UPJOKE

I Guess You Could Say Jokes

My neighbor's son Bran always gave them a tough time eating breakfast. I guess you could say

Raisin Bran was hard !

I guess you could say October is...

Oct-over

I guess you could say playing quietly.......

Just isnt my forte

I guess you could say Luke Skywalker single-handedly defeated the empire.

I told this joke to someone in a dream, and when I woke up I realized it was actually funny.

My father is Irish and my mother is Chinese, so I guess you could say...

I'm "Cork-Asian"

If you, your parents, and your grandparents use reddit, I guess you could say it’s

Haredditary

My wife's star-sign was Cancer, so I guess you could say it was ironic how she died.

Mauled to death by a giant crab.

(SPOILERS) I guess you could say Tommen...

Made a King's landing.

I guess you could say that the invention of the shovel was really....

Ground-breaking

I had to put a bomb inside a bull today. So I guess you could say he’s

__*Abominable..*__

Jerry was pretty mad about that car accident earlier, i guess you could say that...

It drove him mad

I’m into girls, and I’m into guys, yet I’m still single.

So I guess you could say I’m all bi-myself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After masturbating post nut clarity hit hard

I guess you could say I came to my senses

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The victim was found with semen in her ear

I guess you could say she could hear the killer coming.

So a ginger friend of mine got their hair dyed, I guess you could say they are now...

A transginger

The very spiritual Gandhi walked everywhere, leaving him with impressive calluses. And he ate very little, which made him rather frail. His odd diet also plagued him with bad breath. I guess you could say.....

That he was a super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was told my joke belonged on this sub. (Original)

Two men are riding the subway in a big city, when one looks over to the other and says, "Say, how did you get those scratches all over your arms and face?"

The second man says, "Oh, these? I have an asshole cat who won't stop scratching me, but I'm about to rehome him to a friend. I'm actua...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I had a dollar for every time I got anal

I'd have enough money to bail my ass out of prison.

*Edit: Thanks for enlightening me, looks like you can't get bailed out of prison. I guess you could say my ass is fucked.

I guess you could say that having this level of incompetence in the White House is...

...unPRESIDENTed!

The news said that the Thai boys trapped in the cave system had no idea about the world outside following the happenings of the rescue, so I guess you could say that....

They were in the dark about their situation!

I took a class recently on the history of food preservation.

In the early days, metal containers were the cheapest and easiest to make, so almost all food was stored in cans. Tin was a particularly soft and easy to mold/shape, and didn’t rust like other options, so most preserved food cans were made of tin.

Things went great for a while, with some food...

I got hit by a violin a clarinet and a French horn today

I guess you could say it was an orchestrated attack

I brought my dead girlfriend back to life by passionately kissing her neck

...I guess you could say I'm a neck-romancer

A nan had every lamp light and candle robbed from his house

I guess you could say he was delighted.

I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage

I guess you could say it was bread in captivity

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I find myself very attracted to men with hairy legs, hooves, and horns who play the flute.

I guess you could say I am Pan Sexual.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, I was just in the laundry room, scooping the cat box, when a little turd rolled under the washing machine.

I guess you could say I really lost my shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Greek Mythology class is fucking up my GPA.

I guess you could say it's my Achilles femur.

The W.H.O officially announced that dogs cannot get infected by the Coronavirus. Therefore, dogs can basically leave quarantine.

So, i guess you could say.... W.H.O let the dogs out.

I find myself buying the same mosquito repellent my boyfriend gives me

I guess you could say he's rubbing Off on me

People say that a huge meteor killed the dinosaurs.

I guess you could say it killed lots of birds with one stone.

I once knew a girl who only dated tall guys

I guess you could say she had a foot fetish

A farmer installed a modem in his barn

I guess you could say he has stable internet now

I’m addicted to ancient, supernatural stories.

I guess you could say I’m a myth-head

You are what you eat

son: if you eat a lot of bananas will that make you go bananas?
Dad: hmm maybe. Your brother eats a lot of corn and he’s corny. Your sister eats a lot of cheese and she’s cheesy. Your mother eats a lot of nuts and she’s nuts and I eat.. I guess you could say I’m a scaredy cat
Son: huh?
Da...

My wife and I first made love with “Gonna Fly Now” playing in the background

I guess you could say we got off to a Rocky start

Today my mom saw me fingering myself on my period...

I guess you could say she caught me red-handed.

For a period, Houdini used a trap door in every single show he did...

I guess you could say it was a stage he was going through.

10 years ago to this day, I cut myself with a stick of RAM

I guess you could say I have a pretty sharp memory.

Username walks into a hotel...

And asks for a room. A few days later he leaves.

I guess you could say,

Username checks out.

If Donald trump takes over the presidency after Obama

I guess you could say orange really is the new black

I capture lions for a living...

I guess you could say I take pride in my work.

I have a skin disease called psoriasis

It really only flares up on my legs and feet and using dandruff shampoo helps clear it up or at least soften it. So I guess you could say I use head and shoulders for my knees and toes.

Today I'm only celebrating my birthday for half a minute!

I guess you could say it's my thirty-second birthday.

