UPJOKE

I Can Make Jokes

Magician: I can make anything disappear

Magician: I can make disappear

I was thinking how I can make some random strangers on internet angry today…

… but first I will feed my dog that chocolate bar he has been eyeing.

Magician: I can make anything disappear

Tom: ***holding cup*** do it to my tea!

Magician: ***waves hand*** done!

om: ***holding cup*** it didn’t work.

A lawyer was working in his office when Satan appeared. "I can make it so you win every case in your career and make huge piles of money. In exchange you will give me your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, your parent's souls, your grandparent's souls and the souls of all your friends!"

The lawyer thought it over for a moment and then asked, "What's the catch?"

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”

The man asks, “And how would you do that?”



The woman says, “Just wait and see.”



She then hangs upside down from the ceiling.



The boss comes in and asks, “What are you doing?”



The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.”



The boss th...

It's finally my cake day, so I can make my cake day repost

N. 5347!

I can make you speak Irish

Say "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly

I can make digital art and canvas art easily.

But when it comes to paper, that's where I draw the line.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was confused the other day when someone told me I can make ice cubes with left over wine.

What the fuck is "left over wine"?

Magician: I can make anything disappear

Man: Proof?









Magician: I can make dissapear.

I can make you see your brain!

That's just how eye-roll.

Today I learned that I can make an ice cube melt just by concentrating on it and thinking ''Melt.''

I have to admit that it takes a lot longer than I expected.

I bet I can make u say 5

How old were you when ur dad left

A man is standing on a cliff and says to his wife “I bet I can make it to the bottom faster than you!”. She agrees to the bet and they both jump off at the same time. Who wins?

Charles Darwin

I bet I can make you talk like an Indian.

How?

I asked a fellow church member if I can make jokes about Jesus...

They said "As long as you nail it."

I bet I can make you temporarily happy.

See? Now you’re disappointed.

Ryu, do you think I can make my dreams come true?

Ryu: SHORYUKEN!

I can make you speak even MORE Irish.

Say this five times fast:

"Your fork can eat jet."

I said to this blonde girl, I bet you $50 I can make you turn your hands over, no way says the blonde, I said put your hands out so blonde puts her hands out, I said.

No the other way.

So she turns her hands over.



Courtesy of Only Fools and Horses.

I can make every woman scream in the shower.

By flushing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thanks to Viagra I can make love to my wife for the first time in in ten years.

It doesn't even matter that she's been dead for five.

I found out today that I can make time move forward with my mind.

It just takes me a minute.

Donald Trump put out an ad that said, "I can make you a millionaire in three months" with one small caveat...

Billionaires only.

I can make anyone go crazy

I went up to a girl and told her I can make her go crazy.

Her: "Okay. How?"

Me: "Stick your hand down my pants."

Her: "Ummmm, okay?"

Me: "How do you feel?"

Her: "I feel nuts!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm taking up cross-stitch so I can make handmade gifts for all the girls in my life

Cause bitches get stitches.

(though I won't have as many once this stupid joke gets out.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young university student is failing her history class

So she decides to see if she can, shall we say, convince her professor to give her a passing grade. She does her hair and makeup, puts on a skimpy dress and heels, and goes to his office.

"Professor," she says, "I'm afraid that I might fail your class."

"That's true," he says, barely ...

With only one finger

Guy: i can make girls screaming with only one finger

Girl: (sigh) yea yea sure

Guy: (put his finger in the eye of the girl)

Girl: AAAAARGN!

Bridge to Hawaii

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly, the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Young mans first-ever around-the-world cruise

A young sailor about to go on his first-ever around-the-world cruise, visits his grandfather, a retired Admiral.

“Gramps, I’m so excited to go on my first cruise,” he says.

“Well, son, let me see your pack so I can make sure you’re taking everything you need,” says the grandfather.
...

a man walks into a bar....

a man walks into a bar, puts an iguana and a frog on the bar and orders a pint.

the barman spots this and says "oi, wtf are you doing bringing them in here?!?"

the man takes a sip of his pint and says to the barman "i bet you 100£ i can make the frog sing".

the barman says "ok, ...

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