UPJOKE
hmrc

In Progress Jokes

Why are diversity officers in progressive companies always women?

Because it is cheaper.

(Work in progress)What do you call a bunch of ravens pretending to be crows?

A conspiracy to commit murder!

English version of Breaking bad in progress

It will last one season with only one episode where Walt will be diagnosed with Cancer but will get treated by NHS and wil end up living on benefits.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Still a work in progress, but original

Theres a Chinese guy and an American guy sitting outside when all of the sudden the Chinese guy looks up in the sky and says "omg Aryans!"
The American guy says " those arent Nazi's, those are aliens!"

An old man had died. His funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was.

Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and make sure that is your father in there."

It is 1538 and the Dissolution of Monasteries by King Henry VIII is in progress...

having broken away from the Catholic church, Henry had angered many adherents both domestic and abroad, and sought to shut down any institutions that swore their allegiance to the Catholic church before he had a revolt on his hands.

He attempted to completely squash all churches, monasteri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can you come up with a better joke with this punchline?

Why did the king lock his beautiful virgin daughter away in a fortress when all the men came around?
Impregnability
(Work in Progress)

For the bridge enthusiasts out there: I think my ex must have been a bottom supported bridge with a track running down the middle.

Cantilever alone without someone running a train on her.

Work in progress, needs fine tuning.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall

Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a Flower Show was in progress. One leaned over and said to the other, "Life is so darned boring, we never have any fun anymore. For $5.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid Flower Show!"


...

The Old Ball Game

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game.
For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the National Anthem started.......the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts" and th...

Two doctors are arguing in a hospital corridor.

The first doctor says “I’m telling you, it’s spelled W-U-M-B”

The second replies, angrily “Of course it isn’t, you fool, it’s W-O-U-M-B!”

A senior nurse, with years of experience, appalled by what she’s hearing, hurries over to put a stop to the shouting match in progress.

“Doc...

Divorce custody

A couples divorce proceedings are in progress, and the case of who gets custody of their 4 year old child gets raised.

The mother pleads her case: "I'm the mother, I carried her for 9 months so of course she should stay with me."

The father responds: "if I go to an ATM machine, and I i...

/r/Jokes, a public service announcement: search the punchline before you post your joke.

Often times, when a joke hits the top of this sub, it gets passed around and subsequently reposted many times in a short period. It can be difficult searching for the joke, since everyone uses different titles, but the search function not only searches titles but the content of posts as well. If you...

Whos on first recreation

Hello 911 what's your emerengcy?

There's some people over here robing the bank

Sir I got you using your cellphone where's the bank?

It's the Wellsfargo on Main st

Are you inside the building?

Yeah I'm hiding but they have hostages

Ok sir stay on the line I'm...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.