UPJOKE

In School Jokes

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Virginity in school

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."

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Voting is like doing a group project in school

I did my part, but I’m worried the rest of you are going to fuck this up

What sort of grades did Tommy Wiseau receive in school?

Oh, high marks.

I was horrible in school.

I failed math so many times I can’t even count.

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I really wish they'd taught sex in schools.

My science teacher didn't have a fucking clue what he was doing.

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A new teacher is assigned to teach geography class in school.

When she enters the classroom, she's horrified by what she sees. The kids are fighting, cursing, throwing chairs, drinking, and smoking.

"Hello class" she says.

"Fuck off, bitch!" the kids shout back.

Crying, the new teacher runs to the principal's office.

The principal...

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A kid in school hands in a blank piece of paper for his art homework.

The teacher says, "What's this?"

The kid says, "A picture of a cow eating grass."

The teacher asks, "Where's the grass?"

The kid says, "The cow ate it all."

"Ok, then where's the cow?"

"It left because there was no more grass."

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Dirty Ernie is in school and the teacher says

Which one of you kids can give me a word that starts with A? Dirty Ernie raises his hand and is excitedly waving..,,,, the teacher knows Ernie is dirty and so she calls on Jane…Jane says apple….a big red apple …and the teacher is pleased and relieved that Ernie didn’t answer….. she goes onto each le...

A child comes back home from school and tells his dad he learnt a new joke in school.

Dad: Sure, tell me.

Child: What goes in stiff but comes out soft?

Dad:

Child:

Dad:

Child:

Dad: Is it a p-

The wife, who was listening from the other room comes running in screaming, "SPAGHETTI IT'S SPAGHETTI"

There once was a boy named George Gunderson who did not do very well in school. His classmates ridiculed him every day, as did his teacher, Mrs. Jones. George couldn't stand it, and always came home crying to his parents.

One day, Mr. and Mrs. Gunderson decided to come to the school early to give Mrs. Jones a piece of her mind. The second the door opened to let the kids outside, Mr. and Mrs. Gunderson peeked inside to hear Mrs. Jones screaming at George. "George Gunderson, you are the dumbest kid in the world!"
...

A mother takes her three son’s to enroll in school. The teacher asks.

A mother takes her three son’s to enroll in school. The teacher asks.

Teacher: What are your son’s names?

Lady: This boy’s name is Leroy, this other boy’s name is Leroy, and Leroy here is my third son’s name.

Teacher: Isn’t it confusing having all three boy’s named the same?
...

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Little Johnny's teacher held a contest one Friday in school.

"Class, I'm going to give you a famous quotation, and if you can tell me who said it, I'll give you the day off on Monday.

"The first one is, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.' Who said that one?"

Little Johnny's hand shoots up immediately...

When I was in school, I was obsessed with using fractions.

Finally I realized …decimals have a point.

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A guy in school said that my clothes were gay

"Well, yes", I told him "they came out of the closet this morning."

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I always tell my kids to stay in school...

but they keep fucking coming back.

What do you have after the hardest class in school?

The aftermath.

In school

Teacher: What's 5x2?

Little Ahmed: 10.

Teacher: Very good. And what is 5x3?

Little Ahmed: 9

Teacher: No, try again.

Little Ahmed: 8

Teacher: RUN!

His wife minored in psychology in school.

She was always trying to use her tiresome amateur psychology on him. When he wanted to fire their pool boy, she said, "Well, you're clearly threatened by his youth and attractiveness, and this gives you intimations of your own mortality which you are sublimating into a hostile and inappropriate resp...

How did the terminal cancer patient do in school?

He passed.

No one laughed at my joke I made in school so maybe you guys will like it

What do you call an english teacher who knows how to code

A pro-grammar

In school i hed learned three things:

Reeding and caunting.

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Little April isn’t always the best in school...

Little April isn’t always the best in school, she’d always fall asleep in class, on their first day of school for the year, they started with a religion class. Near the start of the lesson, the teacher decided to ask little April a question.

‘April, who created this universe?’ To the rescue, ...

Why don't kids play fortnite in school?

It's hard to make out where the gunshots are actually coming from

Back in school, my favourite teacher was Mrs Turtle.

She had a funny name, but she tortoise well.

What happens to illiterate witches in school?

They get expelled!

At my funeral I want to invite everyone I ever did a group project with in school.

This way, if they lower my casket or fail to show up, they can let me down one last time.

What's every cat's favorite topic in school?

>!String theory!<

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In school, the teacher warns her students...

..."I will not tolerate any excuses for any kind. I might consider a nuclear attack, serious injury or even the death of a relative, but whoever misses this exam will fail the class."

The class's wise-guy says:

"But teacher, what if tomorrow I arrive to class completely exhausted from ...

Caller: “Jack Smith will not be in school today.”

