The devil is rather bored. It's been a while since he's been up to some mischief...

So he picks a small countryside church to terrorize. He rolls in through the open door on a cloud of brimstone and dark lightning. The entire congregation scatters, save for the Pastor and an elderly farmer sitting in one corner chewing on a piece of straw. He is piqued, and wanders over to the farm...

Chuck Norris joke, cause it's been a while

Chuck Norris pull the pin in a grenade, threw it, killed 50 men, and then the grenade exploded.

Hunting Fun

Two guys go hunting one day and they come across a sheep with it's head stuck in the fence. The first guy says to his buddy, "Man I'm not gonna lie. It's been a while. This sheep is looking pretty good."

Second guy says, "sure dude. Go for it. I won't tell anyone."

So the 1st guy pulls...

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a rum and coke, but the bartender hands him an apple.

"What the hell is this? I ordered a rum and coke," the guy protests.

"Just take a bite of the apple," says the bartender. So, the guy bites the apple, and his eyes light up.

"Hey this apple tastes just like rum! What did you soak it in it?"

The bartender tells him, "Turn it arou...

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Donating

A woman (Tiffany) has fallen on hard times lately. She sees an ad online stating this company will buy her eggs for $200 a pop.

She goes to the building and gets in the elevator and presses the button for the 2nd floor. A man gets on and presses "5." The woman recognizes him as a friend from ...

Jesus and Moses were fishing on a lake one day.

Jesus and Moses were fishing on a lake one day.

Jesus: Hey Moses, when's the last time you parted the water. You still got it in you.

Moses: It's been a while. Let's see.

And standing in the boat he held out his hands and the water parted.

Moses: What about you? Can you ...

A tourist in Ireland goes into a local pub and orders a pint...

While sitting at the bar he gets into conversation with the barman and learns that it's a really close community who often meet and enjoy time together at the pub.
As they talk, a local stands up and the bar goes silent.
"Twenty four!" He calls out, before sitting back down, to which the estab...

A man gets a hooker and starts going on down on her when he suddenly pulls a small piece of carrot out of his mouth...

...well it's been a while, so undaunted, he continues. After a minute or so, he pulls a small piece of beef out of his mouth. At this point, he has to ask, "Ma'am, are you sick or something?" "No" she replies, "but the guy before you was."

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So there was this guy

So there was this guy, yeah?

He wakes up in the middle of the night, sees an angel standing at the foot of his bed.

Angel says, "Hey, man! Yeah... hate to tell you this, but, um... it's your, uh... time. Yeah."

Dude's all like, "Wait, what? Whaddya mean it's 'my time'?"

A...

A schoolreunion

A man named Chris sits down at a table at his high-school reunion. It's been a while since the last reunion, and he can't seem to remember a single face from the crowd.

Suddenly another guy sits down beside Chris. The man is very tall, about 6'3, and his face is stretched out. As if someone w...

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Two men are walking through the desert and stumble across a big rock

- Hey, what a weird rock!

- Yes, it looks like a pyramid!

They both dig and discover a huge pyramid.

- Shit! It's a giant pyramid!

- What do we do with this?

- We should notify the American archaeological team. These people are professional and I'm sure they'l...

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A WWII veteran goes to a doctor's appointment

An old veteran sits down in the doctor's office for his check up. As usual, the doctor goes through the necessary questions.

"Okay," says the doc, "when's the last time you were sexually active?"

"1946," says the veteran.

"Oh. It's been a while, huh?"

The veteran shrugs a...

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Hey Mr!

1 - Looks like you've gained a little weight! When's the last time you saw your penis?

2 - It's been a while

1 - Why don't you diet?

2 - Why? What color is it now?

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Fred loves camping, but his wife absolutely hates it (NSFW)

Every week Fred bugs his wife about it but its the same thing every time, she refuses to go camping. Finally having heard enough his wife says "fine, how about this? I have a list of things that need to be done around the house. If you finish everything on the list by Friday, I'll go camping with y...

Two old friends meet in bar...

[translated from Turkish]

-Hey Jack! How have you been! It's been months!

-Bonjour Monsieur ! Indeed, it's been a while


-"Bonjour Monsieur"? What's this French?

-Mais biensur !

-Don't screw with me Jack. I know you don't know French. We both went to the sam...

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There were two men in the gym showers

One was average build and the other was very large. The average build guy says, "Damn man, when's the last time you saw your dick?" The large man says, "I don't know, it's been a while." Average build guy says, "why don't you try to diet?" The Big guy says, "why? What color is it now?"

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A man out golfing meets a leprechaun [Long]

One Saturday afternoon in Ireland, a man is playing a round of golf on his local public course. As he approaches the eighth hole, he hits the ball and slices it pretty hard to the right. Grumbling, he walks out, deep past the weeds and into the tall grass of the surrounding forest, where he stumbles...

Jesus and Moses walking along the beach...

esus and Moses are walking along the beach when Moses says, "You know what? I'm going to try and part the ocean again." He throws his hands in the air and, magically, the ocean parts.

Jesus sees this and says, "I'm going to try to walk on water again." He walks up to the water, takes a step o...

I got slapped at the club the other day

I went dancing at a local club, hoping to get a little action since it's been a while. I met this gorgeous girl and asked her to dance, a little emboldened by the alcohol. After the first song with her body so close to mine, she leans in and says "You smell good! Whatcha got on?"

I said, "Wel...

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A layperson and a pastor walked into the heaven. The layperson was greeted by Saint Peter, while the pastor is greeted by Jesus.

The layperson got pissed off and asked, "Even in heaven you discriminate people?"

Saint Peter apologized, "Please understand him. It's been a while since the last time a pastor make it to heaven."

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A lumberjack just starts his job in Alaska...

So a lumberjack just starts his job in Alaska and it's been a while since he's been with a woman. So one day, he asks his boss what the other lumberjacks do for pleasure around here. He says "try the hole in the barrel out by the showers." So, the next day, the lumberjack is showering and he decides...

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