I just realized my apartment has a pretty good ceiling.

I mean...it’s not the best, but it’s up there.

Hey! You know what I just realized??

That I’ve never had an epiphany...

I just realized my countertop is made of marble..

I have been taking it for granite all these years.

From my 4 year old: "Dad, i just realized why these things are called nappies..."

" ...because its like a napkin for your pee, so its called na-pee!"

(proud dad moment)

I just realized my wife left me because of my obsession with simplifying fractions.

Oh well, hindsight is 1.

I just realized today is my cake day

I Must of been high to Join Reddit

I just realized my phone unlocks whenever I say "Bukkake"

I guess I had facial recognition turned on

I just realized that the Black Pearl was undermanned...

It was operating with a skeleton crew

I just realized that never is a contraction of 'not ever'.

And blush is a contraction of 'blood rush'.
And studying is a contraction of 'student dying'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just realized the fight between obi wan and Anakin perfectly sums up the past year of fighting between Millenials and Boomers, respectively.

When Jedi business becomes too real.

---------------

Millenials: You have allowed this giant turd to twist your mind, until now, until now you've become the very thing you swore to destroy.

Boomer : Don't lecture me, child, I see through the lies of the libtards I do not fear t...

I just realized if you rearrange the letters in Hola, you get Aloha.

It's because I'm Canadian and automatically add an eh.

I just realized why I don't look good in pictures anymore.

It's my face.

I just realized why adult websites have a bunch of incest recently.

Everyone is clicking on 'Show more related videos'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just realized the other day that I'm gay.

It's finally Crystal queer!

I just realized that I have lost my mood ring...

Not sure how I feel about this...

I just realized that my wife is Santa Claus

I just realized that my wife is Santa Claus. She only comes once a year.

I just realized when you turn 18 your government free trial has ended...

you can terminate your contract but it voids all other assigning contacts permanently.

I just realized why China has some of the highest IQs

Due to re-education

I just realized the sub’s logo is a microphone.

There’s no joke. Just wanted to let you know.

I just realized how woke Nintendo is.

The Wii and WiiU may be the first consoles in history to have preferred personal pronouns.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just realized I have no idea what moth balls smell like. Have you ever smelled a moth ball before?

“Yeah, they’re awful!”

How’d you manage to get those tiny legs apart?

I just realized I haven't taken a Facebook quiz in years.

I don't even know who I am anymore.

I just realized that shovel was a ground-breaking invention.

*Ba-dum-tss*

It's so sad I just realized Earth isn't a triangle shape!!

Well I guess there isn't any point in life anymore

I just realized it's much safer to drive drunk

Because you see the street signs twice and you don't miss them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just realized I'm a bisexual.

Every time I have sex, I have to buy it.

I just realized why my wife never posts on Reddit.

She always has to have the last word.

I used to date a girl who was a fan of “Lion king” like me.

Whenever we made out, she used to say Sukona ma tatas.

I always corrected her saying that it’s Hakuna matata.

I just realized that I am an idiot.

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer.

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. The New Yorker the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: "They don't serve BEER here, you MORON!"

The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, and begi...

A man climbs Mount Everest.

He manages to reach the top, looks out at the amazing view, and promptly bursts into tears.

"Sir, what is wrong?" His guide asks.

The man struggles to get himself under control. "I- I just- I just realized..."

"My entire life will be all downhill from here."

Growing up I rarely got sick, I boasted about it to my friends and coworkers.

I just realized it was because I didn't have any friends growing up.

I think it is time to reconsider calling people 'Karen'. It is rude...

We can all be Karen's in our own ways. I just realized I'm a computer Karen.



Every time something is taking too long, or the slightest inconvenience happens, I immediately want to see the task manager.



\*sorry\*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife work remotely from our bedroom. My kids study remotely from their rooms. I work remotely from basement...

I just realized that I’m the only one who has to commute to work

Made this one up a couple months ago walking my daughter home from school after a snow day...

My daughter and her friend were telling me that they were building a chair out of snow at recess and it inspired this gem of a dad joke.

If a chair made of snow is a snair,
And a table made of snow is a snable,
What is a house made of snow?
.
.
.
.
.
An igloo of course...

A turtle walks into a bar...

A turtle walks into a bar. He sits down and gets ready to order. The bartender goes, "You're looking a little GREEN there friend, need some Ginger Ale?" Everyone started laughing. The turtle confused replied with, "No thanks, I'll just take some whiskey." The bartender gets him his drink and says, "...

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

The horse says, "I just realized that I'm a metaphysical concept within a fictional narrative and will cease to exist at the end of this sentence."

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