UPJOKE

I Don't Like Jokes

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I don't like the term 'Anal Bleaching'.

I prefer to call it 'changing my ringtone'.

I don't like over confident people

Edit: Thanks for the silver!

Edit2: thanks for the gold!

Edit3: thanks for the platinum!

Edit4: thanks guys! I never expected this post to blow up like it did!!

Edit5: thanks for the argentinium!

Edit6: thanks for the ternium!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have to tell my girlfriend that I don't like the fetish she's into...

But first I need to get some shit off my chest.

I don't like ladies with fat legs. I don't like ladies with thin legs.

I like something inbetween.

I don't like anti-vaxxers

They make me sick!

I don't like people who take drugs

For example, airport security.

I heard the people of Dubai don't like the Flintstones...

But people in nearby Abu Dhabi do

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't like to brag, but I have a huge sex drive.

It's almost up to 5 TB.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't like braille porn

It's all fingering.

I don't like to think

Thank goodneth I know how to thwim

Husband: I don't like three things about you. Wife: What things?

Husband: Your chin.

I don't like people who do Yoga

They're a bunch of posers if you aske me.

I don't like the word "steal".

I prefer "buy none get one free".

I don't like to brag

But my psychologist said I have the biggest ego he's ever seen.

I don't like Haikus; But I like ironic twists

I am conflicted

I don't like discussing sunglasses with other people....

I find it to be a very polarizing subject

I don't like telling jokes about Muslims.

A lot of them have a very short fuse.

I don't like going to the barber's shop anymore!

He is always looking down on me.

"I don't like to send money via texts, so I need you to prove you're really my nephew. How many fingers am I holding up on my right hand?"

--This is a text, how should I know?

"I'm an amputee, and you'd know"

Boy: Mommy! I don't like my little brother!

Mom: Shut up and keep eating.

I don't like people who make "I didn't sleep last night" their entire personality

They are tiring to be around

I don't like radiologists!

I always feel like they're looking right through me.

Everyone's using 24hr clock these days but I don't like it.

Not on my watch.

I don't like average looking boys.

They are quite 'mean'.

I don't like cocaine.

I just like the smell.

I don't like the word xenophobia!

It just sounds foreign to me

I don't like Moussaka

It's too Greecy

I don't like bragging about going to expensive places...

But I went to the gas station yesterday.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't like to call it "masterbation"

I refer to it as a "do it yourself project"

Two things that I don't like about myself are procrastination and the habit of forgetting things.

But the good thing is that I don't procrastinate.

I don't like Muslin Afghans and think people should stone them.

A good stonewash can make muslin fabric softer and more flexible which is better suited for afghans and blankets in general, otherwise just go with a soft acrylic yarn.

I don't like sidescrolling games on pc...

most of the time it's just d-pressing.

I don't like these jokes

I upvote them

I don't like watching sad movies.

If i wanted to cry I'd open my wallet instead.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't like sex in the shower.

It's slippery, dangerous and one of the worst things about prison.

I don't like coffee

It's not my cup of tea

I don't like to eat anything labeled "reformed ham"

As I think it is unfair that the pigs are slaughtered after they've got their lives back on track.

I don't like jokes because my sense of humor are like my dad....

gone

I don't like ninja jokes

I never see them coming!

I don't like to brag...

... about not bragging.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't like domestic violence..

I like international violence, So I take my wife to Japan, Thailand, Croatia.


Just a joke guys..
I don't have money to travel this much..

I don't like the term "old man".

I prefer "always hacky sacking"

I don't like that clown from IT.

He's always fooling around and cracking jokes instead of fixing our computers.

I don't like stairs.

They're always up to something. I'm taking steps to avoid them.

I don't like the injection nurse

He's a real prick

I don't like to illegally download music.

I'm afraid I'll get FLAC.

I don't like political jokes

Too many of them get elected.

