So I have a thing for science jokes and there's this one joke about Sodium that I really love.

But then I was like Na, reddit probably won't get it

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My grandpa loves jokes and over quarantine he sent us an extensive list of jokes. He called these ones groaners. Please enjoy. ( NSFW warning I don’t know how to tag it)

I lived in a houseboat for a while and started seeing the girl next door. Eventually, we drifted apart.



My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic. I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it is going to be on my own Accord.



A man tried to sell ...

What's the similarity between mom jokes and moms?

You can see them from a mile away.

So my wife is fed up with my dad jokes and asked me to stop telling them.

Me: how do you want me to stop?
Wife: whatever means necessary.
Me: ...? No it doesn't.

What's the similarity between my jokes and yo mama?

They never get hot

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What's the difference between 100,000 political jokes and a kid falling off a bike.

I still laugh every time I see a kid fall off a bike....
(For real this shit just ain't funny anymore fellas.)

I asked my friend why has he stopped making jokes and puns about Trump after he was sacked from the White House.

He said he's Biden his time

A mushroom goes into the hall of bad jokes and says “I’d like to submit a joke of my people”

The receptionist looks at him and says “listen buddy we have so many bad jokes here that I’m not sure we can squeeze yours in. It has to be exceptionally bad, let me hear it.”

Mushroom: “so a shroom goes on a date with this girl and she says ‘tell me about yourself’ and he says ‘well I’m a fu...

My wife said, “Why don’t you stop with your terrible jokes and write a book instead?”

I said, “That’s .....a novel idea.”

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What do jokes and U.S. Presidents have in common?

This one fucking sucks.

I would give a shout-out to everybody who posts original jokes and then those jokes get reposted.

But there's no option to give Creddit.

What does /r/Jokes and Facebook have in common?

Users both repost stuff from Reddit.

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What do dad jokes and pick-up lines have in common?

Both can lead to you saying "Fuck me."

Today is the first time I visited r/Jokes and couldn't understand why there's no flair called "Original Content"

Now I understand.

One day, a blonde was sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and wanted to prove herself

So she began going door to door to see if there was any type of work that she could do.

She arrived at this wealthy family home where she knocked on the door and a man answered. “Hi. I’m tired of being called blonde and being told that I’m dumb. Is there any job that I can do to prove my wor...

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Some people on this sub come up with crappy jokes and rely on the NSFW tag to make people curious...

I'm tired of clicking only to find that it's hardly even a fucking joke

What do my jokes and a hijacked plane have in common?

Neither of them land.

What's the difference between /r/Jokes and /r/DadJokes?

Your dad always pretends you are funny, not just on your cake day.

People often ask why I’m so good at Dad jokes and it’s simple.

I take an ordinarily terrible pun and take it even father.

Wanna hear two short jokes and a long one?

Joke. Joke.



OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Two jokes and a cop walk into a bar...

Two jokes and a cop walk into a bar. The jokes offer the bartender to tell themselves in return for a free drink. The bartender agrees. The first joke tells itself and gets its free drink. The cop shoots the second joke before it can start expressing itself as it is too dark.

What's the difference between dad jokes and bad jokes?

The first letter.



PS: as a dad I'm allowed.

What's the difference between the jokes on r/jokes and a class full of antivax kids?

You won't see the kids again next year.

What's the difference between r/jokes and my wife?

My wife quit sucking years ago.

What do you call an Indian doctor who likes telling dad jokes and give flu shots?

Pun-Jabby

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom.

As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!"

Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe.

The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself."

She said, ...

Dad jokes and Yo Mama jokes seem like they'd be the same

But the difference is a parent.

Mexican jokes and black jokes are all the same.

Once you’ve heard Juan, you’ve heard Jamal.

The people of Iranian city of Isfahan were famous for their jokes and puzzles.

An Iranian townsman planned to visit Isfahan so he asked his friends what they would like him to bring them from the glorious metropolis.

They said, "Don't bring us anything but something witty said by a person from Isfahan."

The guy promised he would remember their request. So, he wen...

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What’s the difference between your jokes and your penis?

Nobody laughs at your jokes

The boss tells one of his jokes and everyone burst out laughing in the office. Except for one guy.

When asked "Why didn't you laugh?"
He responded " I don't work here"

What do good jokes and beautiful women have in common?

I don't get either of them.

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What's the difference between /r/jokes and your mothers vagina?

Your mother's vagina gets some new content every once in a while.

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What's the difference between jokes and dicks?

My girlfriend doesn't laugh at my jokes.

*edited for spelling: "Mr" instead of "my"*

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What do your jokes and your mom's vagina have in common?

They're both old and overused

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whats a similarity between a post on r/jokes and the dick of its poster?

The poster flairs both as "long" when it isn't.

What do great jokes and unvaccinated kids have in common?

They both never get old.

Whats the similarity between dark jokes and children with cancer

They never get old

What do 9/11 jokes and planes that fly over New York have in common?

They don't always land.

What is the difference between anti-vaxx jokes and anti-vaxx children?

Anti-vaxx jokes live longer.

What does r/Jokes and a light post have in common?

They both brighten up your day.

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Jokes and sex have one thing in common....

...they both suck when you force them.

If I had a parrot, I’d teach him two or three pirate jokes and he would just repeat them over and over again, week after week the same jokes. Every time people would be mesmerized.

I’d name my parrot arrrrr/Jokes

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