UPJOKE

Identify As Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner

I'm done in five minutes and look nothing like the picture

I now identify as invisible

Although I was born visible, I am now trans-parent. My pronouns are who/where

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

i sexually identify as a donkey

my pronouns are he/haw

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a brick.

I’m always hard and I’ve only ever been laid once.

I was born male, I identify as male, but according to Sainsbury's Deluxe Sticky Toffee Pudding....

I'm a family of four.

I told my shrink I identify as a dog

He made me get off the couch

I now identify as boring.

My preferred pronouns are ho/hum.

What does current AI identify as?

If/Then

I identify as a snack.

Sometimes I'm sweet, sometimes I'm salty, but I'm always delicious.

How do you know all suicide bombers self identify as being old?

They are all boomers in the end

If I'm fat but identify as slim

Does that mean I am trans slender?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I identify as a tri-sexual...

I try to have sex, but I fail.

What do computers identify as?

Binary

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"I sexually identify as The RMS Titanic"

"I must lay my Seamen to rest in a dark wet place."

What do you call bread that doesn’t identify as male or female?

Naan-binary.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What would a bisexual television identify as?

Part of the LG TV OLED 4K+ community

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as Counter Strike...

*And I'm globally offended*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a spaghetti.

Straight until wet.

I Identify as Italy in the 1600’s

Baroque

What pronouns does a Chicagoan use to identify as non-binary?

Dey or dem

I identify as an ambulance

My pronouns are wee/woo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a Lootbox

I won’t tell you what I’m hiding, it costs too much to open me up, and once you do it’s probably not going to be what you want

I identify as an elongated fish...

People say im mentally eel

What does Iron Man Identify as?

A FE Male

Why does the chocolateer identify as female?

Her/she

Can some please explain to me what it means to identify as queer

Because looked it up and there were no straight answers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a measure of kilometers per second

Because I really want to fucking KM/S

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do people identify as non-binary?

Otherwise it's just fucking 1's and 0's.

The United Kingdom is to provide special support to those self-identify as gnomes, fairies or pixies...

It'll be known as the National Elf Service.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a female

I keep trying to convince my family that Im not a guy, but alas

I think I identify as a church roof.

I'm beginning to tran-spire

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a vacuum

Because my life sucks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a Witch Doctor...

I'll take a little head from anyone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a toaster

You put bread in me and it comes out brown.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as drywall

I love getting plastered!

I identify as Giantkin.

My pronouns are Phe/Phi/Pho/Phum and i'd like you to respect them please.

So if someone decides to identify as a monk...

Does this mean they’re *transcendent?*

I identify as a ferrari

Because I like to have two people inside of me.

I Identify as a chair

Why, because I have nice legs and want girls to sit on me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a measurement of speed

Cuz I'm a loner and wanna km/s

What do you mean I can't identify as a television?

Just watch me!

My brother has decided to identify as thin.

He's translender.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a 41 million square mile body of salt water

Im trans-atlantic

Many of my tumblr friends identify as otherkin. Be it wolfkin, eaglekin or yes even fantasykin. I myself identify as a jedi.

So I'm forcekin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as half Democrat and half Republican

I'm bipartisan

I'm stressed. Sometimes I identify as a tipi. Other times as a marquee.

My psychiatrist says I shouldn't worry though, I'm just being too tense.

If you’re skinny but identify as a fat person...

Would that make you a trans-fat?

What do PC Master Race people identify as politically?

The Alt-Tab.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as the end of a Jedi's penis.

I'm Forcekin

I identify as an employee wherever I go.

Now I can use any bathroom I need to.

You think you're special because you suddenly don't identify as male or female?

The Siberian Orchestra has identified as 'trans' for over 20 years.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a giant..

..my pronouns are Fee, Fi, Fo, and Fum

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a pansexual

And I have a fetish for cast-iron

What does Darth Vader identify as on Tumblr?

Ana-kin

A man walks into an LGBTQ centre.

He walks up to the front desk and introduces himself. "Hello, I identify as a chocolate bar. Can I join?"

The receptionist replies "Sir, that's disgraceful! You're mocking the community. We're going to have to ask you to leave."

"You can't call me sir!" The man exclaims. "I use her/she...

My kids began ignoring me so much that I feel invisible...

Now I identify as trans-parent.

Transphobic jokes aren't funny

They identify as funny.

Trump Supporters are demanding to join the LGBTQ+ community.

They say they identify as Non-Bidenary

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All the vowels are having a masturbation contest.

They're trying to prove who would last the longest in bed, so they decide to start by seeing who can last the longest by themselves. As they start, A finished within minutes, closely followed by O. Several more minutes pass, and U cant hold it any longer, climaxing. Y, deciding they didnt identify a...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.