UPJOKE
northeastwestsouthernsouthfromofonwhichforatanintowithwithin

In The South Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Never choke in a restaurant in the South

Two hillbillies walked into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talked about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table who is eating a sandwich, began to cough.
After a minute or so, it became apparent that she was in real distress.
One of the hillbillies...

You guys know how the toothbrush was invented in the south?

Because if it was invented in the north, it would've been called a teethbrush.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Birth Control In The South

After having the 10th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough since they could not afford another kid.

So the husband went to his doctor and told him the he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy th...

Why don't they do reverse cowgirl in the South?

Because you never turn your back on family.

What's the difference between a Tornado, and a divorce in the south?

Nothing. Somebody is losing a trailer.
-Robin Williams

TIL 69 originated in a city in the south of France

Nice

There’s a saying in the South

If at first you don’t secede, ask for government help after and try again

What is the smallest body of water in the South?

The gene pool.

Speeding in the south

Years ago I was pulled over for speeding on the Atlanta connector. As he walked up to my window, I suppose the trooper didn't much like my Michigan license plates. "Son" he said, "no one goes tearing that fast through Atlanta"

I blinked. "Well.... Sherman did."

A redneck goes up to a Catholic church in the South

He stands there for a little while and soon an old lady walks up to him

She asks, "Excuse me sir, is mass out"


He tips his hat and says, "No ma'm but your hats on crooked"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I visited a cannibal restaurant during my time in the South Pacific.

On the menu I saw there was missionary soup for $5. Below it was politician soup for $1000.

So I asked the waiter, "why's the politician soup so expensive?"

And he said to me "you ever tried to clean one of the bastards?"

A ship discovers a lost island in the South Pacific

To their surprise, the ship's company find the remains of a shipwreck there, a couple of decades old, and a single survivor, a Welsh mariner who has busied himself building an exact replica of a Welsh village, complete with a town hall, a pub, a rugby pitch, and two chapels.

"...Two chapels?"...

In the South Pacific...

Many years ago, in the South Pacific, there was a small island kingdom that was ruled by a kind and benevolent King. Each year, on the King's birthday, the residents of the island gave the King a new throne as token of their love and respect for him. And each year, the King would put last years gift...

Why is teaching calculus so difficult in the South?

They hate integration

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Growing up in the south , my dad told me to never date a virgin

He told me if they ain't good enough for their family, then they aren't good enough for ours.

The worst part about growing up in the south

was asking my parents for their blessing to marry their daughter

My daughter entered a toddler's beauty pageant in the south.

She won the Miss Sippy Cup!

Having a baby in the south is like yeast...

Y'know, cause it's in-bread.

TIL several states in the South banned calculus from schools in the 1950's.

Apparently they opposed integration.

What is the most popular dating website in the south?

Ancestry.com

A luxury yacht catches fire somewhere in the South Pacific and sinks....

A single male survivor, let's call him Roy, washes ashore on a small, deserted tropical island.

Roy spends the next three years of his life struggling to survive, but, by collecting debris and materials that wash up on the shore, he manages to thrive.

Then one day, as he's combing the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the South, we value diversity.

We want you to feel included, whether you're homophobic, Islamophobic, or just a racist.

What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable in the South?

A vegetable can get married

I finally realized why incest in the south is ok

it’s because in the south, your cousin is only 3/5ths of a family member

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boat was shipwrecked in the South Pacific, as a result...

A group of people from different nationalities found themselves stranded on a remote and beautiful island. The party consisted of:

-Two Italian men and one Italian woman

-Two French men and one French woman

-Two German men and one German woman

-Two Greek men and one Greek...

I have two really good Spanish friends in the south of the USA that I want to visit some day

They're called Louise y Anna

Why do old people in the South want to keep Confederate statues around?

So they can at least have something that will stay up after 60 years.

I've heard that people in the South think everything is better in sandwich form.

Those inbreds.

Going to an orgy in the South is a lot like going to Olive Garden

When you’re there you’re family.

Breaking News: A ship carrying red paint just collided with a ship carrying purple paint, in the South China Sea.

Authorities report that the crews of both ships are marooned

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A snobbish English teacher was sitting in an airport in the South waiting on her flight back to New York, when

a young southern girl sat down next to her. "Where y'all goin' to?" she asked the teacher.

Turning her nose in the air, the snob replied, "I don't answer people who end their sentences with prepositions."

The young lady thought a moment and replied, "Where y'all goin' to, *bitch*?"

TIL about a new Fantastic Beasts book where Newt sets out on a British navy ship to catalogue magic beasts in the South Pacific

It’s called Master and Scamander

What do you call bread baked in the south?

inbred

I went fishing this morning, but after a short time I ran out of worms...

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. "Frogs are good bass bait," I thought to myself. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket. Just then, I realized I h...

A man in the south of France today was surprised when he opened a tin of locally sourced duck when it started dancing

His canned Cannes canard can can-can!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four 'Older' ladies are sitting in the tearoom of an exclusive country club, discussing their families.

Marjorie Puts down her tea and says "I am so proud of my son. He's a respected heart Surgeon. Just last month he performed a transplant on a famous billionaire and, In gratitude, the gentleman gave him a new Porsche sports car"

Mildred addresses her companions. "Of course, I am also very prou...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.