UPJOKE

I Once Dated A Girl Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once dated a girl with a twin

People used to ask me how I told them apart. Lisa painted her fingernails red and Bob had a cock

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once dated a girl who had a twin.

People always asked me how I could tell them apart. Simple:

Jane paints her nails purple. John has a cock.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once dated a girl that owned a parrot. That thing would never shut the fuck up.

The parrot was cool, though.




^Originally ^an ^Anthony ^Jeselnik ^joke

I once dated a girl

She told me she loved all animals. When I told her I worked with animals, she asked me if I was a veterinarian.

I told her, "No, I am a butcher"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once dated a girl who had bad eczema on her chest.....

Lovely girl, cracking pair of tits.

I once dated a girl from Tunisia

Her dad was from Trinidad and Tobago and her mum was from Morocco. Broke up with her in the end though. Too many red flags

I once dated a girl with a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh

She said if you put your ear up to it, you could smell the ocean.

I once dated a girl just for her internet connection

She was wifi material.

I once dated a girl with a lazy eye

Turned out she was seeing someone else on the side.

I once dated a girl with twelve nipples, sounds kinda weird...

Dozen tit?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once dated a girl that had uneven legs

She had shoes made special for her and everything so she could walk normally.

Her name was Eilean

I once dated a girl who was a fitness freak

It didn't last long, our relationship didn't work out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once dated a girl named Rachel, but she turned out to be a nasty bitch. As a result, I now refuse to associate with women named Rachel

Then again, I could just be Rachel profiling

I once dated a girl with a twin. We all know the immediate fantasy that springs to mind, and so i thought i'd ask.

I asked and they agreed.
It was a wonderful experience and if anything her twin was a really nice guy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once dated a girl that had a parakeet. That fucking thing never shut.

But the bird was cool.



Credit: Anthony Jeselnik. If you haven’t seen this guy’s specials you need to fix that.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once dated a girl who told me she had had sex with Mr. Peanut.

She was fucking nuts.

I once dated a girl that collected magazines.

We had to break up because she had too many issues.

I once dated a girl who was quite transparent..

I'm not sure what I saw in her.

I once dated a girl called Simile

Now I don't know what I Metaphor ;)

I once dated a girl who died because of spontaneous human combustion.

She was pretty hot.

I once dated a girl with two noses.

She wasn't much to look at but she smelled great.

I once dated a girl who said she was turned on by "Black eyes"

So I punched her in the face. Turns out I heard her wrong.

Wrong, just wrong.

I once dated a girl who talked about her ex- so much I ended up missing the guy.

Respect for the fallen

I once dated a girl with a tattoo of a poppy on her backside.

It was in memory of all those who had died at the front.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.