UPJOKE

I Must Be Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I know I must be really good in bed, because women always ask me

if there’s any possible way I could make it last longer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I must be amazing at sex...

My wife never moans when we do it.

I must be in the minority, but I always lick my knife when I'm done

None of the other surgeons seem to do it !

Everybody said I must be an insecure, small man to try and marry multiple people.

I think they're wrong, I think it's big-o'-me!

I must be a pessimist,

I've been trying to avoid positive people all year

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I must be emotionally constipated

...because I haven't given a shit in days

I must be a God.

Because I don't believe in myself.

I must be a credit card

Since I’m always been used or denied

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I must be a plumber

With all the shit I deal with each day

I must be bright

My dad always called me "sun"

I must be getting old...

While reading a post about someone asking for "short clean jokes" this one came to my mind and I can't believe I remember it entirely after such a long time... I do not remember having read it here but if it's a repeat ~ I'm sorry...

So here goes...

_____________________________
...

I must be Helicase

Cuz I wanna unzip your genes

I must be a geologist

I keep finding a new rock bottom.

I must be attracted to very cerebral women

because every woman I ask out says she needs to think about it.

I must be allergic to tequila...

Every time I drink it I break out in handcuffs.

I have finally found something I must be in love with.

GRAVITY! I fall for it all the time.

I must be ill

I thought I saw a sausage fly past my window, but it was actually a seabird. I think I've taken a tern for the wurst.

I like to touch every inch of your skin, I like to lie in your arms, I must be with you every moment.

You are the most comfortable sofa I have ever seen in my life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I must be fucking great in the sack

Every girl I've ever had sex with has told me she wishes it had been longer!

My friend told me that I must be autistic for not vaccinating my children.

It's such a shame that people still don't know how autism works.

My Wife and I must be getting older. The meaning of 69 has changed ...

Now we just lay on the bed and tie each others shoes.

If you’re a veterinarian then I must be a beastophiliac, necrophiliac

Cause I’m picking up what you’re putting down

i must be really good on the phone

Whenever I call a company, they tell me they are going to use my call for training purposes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three cowboys are settling down after a long day herding cattle.

The first cowboy says, "You know, it takes a real man's man to do this job. I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why? just the other day a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns, with my bare hands."

The second cowboy not t...

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