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It Was Written Jokes

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A Czech joke for you. (I think it is at least, it was written on page categorised as that)

A Russian soldier unit is flying to Chechnya and the Captain motivates soldiers: "Men, for every Chechen head you will get a bottle of vodka." The plane lands, the door breaks down, the soldiers scatter. In a few minutes they return and everyone has brought a couple of heads. The captain is all pale...

Why doesn't the bible have an "about the author"?

It was written by a holy-ghostwriter

Braille

I once told a girl that her acne was so bad that it reminded me of Braille. I could tell she wasn't impressed, it was written all over her face.

The best graffiti I ever saw said “Go home Dad, you’re drunk again”

It was written right below the words “I f*cked yer mother”

I got an email from a hacker today..

It was written " you should transfer $500 to this btc, as I already know your full name, address and ssn".

I replied " so do I ".

“Just hit my hand as hard as you can”

Two workers were digging underground at a construction site . It was really a tiring job.

Worker A: “Why the hell we need to do all the hard job here for only a meager pay, while that arrogant foreman just sits there sipping the tea so comfy, and pockets much more than us?”

Worker B, ...

Why wasn’t the fungus invited on the road trip?

Because there wasn’t mushroom.

Please don’t blame my seven year old for this, it was written by an adult.

An apple

A sudden desert storm had made a traveler lost his direction. The only thing he had was an apple. It was so precious, whenever he was thirsty or hungry, he would only look at the apple, then he would walk again full of hope.

Unfortunately, he still died in the desert. It was written on the po...

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Why God never got a PhD

1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
t...

The darkest joke I have ever read

My wife just accused me of hating her side of the family and relatives. I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."

Edit - It was written in vantablack.

Why is bad code also referred to as 'spaghetti code'?

Because it was written by IT-aliens.

Have you read the book Grand Canyon mishap?

It was written by Illen Dover and Phil Lin.

Have you read Rusty Bed Springs?

It was written by I.P Nightly.

A Tale Of Two Letters

Stalin, knowing that his time was short and that Khrushchev would be his eventual successor, summoned Nikita to a very private meeting. After telling Khrushchev how lonely it could get at the top, Stalin said: "I've left for you two letters containing my wisest counsel in the bottom drawer of the...

Turned you on

Yesterday I saw a sign above a stove and it was written
"Please turn me off! How would you feel if somebody turned you on and then left?"

I bought a book of pick-up lines, but the pages were empty...

turns out it was written by Bill Cosby.

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Two Russians saw an advertisement for a job in Siberia.

Vladimir read it from beginning to end, a glowing account of a new town and industrial complex where there was sure to be full employment, high wages, luxurious Government-sponsored accommodation, and shops full of all the necessities and luxuries that roubles could buy. But just as he was reaching ...

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