UPJOKE

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I was asked whether I prefer breasts or thighs.

I said "Well, both are nice, but I really like is a nice wet pussy". Apparently that was the wrong reply, as I'm now banned from KFC.

My friend handed me a peach. I told him I prefer pears.

So he handed me another one.

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The other day a girl asked me if I like breasts or thighs. I told her I prefer bubble butts and a trimmed pussy with thin lips...

So I got kicked out of KFC.

I prefer to watch movies in the cinema

Without movies it's just a boring room full of people I don't know.

My wife asked what panties i wanted her to wear on our date, i said i preferred

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My wife doesn't understand why I prefer to play Mario Kart over having relations with her

In Mario Kart, it is a GOOD thing when I finish first

I prefer my jokes to be told by fruits

Because all the jokes i heard from vegetables were just too corny

My wife asked which of her friends would I prefer for a threesome.

Apparently I was supposed to stop at one.

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I was asked if I prefer breasts or thighs. I told 'em I always go for the personality.

The butcher was confused.

I prefer escalators but my wife prefers elevators...

I think it’s because we were raised differently

I prefer my alcohol like I prefer children

Aged in a barrel and chilled on the rocks in my cellar

My date asked if I prefer cats or dogs.

I replied, "I don't even see them on the menu. What page are you on?"

I prefer to read poetry in braille for some reason.

I just really feel the words a lot more.

Everyone is a fan of the 69 position but I prefer the 68.

That's when you blow me and I owe you one.

I prefer to be naughty by myself

I'm introperverted.

My twin brother always takes the stairs, but I prefer the elevator.

I guess....we are raised differently.

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I prefer masturbating only when I'm completely naked

Don't like that? Go to a different Starbucks!

I prefer women the same way I like my coffee...

Just a little bit hot and from the gas station.

i prefer decimals over fractions

fractions are just pointless

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A chimpanzee says to another "I think I prefer to walk on just two legs"

The other chimp looks at him funny in response.

The first chimp quickly adds, "No homo!"

When I get old I prefer the Parkinson over Alzheimer

I prefer Parkinson's .. Alzheimer's I will forget my bottle of wine .. and Parkinson's I will only lose half the drink.

Yeah, the NRA sounds great, but personally, I prefer Deer Lovers Anonymous.

You get more bang for your buck.

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I prefer illegally downloading bangbros videos over watching free sites.

It feels more like I'm the one fucking the porn stars.

I prefer my wine like I do my women

Locked in a cellar for 20 years and sold for the highest bidder.

I prefer to learn from the mistakes

of people who take my advice

I prefer "badass" to "hemorrhoids"

when I describe my condition

I prefer it when doctors don’t sugarcoat stuff.

It helps because I’m diabetic.

I prefer driving with a strong tail wind

But my wife says that's not what the term means, and all I'm doing is making the car smell like rotten eggs.

I prefer my sandwiches to have 3 slices of bread.

I'm looking for other people like that so we can start a club.

Some people like fast handjobs. I prefer slow.

Different strokes for different folks I guess.

I prefer posting memes over jokes

They just meme more to me




Im so sorry this was terrible

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A women asked if I prefer legs to breasts

I told her I'm into a shaved vagina and anal. Apparently this is not an appropriate answer at KFC




NOTE: This is a repost from five mins ago where I really messed up on everything

I prefer Indy car over Nascar...

...I guess that makes me racist.

I'm not racist." I said to my buddy. "But I prefer my sandwiches cut diagonally." "That's not racist." he said.

"Exactly!" I replied. "I said I wasn't racist."

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I don't like the term 'Anal Bleaching'.

I prefer to call it 'changing my ringtone'.

Someone asked me who do I prefer "Chris Brown or Rihanna?"

Chris Brown beats Rihanna every time.

I prefer meet-ups with my wife at 12.59pm

Cos I really value that 1-to-1 time

I have to say, I prefer audio books to written books

I don't know why. I guess they just really speak to me.

Someone asked if I prefer going up and down stairs or the elevator

I said I prefer the ladder

I prefer to do a snowwoman instead of a snowman

That way I know I will make some woman wet when spring comes.

I've worked both restaurant and retail jobs, and honestly I think I prefer retail jobs.

Only in retail can you drop something on the floor in front of the customer, and continue to try and sell it to them.

As a female carpenter, I'm often asked if I prefer...

To get screwed or nailed...

I got asked what side of a swimming pool I prefer to jump in.

Depends

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I prefer women with big breathing problems than big breasts.

I'm an asthma-n.

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Received a call from a female recruitment consultant.

She said to me: "Sir I have two openings for you...!

I replied : Yes. I know 😊

There was a long silence and then she said:- asshole

I replied:- I prefer the other one...

Pen and paper is a great way to write things down, but I prefer using white boards

They’re just so remarkable...

I’ll never join one of those online dating services because I prefer to meet someone the good old-fashioned way...

Through alcohol and poor judgement...

I prefer to buy rental properties that take up an entire city block or more.

I'm in it for the long hall.

Because of my social anxiety, I prefer to do things with very little people around me.

It makes me feel better being taller than everyone else.

I prefer to think of myself as a "Contemporary Anthropological Interactive Observer" because it has just the right amount of flair.

Besides, "stalker" is such an ugly word.

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"I prefer guys who make small dick jokes about themselves over those who make big dick jokes about themselves."

"Well, I have a medium dick. It can talk to ghosts."

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I don’t like the term anal bleaching...

I prefer changing your ring tone

A man and a woman are lying in bed late night...

...and the woman asks her man: "Honey, do you prefer smart or pretty women?" and the man responds calmly: "Neither, baby, I prefer you."

A politician dies...

...and ends up at the pearly gates. St. Peter looks at him and finds his name in his book.

"So, you're a politician..."

"Well, yes. Is there a problem?"

"Oh no, there is no problem. But we have a policy for people in your profession, you have to spend a day each in heaven and he...

Person 1 says: I like Eminem

Person 2 says: Well, I prefer Skittles.
Person 1 says: No- I meant the rapper.
Person 2 says, confused: Why would you eat the wrapper?

My girlfriends favourite position is 6.9

Personally, I prefer it without the period.

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A guy told me I'm weird and asked for my deets to pass on to a therapist who might be able to straighten me out. I said "No thanks....

....I prefer to remain anomalous."

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