UPJOKE

I Got You Jokes

For Xmas I got you mental arithmetic.

It's the thought that counts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband tells his wife, “Honey, I got you some Aspirin!”

The wife says, “But I don’t have a headache.”

“Great! Let’s have sex!”

Karen: You'll never guess what I got you for your birthday.

Dave: A 3-way with your sister?

Karen: \*storms out

Dave: omg did I ruin the surprise?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Nsfw] I was planning to buy a SUV for while. My birthday arrived and my wife said "Surprise, I got you SUV"

Elated I jumped "wow honey, you are the best....cant wait to go out and check it out!"

She said "No need. Its in the bag here. Socks Underwear & Viagra"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So the popular joke of the morning is the whale blowjob.... I got you!

So a couple of years ago two sharks were swimming along and came across a small party boat that was sinking. One shark says to the other, lets swim around and show them one fin, that will scare them. So they make a few laps, sure enough giving the party on board a good scare. The sharks hang around ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An out-of-work actor gets a call from his agent one day.

"I got you a job. It's a one-liner."

"That's okay!" replies the actor, "I've been out of work for so long I'll take anything. What's the line?"

"Hark, I hear the cannons roar," says the agent.

"I love it!" says the actor. "When's the audition?"

"Wednesday," says the agent...

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