UPJOKE

Imagine Being Jokes

If you think your life is scary, just imagine being a birthday cake.

Someone starts a fire right above your head, and then everyone starts singing.

Imagine being in a room

Imagine being completely naked in a room where everyone is several times your height, everyone speaks a foreign language, and they all want to touch you.

This is the life of a dog.

Imagine being single on Valentine’s Day

Joke’s on you, I don’t have to imagine

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Imagine being American, paying a shitton for Healthcare....

... And then never getting sick. What a sad life

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Imagine being a vampire and having a zero-waste mother

She'd have you suck on tampons.

Imagine being a social creature that's bad at socializing.

Oh wait. I don't have to

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can you imagine being part of a discussion on ant puns?

I cAnt even Anticipate that bAnter

Imagine being in Walmart during the zombie apocalypse

On one side are lumbering, fat things with mucus coming out there nose dragging themselves across the ground and on the other side are zombies

If you think your life is bad imagine being an egg

You only get laid once, smashed once and the only bird that sits on your face is your Mum

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I kind of feel bad for Amy Schumer over people calling her unfunny.

I mean can you imagine being so bad at comedy that you have to steal *shitty* jokes?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I feel sorry for homophobic people

Imagine being scared of your own home

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It must be hard being homophobic

Imagine being terrified of the place where you live?

Two men from Texas are having a conversation...

The first man asks the second man "Imagine being in the same room with all of the people you've slept with." The second man responds with "I don't have to imagine, I do that every thanksgiving."

I’ve seen this reposted many times but bear with me

Imagine being held at gunpoint (bear with me) by a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on Reddit.

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Two teen siblings from Alabama

Two teen siblings from Alabama are in their house and their parents aren't home.
The sister says: "Imagine being in a room with everybody you've had sex with."
And the brother says: "I already am."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Gorilla Whisperer

So one day, Bob was at the Zoo checking out the animals. While he was reading the sign on the Gorilla cage, he noticed some movement out of the corner oh his eye, and notice an Ape staring at him, and mimicking his movements.

So Bob decided to have a little fun, and started to dance a little...

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