I don't like to be told that I have a dad bod

I prefer father figure

I don't like making 9/11 jokes.

in my experience, they never land well.

I don't like people who waste my time.

Damn clock suckers.

My girlfriend says she may break up with me because I don't like cats...

I told her, "I like cats, I just can't eat a whole one by myself."

I don't like haggis

It's offal

"I don't like to call it the One Ring"

"I prefer 'unexpected item in the Baggins area'"

I don't like talking about my childhood as a church choir boy

it is a touchy subject

I don't like yo mama jokes. They've been done by thousands of ppl

Just like yo mama

I don't like joking about power outages.

It is dark humor.

I don't like the climate in some South American countries

I find it a bit Chile

"Mom, I don't like grandma..."

"Shut up and eat what's on your plate!"

I don't like gravity

It brings me down

I don't like the new guy my neighbor has

He's awful if you ask me. Looks alone. Kinda short and barely any hair. Then he's lying in bed all day, and if he's not sleeping he's screaming at her. Also hitting the bottle quite heavily and probably didn't work a single day in his whole life.

I really can't figure out what people see in b...

I don't like cheese...

Maybe I'm just uncultured.

I don't like teachers who make me calculate with humans.

They commit math genocide on a daily basis.

I don't like Swiss cheese.

It's the way it's always holier than thou.

I don't like computer science jokes...

Not one bit.

I know this is unpopular to say in this inclusive culture but there are some races I don't like

Especially the 800 m dash

I don't like dodecahedrons

They are too edgy for me.

I don't like jokes about hats.

They go over my head.

I don't like jokes at my expense.

I'm poor. No need to add insult to injury.

Wanna know what? There's two things about you that I don't like.

And it's your face.

You know why I don't like bad hookers?

They really rub me the wrong way.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't like Nazi jokes...

...they're far beyond Mein Kampfort zone.

I don't like asparagus

It makes my pee taste funny

I don't like to make jokes about religion anymore...

Last time I did I was crucified for it...


and I thought I nailed it.

I don't like Santa

He gives all the expensive gifts only to the rich kids

Sure, they're popular, but I don't like Russian dolls.

They're always so full of themselves, which I think is a pretty unattractive trait.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't like my neighbor, so I stole his bell.

He got the No Bell prize for being a jerk.

I don't like funerals before midday.

I'm not a mourning person...

I don't like cocaine..

I just love the way it smells.

I don't like jam

but my marmite

Note : Girlfriend was determined this was a good joke, I thought it was trash. You decide.

I don't like Orion's belt.

It's a huge waist of space.

Personally, I don't like bananas.

But I can understand the, uh, peel.

I don't like nuts in my ice cream....

But my Boyfriend loves nuts in his.

I don't like generalizations...

They all suck.

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do

And for the people who DO like country music, 'denigrate' means 'put down.'


\- Bob Newhart

I don't like German cuisine.

It's just the Wurst.

I don't like drug tests...

They're not my cup of pee.

I don't like Russian dolls...

They're so full of themselves

I don't like these Chinese New Year celebrstions

They tend to Drag-on.

I don't like Madeline McCann jokes...

There's always something missing from them.

I don't like eating weirdly named foods

I always Falafel afterwards

I don't like camping with just one other person.

It's just too intense.

I don't like drive-thru's

I think it's money out the window.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"I don't like drama," my ex told me.

Right, bitch has a whole shelf of Shakespeare.

People ask me why I don't like spoons.

Idk why really. They just seem pointless to me.

I don't like Grandma!

A kid is having dinner with his family and after a while he grunts out:
- I don't like grandma!
- Jimmy, don't say that!
Some time goes by and he blurts it out again.
- Mom, I don't like grandma!
- Don't say that...
And hes back at it again.
- Mom I don't like grandma!
- Fine...

I don't like damp things

For the moist part

I don't like foot amputees.

I'm lack-toes intolerant.

I don't like kids who still have to wear nappies.

They are so full of themselves.

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