UPJOKE

Just Eat Jokes

I just found out there's an actual clinical name for when you can't sleep at night and just eat instead

It's called insomnomnomnomia

A man recently lost 28 pounds just eating chicken.

It’s the only recorded instance of one bird killing two stone.

I can just eat Chinese takeout every day.

I'm lo meintenance.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde woman visits her husband in prison Before leaving, she tells a correction officer: "You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!" officer laughs, saying: Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his cell!"

"Bullshit! He just told me he is been digging a tunnel for months!"

Why don’t vampires just eat juicy meats full of blood?

Too much cholesterol can get them a steak through the heart.

(Credit to u/down_vote_magnet for the punchline of this joke)

You know that weird urge you get to just eat something because its there?

Anyways i lost my job as a gynecologist

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mother shark is teaching her young how to eat humans...

"First, you go straight at them and then you circle them. You go straight at them again and circle them again. Finally, you go straight at them and then you eat them"

"But, mom, why can't I just eat them the first time around?"

"Well, I suppose you can, but why would you want to eat th...

Having children is a lot like making pancakes

The first one is always a bit weird, but you can always just eat it when no one is looking.

I was just eating cashews and one of them fell into my bra.

Is it still a cashew or is it a chestnut now?

Two prawns….

Two prawns were swimming around in the sea one day. The first one was called Justin and the second one was called Kristian. They were continually being chased and threatened by the sharks that inhabited the area.

Eventually Justin had had enough. He said to Kristian, "I'm fed up with being a ...

After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the dessert menu.

"Can I ask you something?" I said.



"Certainly," he replied.



I said, "Why did you just eat my food?"

Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking...

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the Mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now ...

In honor of my 7th cake day, I present to you, my Dad's favorite joke.

It's a really hot day and this penguin is having car trouble, so he takes it into a garage. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes." So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there he climbs in...

My son was eating his boiled egg for breakfast, when he said “dad, I think this egg is out of date.”

I said “stop messing about, just eat it.”

He said “but Dad it’s really really out of date.”

I said “I don’t care, just eat the damn thing!”

He said “Okay dad, but do I have to eat the beak and feet too?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pig and a donkey are standing out in a farm's field.

The pig tells the donkey: "Man, you sure have a crappy life. They take you out in the morning, have you drag carts, turn millstones, pull the plough, and after dark they feed you a nothing but hay. Meanwhile I'm just eating, sleeping and rolling around in the mud all day long, I sure am lucky not to...

Two cannibals are talking...

One says "I don't like my mother-in-law." The other one says "just eat the noodles."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

bright orange penis

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he has a bright orange penis. The doctor takes a look and sure enough, the man's penis is bright orange.

The doctor asks the man about his daily habits to see if he could get a clue about the cause of the malady.

The man says "My day is pret...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.