I Got Pulled Over Jokes

When I rolled down my window to ask what was wrong, she said
"NOTHING"

He came to the window and said papers ...

I said - scissors, I win - and drove off

He must be desperate for a rematch as he's been chasing me for ages!

The cop said “you know, the news says those things are killing people.”

I chuckled and said “they’re saying the same thing about you guys.”

He didn’t laugh.

Once he stopped laughing he wrote me up for indecent exposure

The cop didn't give me a ticket. He just wanted to know how I did it.

Cop: Where's your passenger?

Me: Due to social distancing they're in the car behind me.

I got pulled over by the cops for riding a bike drunk. The cop asks me; "what do you think you're doing riding a bike drunk?"

So I told him, " I'm too drunk to drive, and every time I try and walk I fall down. So I stole the bike"

Anyhow, long story short, I need bail money.

Officer: Sir, you know you're not supposed to be using your phone while driving, don't you?

Me: Well officer, I guess we all make mistakes when we've been drinking.

The officer asked “any drugs or alcohol tonight?” I’m not sure what reply he was looking for but it sure wasn’t “no thanks, I’m already wasted.”

Trooper: Your license states that you're required to wear corrective lenses. Where are your glasses?

Me: It's ok. I've got contacts.

Trooper: Listen pal, I don't care who you know!

I was driving home from the bar and of course Sirens were wailing and showing red and blue.

I pulled over and the officer showed up to my window and shined a light in my eyes.

“Sir you have been swerving and your eyes are red have you been drinking”

“Well, your eyes are glazed h... read more

He came to my window and said "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

I said, "No officer - I thought for sure you'd know."

LPT - Don't do this.

I responded "you buying?" We both laughed and I got arrested

Cop: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

Me: "Yeah. It's that short in my taillights. Everytime I turn they blink on and off."

Cop; "You gotta get that fixed. No one else's car on the road is doing that."

... Apparently, "I'm not sure, officer. I only tested it up to 115 mph so far, but then you pulled me over" was not the correct response.

I told the cop it’s my first time knitting, so I’m pretty slow at it.

The cop was pretty passive about the sentence he handed me.

"Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I dont, I was trying to keep up with traffic."

*State Boy looks left and right*

"Son, there is no traffic around us."

"See, that's how far behind I am!"

Cop: Did you know you were speeding?

Me: No, but I passed someone who was!

The cop asked: "Drugs,alcohol?"

I said:"Nah mate, we got both"

The police officer said "I've been waiting for someone like you all day."

I promptly replied "Well I got here as fast as I could!"

“And that’s not even the booze talking!”

I told him “no sir, but I’ve got some Sting albums”

The cop said I can't be driving in this lane without anyone else in my car, but the joke's on him. The trunk is full of people.

I'm pretty sure I was speeding too, but the cop just kept focusing on the legs around my head being unsafe.

And I had JUST gotten the old one taken out when he pulled me over.

So I was driving down the highway in my new Mercedes doin' about 80mph. I see red and blue flashin' lights in my rear-view mirror. I think to myself, 'I'm in a new Mercedes! Who could catch me?' So I start speedin' up 90mph, 100mph, 110mph, 120mph. He's still there. So I pull over and the cop takes ... read more

They asked me where I was between 6 and 11. I told them I was in grade school.

In my defense I didn't even know I was driving.

The cop says, "Didn't you see the stop sign?"

Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.

He made me roll the window down and says, "Do I know why I pulled you over?"

Me: "Uhhh, you owe me 20 bucks?"

He pulled me over three more times, and I made $80 that day.

He said "This a passing lane only. Are you from around here?"
I said "No I'm just passing through."
He let me go with just a warning.

He chuckled, "Just hold on to it and when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."