UPJOKE

I got pulled over for texting while driving

Officer: Sir, you know you're not supposed to be using your phone while driving, don't you?

Me: Well officer, I guess we all make mistakes when we've been drinking.

I got pulled over for riding a bike drunk

I got pulled over by the cops for riding a bike drunk. The cop asks me; "what do you think you're doing riding a bike drunk?"

So I told him, " I'm too drunk to drive, and every time I try and walk I fall down. So I stole the bike"

Anyhow, long story short, I need bail money.

I got pulled over for speeding by a woman police officer and almost talked my way out of it by telling her she looked stunning. Then I messed up by saying...

“And that’s not even the booze talking!”

I got pulled over by a state trooper the other day.

Trooper: Your license states that you're required to wear corrective lenses. Where are your glasses?

Me: It's ok. I've got contacts.

Trooper: Listen pal, I don't care who you know!

I got pulled over and my vape was in my cup holder.

The cop said “you know, the news says those things are killing people.”

I chuckled and said “they’re saying the same thing about you guys.”

He didn’t laugh.

I got pulled over once and the cop asked me if I knew what the speed limit was...

... Apparently, "I'm not sure, officer. I only tested it up to 115 mph so far, but then you pulled me over" was not the correct response.

I got pulled over by a female cop...

When I rolled down my window to ask what was wrong, she said
"NOTHING"

I got pulled over by a cop this morning

He came to my window and said "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

I said, "No officer - I thought for sure you'd know."

LPT - Don't do this.

I got pulled over by the police ...

He came to the window and said papers ...

I said - scissors, I win - and drove off

He must be desperate for a rematch as he's been chasing me for ages!

I got pulled over in the carpool lane today....

Cop: "Where is your passenger?"

Me: "Due to social distancing, he's in the car right behind me."

I got pulled over a while back.

The officer asked “any drugs or alcohol tonight?” I’m not sure what reply he was looking for but it sure wasn’t “no thanks, I’m already wasted.”

So I got pulled over...

I was driving home from the bar and of course Sirens were wailing and showing red and blue.

I pulled over and the officer showed up to my window and shined a light in my eyes.

“Sir you have been swerving and your eyes are red have you been drinking”

“Well, your eyes are glazed h...

The other day I got pulled over by a cop. When he walked up, I pulled out my 9mm...

Once he stopped laughing, he wrote me up for indecent exposure...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got pulled over by a cop

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Me: Is it bec-

Another car passing by: *HONK*

Me: Is it becau-

Another car passing by: *HONK HONK*

Me: I think it's becau-

Another car passing by: *HOOOONNNNKKKKKK*

Me: Is it because of the "Honk if you think co...

I got pulled over while driving because I was weaving too much.

I told the cop it’s my first time knitting, so I’m pretty slow at it.

I got pulled over this morning. The officer asked me if I had a police record.

I told him “no sir, but I’ve got some Sting albums”

I got pulled over for trying to drive my loom to work today...

The cop said I was weaving all over the road.

I got pulled over by Cop today...

Cop: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

Me: "Yeah. It's that short in my taillights. Everytime I turn they blink on and off."

Cop; "You gotta get that fixed. No one else's car on the road is doing that."

Cops are getting brutal out there. I got pulled over for changing my radio while driving!

And I had JUST gotten the old one taken out when he pulled me over.

I got pulled over a while ago and the officer asked me "you drinking?"

I responded "you buying?" We both laughed and I got arrested

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got pulled over by a cop

He came to the window and told me I was swerving. He then announced that I was drunk, and proceeded to give me a breathalyzer.
I told him: "I can't I have dyspnea" (Trouble Breathing)
He then told me to take a urine test.
I told him: "I cant, I have a failing liver"
He then continues to ...

I got pulled over by the Grammar Police.

The cop was pretty passive about the sentence he handed me.

I got pulled over today by a State Highway Patrolman..

"Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I dont, I was trying to keep up with traffic."

*State Boy looks left and right*

"Son, there is no traffic around us."

"See, that's how far behind I am!"

I got pulled over today for going 112 mph in a 55 mph zone.

The police officer said "I've been waiting for someone like you all day."

I promptly replied "Well I got here as fast as I could!"

My friends and I got pulled over by the police...

The cop asked: "Drugs,alcohol?"

I said:"Nah mate, we got both"

I got pulled over for speeding in a Chevette.

The cop didn't want to give me a ticket; he just wanted to know how I did it.

Today I got pulled over. The conversation went like this:

Cop: Did you know you were speeding?

Me: No, but I passed someone who was!

I got pulled over for speeding today and as the officer was handing me my ticket, I sarcastically asked, "What am I supposed to do with this!?"

He chuckled, "Just hold on to it and when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."

I got pulled over in the carpool lane today

The cop said I can't be driving in this lane without anyone else in my car, but the joke's on him. The trunk is full of people.

I got pulled over doing 69 in a 55 last night.

I'm pretty sure I was speeding too, but the cop just kept focusing on the legs around my head being unsafe.

So the other day I got pulled over by a policeman with Alzheimer's…

He made me roll the window down and says, "Do I know why I pulled you over?"

Me: "Uhhh, you owe me 20 bucks?"

He pulled me over three more times, and I made $80 that day.

I got pulled over by the police last night

They asked me where I was between 6 and 11. I told them I was in grade school.

I got pulled over for driving in the left lane on the highway.

He said "This a passing lane only. Are you from around here?"
I said "No I'm just passing through."
He let me go with just a warning.

I got pulled over the other day

So I was driving down the highway in my new Mercedes doin' about 80mph. I see red and blue flashin' lights in my rear-view mirror. I think to myself, 'I'm in a new Mercedes! Who could catch me?' So I start speedin' up 90mph, 100mph, 110mph, 120mph. He's still there. So I pull over and the cop takes ...

I got pulled over for running a stop sign.

The cop says, "Didn't you see the stop sign?"

Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.

I got pulled over drunk driving last night...

In my defense I didn't even know I was driving.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I Got Pull Over Today (real conversation with cop)

So….today I got pulled over about 15 feet from the front of my building on my way to work for rolling a stop as I was putting my seatbelt on. I just left it unbuckled so he didn’t think I was trying to pull one over on him.

Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Me: Because I’m an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license and all just because of a stupid police officer...

The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."

Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

pulled over by a cop

I was driving down the street this morning and a stupid goose flew out in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to swerve or stop and ran right into him. It must've hit at the right angle because sure enough, the goose bounced off the hood of my car, popped up, and smacked straight into a pol...

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