell..nothing".


So doctor gives some medicines and asks her to visit after a week.


After a w...

Two sperm cells

Two sperm cells are swimming together.

One asks the other: "hey, did you just fart"?

"No", the other replies.

"Then I guess the idiot came in the wrong hole."

A drunk in the bar

There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says" Excuse me, you just farted before my wife." The drunks replies," I'm sorry I di...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink

After sitting he realises he really needs to fart, it's going to be a loud one. The man hears music in the bar and thinks to himself "I'll just fart along to the music so people don't really hear it. Perfect." He controls his butthole perfectly and is in perfect time with the music. However people a...

A young boy walks into an elevator.

There’s an older woman in the elevator already. The young boy asks the lady, “excuse me ma’m, did you just fart?”. The lady responds, “of course I did. What, do you think I smell like this all the time?”

If too many people talk behind your back,

just fart.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two strangers riding an elevator

"Excuse me, sir, did you just fart?"

"Did you?"

"Of course not!"

"Then why the fuck are you asking?!!!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wrote a rhyme when i was heartbroken in the toilet

“Here i sit broken hearted, i tried to shit but i just farted.”

Little Johnny comes home from school feeling very proud of himself.

Mom: Hello Johnny, you are looking very pleased about something.

Johnny: I got a question right that nobody else knew the answer to.

Mom: Oh that's brilliant, well done, what was the question?.

Johnny: Who has just farted?.

There was three guys and they decided to chuck something out of an aeroplane. The first guy dropped out a dagger. The second guy dropped out a boulder and the third guy dropped out a bomb. The first guy went home and he saw his dad crying in the yard and he asked his dad “what’s wrong?”

The dad says “a dagger fell out of the sky and hit my wife on the head and now she’s dead.

The second guy went home and it’s the same story, he asks his dad “what’s wrong?”

“A boulder fell out of the sky and hit my wife in the head and now she’s dead”

The third guy got home, a...

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