I'm an ex-neckbeard and I just shaved for the very first time!

I guess you could say I lost my fur-chin-ity..

I had a bad experience with Microsoft Excel

I guess you could say, it was a sheet experience.

We looked at a WeHo townhouse that we liked very much but sadly this place was next door to the large West Hollywood fire department station.

So I guess you could say it was in WEhoWEhoWehooooo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got last place in the dick measuring contest.



It was really hard competition, I guess you could say.

Am man fell into a big river in Uganda, Tanzania but didn't believe it.

I guess you could say he was in deNile

I've always been interested by the way different cultures say farewell

I guess you could say I'm bye curious

I received a phone call from an aging Australian yesterday.

I guess you could say a boomer rang

A man walks into a bar. Looking visibly distraught, he orders his drink.

A man walks into a bar. Looking visibly distraught, he orders his drink. "Having a bad day?", the barkeep asks. "I guess you could say so. I just accidently time travelled back into the 20th century." "Really? What did you change?" "Oh heavens, nothing! I just went straight back to the present. Do y...

A dishonest college graduate wrote “PhD” on his transcript

I guess you could say he doctored it

Karen

My mum usually complains about everything but lately she's gotten bored of it. I guess you could say that she's past the point of Karen.

How to stay in class

A college student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What a day. Our calculus instructor has to be one of the most difficult professors on the campus," the student says. "If she wasn't so drop-dead gorgeous I would have dropped the class already." "So I guess you could says she's easy on the ...

It is both International Lion Day and International S'more Day.

It is both International Lion Day and International S'more Day.

So I guess you could say, we need s'more lions!

New technology uses bacteria to power a laptop

I guess you could say the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the dell

I tried one of those "Try Not To Laugh" challenges, but barely made it halfway before cracking up.

I guess you could say... I fought the LOL, and the LOL won.

My son was getting super stressed learning about decimals.

I guess you could say it was getting pretty tenths.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once I met a guy with a micropenis

He was really nice.
I guess you could say he wasn’t a big dick

It seems everyone either loves or hates the Parks & Rec show

I guess you could say it's poehlerizing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As principal of the Catholic school, Mother Superior had seen her share of kids gone astray. From smoking cigarettes or pot to fighting and much more. However, it was uncanny how she always caught the guilty ones and set them straight.

I guess you could say she was Nun The Wiser

After being shorted by hedge funds, Gamestop, AMC, Blackberry and Nokia are watching those funds cry about their losses

I guess you could say those... companies love misery

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to have an addiction to masturbation, and then turned it into an addiction to sex

I guess you could say my addiction is now getting out of hand.

King Midas got a Twitter account and stared to post pictures of things he'd turned to gold. Within a days time every single tweet would land at exactly 1000 likes and 1618 comments.

I guess you could say all of his tweets were golden ratioed.

A man hurt himself while trying to chop wood

I guess you could say he had an axe-ident.

For all my life my dad kept messing with the ledge above the fire place, lengthening it, shortening it, sanding it, painting it. But he died last week. After I got home from the funeral I compulsively got my tools out and raised it six inches higher ...

... I guess you could say I’ve taken up his mantel.

I’m stuck in quarantine all alone with a deck of cards.

I guess you could say I’m in solitaire confinement.

John was the best liver surgeon in his hospital.

I guess you could say he always de-livered.

My eye Dr. is an Eskimo

I guess you could say I'm seeing an optical Aleutian

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm sapiosexual, I find intelligence attractive.

I guess you could say I come to a lot of conclusions.

I just started a YouTube channel about viruses.

I guess you could say I’m a real influenz-er

I let my goats get whatever they want, they are spoiled rotten

I guess you could say I have a bleeting heart

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I entered a gameshow to win a million dollars...

The gameshow required guessing the unknown using your five senses.

In round one, I stuck my hand into a covered box and guess what was inside by feel. Without hesitation I knew it was seaweed and tinfoil. I would know that feeling anywhere.

In round two, we were paired and had to guess...

I just recently switched from a 1080p monitor to a 4k monitor

I guess you could say that it's my new year's resolution

a man has been stealing tires from the cops

I guess you could say the cops are tirelessly looking for him.

I work security at a Samsung store.

I guess you could say I’m... a gaurdian of the galaxy!

Did you hear about my friend from Australia studying abroad in Korea?

I guess you could say he’s my Seoul mate.

I used to smoke weed with a nun

One day we were blazing and she confessed to me that she always wore the same robe whenever she smoked weed. She said as soon as she finished smoking she'd go straight home, wash it, and hide it in the back of her closet.

I guess you could say she was ashamed of her drug habit.

I’ve been on the prowl for the best thrift store deals

I guess you could say I’m Goodwill Hunting.

I have Apple appliances in every room of my home.

In addition everyone in my household owns an iPhone, iPad or both. We are pretty diligent about keeping all of the devices synchronized with each other. All, except for some reason, the kitchen.

I guess you could say, everything but the kitchen’s synch’d.

In a fit of rage I smashed my keyboard til all the keys popped off.

I guess you could say I lost Ctrl.

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