UPJOKE

I Started A Jokes

I started a company...

I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

I started a band with friends called 999 Megabytes

Still haven't gotten a Gig though

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I started a new job. My boss said "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky". I said "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick".

She said "how do you get Dick from Kyle?"
I replied "you just ask nicely".

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I started a dating site for older people.

OK Boomer

I remember meeting a guy, before the days of the Internet, who wanted to try and start a new 'Joke Format' and I'm interested to see if it catches on.

It's like a 'knock knock' Joke in that you have a set-up line response sort of thing like this:

1. 'I started a new business'
2. 'Oh yeah? What business are you in'
1. 'The Rollercoaster business'
2. 'And how's business?'
1. 'it has its ups and downs'

Or

1. 'I s...

I started a boat business in the attic.

The sails are going through the roof

I started a nightclub for men with erectile dysfunction.

It was a flop and nobody came.

I started a new business.

*Really? What business are you in?*

The dry-erase whiteboard business.

*And how’s business?*

Remarkable.

My friends and I started a business where we weigh tiny items

It's a small scale operation

Hey, I started a new business!

“Hey, I started a new business!”

*”Really? What business are you in?”*

“We’ve been building a fleet of bakeries on wheels.”

*”And how’s business?”*

“The dough is just rolling in.”

I started a new vegetarian diet last week

I hope I find another vegetarian soon.

I haven't eaten in 3 days

I started a business creating religious statues..

I have yet to make a prophet

I started an internship at a strip club today

I’m being paid in exposure

I started a company that makes wind powered rockets

Sails are taking off!

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I started a Chinese-Nazi Facebook page

so far its got three reichs

My wife and I started a bank account to help with our weed budget

It's our joint account

I started a book club in prison

It's called prose and cons.

I started a reverse escort service.

All of our customers suck.

I started a new exercise routine this week

I do 100 crunches in the morning and again in the evening

My favourites are Doritos cheese supreme and Lays original

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I started a "magnetic penises" club

But it didn't attract many members

I started a service to deliver groceries to little old ladies.

It's called Spinstacart.

I started a camp for kids with ADHD but nobody showed up.

I guess calling it Concentration Camp was a bad idea.

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My wife and I started a new high fiber diet.

After the 2nd day she asked me how much I lost and I told her 8 lbs.

"You're full of shit!"

"No, thats why I lost 8 lbs."

I started a literacy program for inmates.

There's been some prose and cons.

If I started a non government organisation...

I would call it B.I.


That would be its name-o

I started a Facebook group for people who love bicycling

But apparently nobody wants to join the Pedalphiles.

I started a new job and was handed a book

"What's this?" I asked.

"This is our work bible" replied the manager

"why call it a Bible?"

"because it's written by man and it's full of errors"

I started a soil business recently.

I wonder why no one's buying anything. Everything's dirt-cheap.

I started a 100 subject survey on which shampoo women prefer to use...

Only got to the 3rd shower before i was arrested.

I started a new job today doing parcel delivery, at my first drop the homeowner had left a note saying we're out so please hide in the bin.

I'm still hiding, I'm hungry and it's dark, help!

I started a business that takes stock photos of food

I call it Spaghetti images

So I started a new band.

We scream aggressively about how broke we are to heavy guitar riffs.

We're called Debt Metal.

I started a service to deliver kosher food.

I’m calling it Jewber.

Instead of a swear jar, I started a negativity jar. Every time I think negative thoughts, I throw money in.

It's half empty.

I started a group for people who talk too much

I call it On and on Anon

I started a poetry club at the prison I work at. It's great for the inmates, but does mean I have to stay late with no extra pay

It's got prose and cons.

Covid lockdown has me gaining weight so I started a new diet

Its called Two weeks to flatten Your curves

I started a company harvesting moisture from plants.

Business hasn't been great, but we're making dew.

A few years ago I started a journal of different rocks I've found in the wilderness. For a while I was stuck with 68 entries, until I finally found number 69...

**Gneiss!**

I started a new diet; I eat fish for breakfast.

My wife doesn't like me talking about it.

I started a new job as a Tree Trimmer.

Unfortunately, I was fired my first day. The boss said I just wasn't cutting it.

I started a group for anonymous cycling enthusiasts.

But so far the members who’ve joined Pedalphiles seem to know nothing about bicycles in general.

I started a petition to ban people from collecting autographs.

So far I've got 5,000 signatures.

I started a new diet, All I had was toast this morning.

I had 2 glasses of wine and congratulated myself on the progress.

I started a trampoline business in Prague. Business is good...

But the Czechs keep bouncing

I started a fight with 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11.

The police have identified me as the *prime suspect*.

 

I'm not Canadian but I'm already sorry for posting this.

I started a new support group called D.A.M

Mothers Ageist Dyslexia.

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I started a support group for those who can't achieve an orgasm

If you can't come,let us know ..

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I started a butchering job the other day.

My first job was to crack and pull out duck necks and to make a memorable first day I said


"You know how ducks quack? Well soon enough I'll be quacking their neck"

I started a diet two weeks ago.

So far I've lost 14 days.

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