UPJOKE

In A While Jokes

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A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw an elderly man walking past. She hasn't had a customer in a while, so she calls out to him

"Hey, would you like to have a fun time with me?"

The old man said, "But I won't be able to..."

"Aww... give it a try... "

Old man says okay. They go in. The old man whips out his dick and fucks her harder than he had in decades, and for 30 minutes!

When he's done, the pr...

Every once in a while I have a cup of tea while I'm reading

It's a novelty

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a £20 fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are £20 notes falling out of that bag.”

“Oh, really? Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.
“Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop.“Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”
“Oh, no, no”, said the old lady. “You see, my back garden is ...

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Two friends, Sarah and Kate, who haven't met in a while, run into each other.

Sarah: You know, my boyfriend bought me a Mercedes two weeks ago.

Kate: Amazing!

Sarah: And yesterday, he gave me a pearl necklace.

Kate: Amazing!

Sarah: And in a month, we are going on a three-week-long vacation on Hawaii.

Kate: Amazing!

Sarah: Thanks. But,...

A man meets up with a friend while walking their dogs in the park.... (LONG)



A man meets up with a friend while walking their dogs in the park. They haven't seen each other in a while so they decide to go to lunch at the new French restaurant in town.

Just before entering the restaurant, the 1st man puts on his very dark sunglasses and asks the maître d' for ...

Shaved for the first time in a while.

Feels like I'm jacking off a new man.

What did the gnat say when it hadn’t eaten in a while?

“I’m so hungry I could eat a horsefly.”

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Once in a while comes a xxx joke that needs a salute.

A guy on his wedding night finding that his wife was a Virgin exclaimed: "I want to Kiss the one who took care of you and protected your Virginity."

She gave a naughty smile and said:
"KISS MY ASS."

A nun, badly in need of a restroom, walked into a local hooters. The place was hopping with music and load conversations and every once in a while, the lights would go out.

Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt in cheers.

The nun walked up to the bartender and asked, “may I please use the restroom?”

The bartender replied, “OK, but I must warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.”

“Well, in ...

One the best jokes I've heard in a while

A guy walked into a crowed bar waving his 1912 colt 45 caliber pistol with a 8 round magazine, and he yelled, who in here has been screwing my wife?

A voice from the back of the bar yelled back, you Need more bullets!!!!

I haven’t heard of the band: “The Rolling Stones” in a while,

I guess they went downhill

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A man has not gotten laid in a while.

A man has not gotten laid in a while. So his friends suggests a prostitute. He is not sure about it at first, but he goes.

That night, the man finds her and drives her to a hotel. On the drive, the man decides to try and to brighten the mood. He looks at her and says "Hey, they call me woody ...

It's ok to turn one good book into three bad movies every once in a while...

Just don't make a Hobbit of it.

How can you tell if a man hasn't gotten laid in a while?

He's wearing a wedding ring.

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I haven't had sex in a while.

Starting to think I should setup a gofuckme page.

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Every once in a while you run into a truly eccentric proctologist

You know... one crazy ass doctor

I haven't made egg jokes in a while

I thought I'd take a crack at them

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How do you call a developer that hasn't had sex in a while?

Full sack developer.

Everyone needs a little relaxation time once in a while [Long]

So my friend and I decided to unwind and visit this Day Spa that she highly recommended.

I had never heard of it before and asked her what was so great about it. However she refused to tell me why it was so good.

So we scheduled a visit for the following Sunday and when we arrived I r...

Hoping there hasn't been one in a while, but blonde joke thread.

How do you drown a submarine full of blondes?

Knock on the door

Yo momma joke because I haven't seen one in a while

You momma so fat, thanos has to snap 5 times

Best Obama joke Ive heard in a while

so Obama, Michelle Obama, and Oprah are in airforce one, Obama turns around and says "I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window and make someone very happy". Michelle Obama turns and says "I could throw 10 $10,000 bills out the window and make 10 people really happy". Oprah said "Ill beat both of ...

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Every once in a while something comes along which causes some people to rethink their sexuality.

Like prison.

Even the Eldritch elder gods need to relax once in a while..

..so they crack open a boy with the cold ones.

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My friend, who likes to have sex with inanimate objects, hasn't been around in a while...

I heard he's finally settled down with that one nightstand

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I wouldn’t call myself gay, but I do fuck a man every once in a while.

Prison hasn’t been to bad so far.

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My friend is addicted to having sex with inanimate objects, and we haven’t seen him in a while.

He always has stuff to do.

How can you tell if a ballerina hasn't taken a bath in a while?

She does a split and sticks to the floor.

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Dr. Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it he just couldn't. The guilt was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he would hear in internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. Just let It go Dave."
But invariably another voice in his head would b...

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