In The Soup Jokes

A man goes to a restaurant with his wife. They look at the menu and order some starters and two soups. After placing their orders they start to notice something strange: there is only one waiter and he puts his thumb in the soups of the other customers when he carries them to the tables. The man and... read more

Because any more would be too farty.

While volunteering at a soup kitchen, I hit it off with a very attractive single man. It was a relief, since my mother and I always laughed because the men to whom I was drawn were inevitably married. So, optimistic about my chances, I asked my new friend what he did for a living. He replied, “I’m a... read more

A boullionaire

After a few mins, the waiter arrives with the man's soup, and places it in front of him. The man notices that the waiter's thumb was in his soup, but was too hungry to say anything. The man arte the soup, and returned with friends the following night.
Having enjoyed the soup so much, the man orde... read more

The waiter brings it over to his table, and the guy starts eating. But after a minute or so, the guy discovers that there is a fly in the soup. Disgusted, he calls the waiter over and informs him of the problem.

The waiter leans down and studies the soup for awhile, then reaches for his cell... read more

A mom has three sons and she's making them soup, While she's not looking a cupboard above the stove opens and a box of beebee's falls in the soup. She keeps cooking, serves them lunch and they go back outside to play. Ten minutes later the first boy comes in and says 'Mommy I was peeing and a beebee... read more

(Read in an Irish accent for effect)

An Irish mam and her wee lad were sitting in the kitchen as she taught him to make her famous Irish bean soup.

"Now son," she explained, "what really makes a bean soup is how many beans you use. More is better, but you must remember: never, NEVER p... read more

A man, enjoying bachelorhood while his wife was away visiting her parents, lived like a typical bachelor, living on whatever was in the pantry.

Cauliflower in the fridge? Fry them with the eggs found there and that's lunch and dinner. Don't want to cook? Open up the cans of soup in the pantry... read more

Man on holiday in Paris goes to a restaurant and orders his dinner. When the soup arrives he finds a fly in the soup.
He calls the waiter over, and mustering his best French says:
Garcon, voici le mouche !
The waiter looks at the soup for a moment and then replies (in his best En... read more

The waiter replies, "So sorry, sir. I'll take care of that," and puts a spider in the soup.

"Hopefully this won't take long."

A lady at a restaurant ordered some clam chowder. When the waiter brought it out, he was holding the bowl with his thumb in the soup. The lady said ahhhhhh you had your thumb in my chowder. The waiter says yeah I got arthritis and the warmth helps it feel better, so she says why don't you just shove... read more

*I was reminded of this joke yesterday (don't ask why!). If this is a repost, then I suck at reddit search.*

A man goes into a restaurant and orders soup. When the waiter
brings out the bowl he has his thumb stuck in the soup, but the
customer decides to let it go.

"Would you l... read more

"I'm sorry," the waitress said, "but the customer next to you had the last bowl." The guy could see that the other customer had left most of his soup.

"Could I have that?" he asked.

"Sure." So he started eating--but halfway down he discovered a dead mouse.

"Ugh," he said, "I ... read more

An old couple decides to rekindle their younger years and have lunch naked.

"You know," says the wife, "when we do this kind of stuff, it really warms my heart".

"Your breast is in the soup" answers the husband.