UPJOKE

I Love You Too Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lo...

Several men were in the locker room of the gym when a cell phone on a bench rang and a man put it on speaker and begins to talk. Everyone in the room stopped to listen.

Man: Hello!

Woman: Hi honey, its me. Are you at the club?

Man: Yes.

Woman: Im at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. Its only $2000: is it OK if I buy it?

Man: Sure, go ahead if you like that much.

Woman: I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and ...

Walking hand in hand, a daughter looks up at her father and asks, "Daddy, what did YOU want to name me?"

"Zelda honey," he responded, "I wanted to name you Zelda. But on the night you were born, mommy said there was no way I was naming you Zelda. You see honey, mommy went through a lot that night, and I was in no position to win naming rights."

"But why Zelda?" she asked.

"Bec...

A boy was asking out a girl when she replied to his affection with the line "I love you too, but like a brother!"

Saddened by her apparent refusal, he started walking away, until the girl said, "Wait. from where I'm from, that's good."

Confused, the boy asked, "Well, where is that?"

"Alabama."

Just one kiss, please

One night a guy dropped his girlfriend at her doorstep. As they were about to wish each other goodnight,the guy started feeling a little in the mood.

With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling, said to her,

“Honey, would you give me a kiss?”
...

What do you say when 2 fans of Bono tell you they love you?

I love you too you two U 2 fans.

I Love You..

HUSBAND: I LOVE YOU..
WIFE : I Love You Too, Infact
Love You So Much I Will Fight
The Whole World For You..
HUSBAND : But You Fight With
Me The Most
WIFE : Because You Are The
World To Me..

When your a spoiled brat and your dad is a trusts lawyer

Kid starts throwing a tantrum in a department store:

Kid: If you don’t buy this for me for Christmas I’ll kill myself!”

Dad: “Well then it’s a good thing I took out that life insurance policy on you”

Kid: “Ughhh! I hate you!”

Dad: “I love you too”

Kid: “Didn’t you ...

Girl: I'm having heart surgery today.

Boy: I know .

Girl: I love you.

Boy: I love you too.

After surgery the girl wakes up and finds her father sitting in the chair.

Girl: Where is my boyfriend ?

Dad: Don't you know who gave you your new heart.

Girl: (With tears in her eyes ) Omg.

Dad : I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Be Strong

A burglar entered a bedroom, tied up the husband and wife, kissed the wife's ear and went to the bathroom..

The husband said to the wife "Satisfy him or he will kill us, be strong. I love you"

Wife said "He didn't kiss me, he whispered in my ear that he is gay, he needs vaseline and i ...

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