Teacher: “Is he sick? Who is this speaking please?”

Caller: “This is my father speaking.”

Little Johnny hurt his finger in school

He called out to his teacher: "Ouch, I've hurt my finger! I need some cider". The teacher answered "why do you need cider?" And little Johnny replied "Because everytime my big sister gets a prick in her hand, she sticks it in cider".

What was the seal's favorite subject in school?

ART ART ART!

Which people in school fart the most?

The tutors.

Here's a Lesson They DON'T Teach You in School...

9 x 2 = 57

We had a reverse name day in school today

We had to refer to eachother by our names spelt backwards.

And now I hate my parents for calling me Lana

What gets four As and a B but still fails in schooling?

ALABAMA

Just wondering, do you think it's ok for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are in school ?

Or am I just a terrible teacher?

What’s a wizard’s favorite class in school?

Spelling

When I was in school, my math teacher called me average.

It was mean.

Why don’t pirates do very well in school?

They’re only used to high C’s

In school, you learn about spies

In soviet Russia, spies learn about you!

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I just lost my virginity to the hottest girl in school

I don’t get what the fuss about homeschooling is about

My nickname in school was Scarface...

...because I was so damn good at knitting.

How are Flaming Hot Cheetos and a Gun the same in school?

Everyone will suddenly start acting like your best friend.

I told a mitosis joke in school once

I thought it was hilarious, but the class was divided.

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A freshman is talking to the new girl in school.

“You’ll like it here,” he tells her. “Everyone is pretty chill, the teachers are all nice, but the principal is kind of a moron.”



“Do you know who I am?” the girl asks her new classmate. “I’m the daughter of the principal.”



The boy is silent and then asks her, “Do you k...

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A boy is being bullied in school [very long]

And the bullies call him and his friends "bitches and bastards". When the boy gets home, he asks his parents what "bitches and bastards are". His dad blushes, and says, "Well, they're just ladies and gentlemen".

Later, his parents are talking, and the boy overhears his dad say "condom". "Dad...

Why do so many American kids die in school shootings?

They're not allowed to run in the halls.

[-Jimmy Carr](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpxmKKtbw7w)

Jack and Molly in school...

Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next d...

A dad told his 15 year old son that he would buy him a car…

…in 6 months on his 16th birthday if he (the son) got a job, made all “A’s” in school, started going to church every week and cut his hair. The son agreed to do all four things.

Six months go by and the dad told his son, “Son, you got a job, you are going to church every Sunday and are making...

Little Johnny is in school and they have show and tell.

The teacher asks the class to tell about something that happened in their family recently. When it is Johnny's turn. he walks to the board and draws two periods ". ." The teacher asks him to explain. He says"My sister missed these and my parents are real upset."

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A school principal arrives in his office when the phone rings.

"I'm afraid my daughter won't be in school today," says the voice on the other line. "She has a terrible cold."

"I'm sorry to hear this," says the principal. "I hope her cold gets better soon. Who is this calling?"

"This is my mom."

I hate being a pirate in school.

In my report card I always get seven seas.

Three kids are discussing the smoking skills of their parents in school.

One of them says “my dad can blow the smoke through the nose” and the other two ask “wow, have you seen it?” to what he replies “yes he does it all the time”.
The second one says “well, my dad can blow the smoke through the ears”, the other too ask again “wow! Have you seen it???” to what he repl...

Batman in school

When Bruce was still a kid and was in school, one day a teacher announced  “Listen, children. We’re going to play a game called ‘Three Questions’. When I come to you, I want you to answer these three questions. What’s your name? What’s your dad’s name? What does Dad do for a living?”

When she...

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The teacher asked Timmy why he has a cat in school.

Timmy, while crying, said," Because I heard my daddy say to my mummy "I'm going to eat that pussy when the kids leave", so I'm saving him."

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We were doing sex ed in school today.

I asked my teacher why I need this. He said you'll need it later in life. I told him I'm a redditor. I was excused from the class...

What happens when you lose you attention span in school

You gain your detention span

My grades in school were underwater...

Below C level.

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Why don’t you ever see donkeys in school?

Because nobody likes a smart ass.

I have no idea how those quiet kids in school are doing now

I haven’t heard from them at all

Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school

One day he surprised his teacher with an announcement. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!"

Cocaine in school

One of the teachers at my local school for obese children, was fired today. He was fired for doing cocaine before going to work. He was ratted out by his large pupils.

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One great moment in school.

Boy: The principal is so dumb!


Girl: Do you know who I am?


Boy: No...


Girl: I am the principal's daughter!


Boy: Do you know who I am?


Girl: No...


Boy: Good! \*Walks away\*

If procrastination was a class offered in school

I’d get an “i” for “Incomplete”

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I got in trouble in school today

I was caught passing notes in music class.

When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry

And an F in Physics

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