UPJOKE

In My Head Jokes

Yo momma so fat, I pictured her in my head

And she broke my neck.

I told my psychiatrist that I've been hearing voices in my head.

He told me that I don't have a psychiatrist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was trying to convince my therapist that I don't hear voices in my head.

Eventually she pointed out that I don't have a therapist.

The song “Jungle Love” is stuck in my head.

It’s driving me mad.
It’s making me crazy.

When I see Donald Trump I get the same thought in my head as I get after a particularly painful bikini wax.

Bush wasn’t that bad.

The voices in my head may not be real,

but they have some good ideas!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think i pissed off the voices in my head.

They are giving me the silent treatment.

Recently became a dad and now these are popping in my head: What is it called when you are made fun of in a dream?

Sleep Deprecation

I made up a color in my head today.

It was a pigment of my imagination.

Woke up with Elton John’s Rocket Man stuck in my head, hope it leaves soon

But I think it’s gonna be a long long time

I went to the doctor because I’ve had the Pawn Stars theme stuck in my head for two weeks

He said he’d have to call in a buddy of his who was an expert on those sorts of things

(But seriously please help me I’m going insane)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thought all these voices in my head meant I was crazy, but one of them is a therapist.

And he says I'm fine.

I asked the voice in my head, "Do you think we're schizophrenic?"

It said, "Really? Come on, man. What are the chances we're *both* schizophrenic?"

I had the term "apropos of nothing" stuck in my head and I didn't know what it meant.

Apparently it wasn't relevant.

I have this 90s pop ballad stuck in my head.

It’s been seven hours and fifteen days.

I hear voices in my head sometimes.

I just ignore them and keep killing people.

This just popped in my head...

What's a mexican's favorite Disney movie?

Mow lawn.

Sorry.

I have this song in my head I haven't heard in years. I'm pretty sure it's called "Don't Speak"?

On second thought, there's no doubt in my mind.

Kim Jong-Un walks into a school in North Korea.

He asks a student "Who is your father?

The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."

Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"

The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've been a little worried about the voices I hear in my head,..

.. luckily one of them is a therapist and he's been helping me through it.

What do you call a dragon without its silver?

Dr\_ \_on

It's a stupid science joke that lives in my head rent free.

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