UPJOKE

I Don't Always Jokes

I don't always tell dad jokes

But when I do, he laughs
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I don't always tell dad jokes

But when I do, he laughs.


Bonus: my dad says I'm the only joke he'll ever need.
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I don't always roll a joint but when I do

It's my ankle
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I don't always beat my girlfriend, but when I do...

it's to the door to open it for her.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't always tell Dad jokes,

but when I do, he tells me to get my fucking life together and stop being a disappointment.

I don't always listen to metal, but when I do...

so do the neighbors.
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I don't always tell Dad jokes...

But I've been saving the best ones for twenty years, and we're going have such a laugh when he comes back with those smokes!
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I don't always joke about stillborn Greek gods...

...but when I do, it's all about dead Pan delivery.
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I don't always put an orange wedge in my beer

Except maybe once in a Blue Moon
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I don't always drink and drive. But when I do...

it's when I'm playing Mario Kart.
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I don't always eat breakfast in the morning.

But when I do, I eat dos eggies
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I don't always tell Harambe jokes

but I'll take a shot at it.
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I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do . . . . .

It's because I missed my exit.
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I don't always use complete sentences

But when I do
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I don't always cry myself to sleep

I have insomnia.
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I don't always neuter my animals...

But when I do...

I take dos testes
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I don't always travel back in time

But when I do, I didn't yet
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I don't always make jokes about children learning math

But when I do; I'd make sure they count
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I don't always date people with...

I don't always date people with chromosomes...

But when I do, I prefer Dos Equis.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't always masturbate in public bathrooms, but when I do...

It's at a urinal

I don't always post something witty and amusing

.....but when I do, I probably stole it from someone else.
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I don't always seduce hispanic Star Trek fans...

but when I do, I prefer dos Trekkies
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't always give women orgasms, but when I do...

I let them swallow.

I don't always go golfing, but when I do I bring two pairs of pants...

....in case I get a hole in one
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As a customs officer, I don't always agree with people...

...but I see where they come from.
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I don't always feel like I won the genetic lottery, but when I do...

I'm at Wal-mart.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't always give her an orgasm, but when I do..

She spits it back at me.

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