UPJOKE

Ignoring Me Jokes

My kids began ignoring me so much that I feel invisible...

Now I identify as trans-parent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After I changed sex, my daughter has been ignoring me..

It seems like I'm transparent

Doctor, everyone's ignoring me!

"Sharon, please send in my next patient."

My wife keeps ignoring me, so I asked my friend what I should do to get through to her, and he said to listen to my heart.

I don’t think “beat” was the right choice.

i call myself terms and conditions

because y'all keep ignoring me

My son asked me what it’s like to be married. So, I told him...

...to leave me alone and, when he did, I asked him why he was ignoring me.

Parking the manhood

My wife came in the bathroom as I was getting dressed after my morning shower. I put my underwear on and pulled them up. Then I put my pants on and pulled them up and told her I had to park the old guy in the right spot.

Now my wife and I have been married for just a bit over 40 years but had...

A Rabbi Wants to Spread Judaism with the World

A rabbi wants to spread Judaism with the world but isn’t sure where he would like to start. He decides he will spin a globe and randomly place his finger to stop it. He does this and lands in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The rabbi goes on a boat, and sails to the spot he chose. As it turns out, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A state of the art fighter jet with a sentient navigation computer malfunctioned and went into a tailspin

The human pilot realized it was unrecoverable and shouted, "Computer, initiate automated ejection sequence."

After a long silence, the computer responded, "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."

Smirking, the crafty, old-school pilot muttered, "I knew the...

When I was a boy, sometime in the mid-90s, I had absolutely zero friends. My concerned mother brought in the neighbor kids for a dreaded 'play date'..

It started out just awful. Everyone ignored me and horsed around. Once they started trying to wreck my moms furniture, I had to take out my secret weapon.

My dad had scored an early VHS release of the last years most popular movie. I could have been the only one in the country with this mo...

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