UPJOKE

I Bet You Can't Jokes

I bet you can't spell *part* backwards.

I knew you could really. It's just a trap.

I bet you can't name a useless, non functioning member of society.

My parents did.

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A husband tells his wife: "I bet you can't say something that makes me happy and sad at the same time"

She told him: "you have the biggest dick in the whole town"

Nixon: "I bet you can't run a more scandal-ridden presidency than me"

"Hold my beer"

"Sure.. Wait this isnt beer"

So I went in the butchers and he said " I bet you can't reach those two pieces of meat up on that high shelf" I answered "I don't bet" "Why" he asked...

"The stakes are too high"

I bet you can't name two structures that can hold water

Well, dam!

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Husband: Darling, I bet you cant say something that will make me happy and sad at the same time

Wife: What?

Husband: Im saying I bet you can't say something that will make me feel both happy and sad at the same time.

Wife after thinking for a second:
Well you have the largest penis among all your friends.

A husband and wife are sitting on the couch watching a movie, the wife looks over at the husband and says "i bet you can't make me scream with only two fingers"

So he pokes her in the eyes

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A lady walks into a bar and sees a really cute guy sitting at the counter.

She goes over and asks him what he is drinking.
"Magic Beer", he says
She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after that there is no one else worth talking to,goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says,"That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?"
"Yes, I'll show you...

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Old guy goes up to old lady in a nursing home and says, "I bet you can't guess how old I am!"

She says, "yes I can, unzip your pants"

Old guy is surprised but unzips. She sticks her hand in and plays with his dick for a minute. She then says, "you're 83"

The guy says, "I am 83! How do you know?"

Old lady says, "You told me yesterday."

I said to my friend "I bet you can't name a single subject, I don't have a joke about" He said " beavers"

"damn" I replied....

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A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology....

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "Mixed Emotions".
The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that's a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time".
She said: "Out...

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Bet you can't see your dick!

My colleague: "I bet you can't see your dick when you look down in the shower."

Me: "No, just your daughter's head,"

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Two guys walk into a bar

Two guys walk into a bar and sit down at a table.
The barkeep comes over to them and asks, "What can I serve you gentlemen?"

One of them says to the barkeep, "I'll bet you a pitcher of your finest beer that I can lick my eye."

The barkeep says, "I've had guys come in here that could...

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Falling For You

A construction crew were working on a new high-rise building, and joking about how high up they were. On a particularly windy day, they decided to play a little game.



"I bet you can't have a piss off the end of that platform"

"Sure I can, though you go first"



The...

A man gets pulled over for speeding...

The office saunters up to his car and he rolls down the window.

"I've heard every excuse for speeding in the book. I bet you can't give me one I haven't heard. But if you do, I'll let you off with a warning."

The man replies.

"Well you see officer, few years back my wife went ...

There once lived a Mr. Wrong

Since he was a wee lad, Mr. Wrong had it tough. He was a bright, brilliant young boy, but to his mother he would never be enough. Worse still, she'd make all sorts of outlandish statements to rub it into him that he would never amount to anything.

Mr. Wrong was tenacious though, as he'd delib...

An old man and an old woman are hanging out in a retirement home...

The old man says to the old woman "I bet you can't guess how old I am."
The old woman say "I bet I can! Let me try something."
The old woman reaches down the man's pants and feels around for a few seconds and says "You're 86 years old!"
The old man says "Wow! How did you do that?" ...

Three guys walk into a wizard's bar

They are greeted by an old man with a long beard at the bar who introduces himself as the bartender.

"Tonight only, for just $100, you can have an endless glass of anything in this bar!"

"Yeah right!" The first guy says. "Bet you can't get me an endless, cold Moosehead!"

With a ...

Alzheimers..

This old guy and old lady are sitting in a nursing home when the guy turns to the woman and says "I bet you can't guess how old I am". The lady says "I'll bet I can, unzip your pants", so he does, she sticks her hand in, feels around, pulls her hand out and says "you're 83". The guy says "WOW! Th...

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Three men go to hell

Three men go to hell and the Devil offers them all a second chance on earth as long as they can out smart him. The first man steps up and says "I'm gonna melt this block of cheese and I bet you can't put it back together." The man melts the cheese and the Devil puts his hands over it, turning it bac...

Dave and John walk in a market

Dave stole three Snickers bars and put them in his pocket. He said "I have such quick hands, no one ever caught me. I bet you can't do same". At the cashier desk, John says to the cashier " you wanna see some magic" he says "yeah" . John says bring me 3 Snickers bars. He brought them, John ate them....

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It's an XO (Navy Executive Officer)'s last day before retirement...

...and the Captain comes up to him and tells him that upon finishing his nightly duties, he is to inventory everything on the entire ship and have it on the Captain's desk by the next morning at 0700.

The XO grins widely and says "Aye aye, sir!"

The Captain looks at him for a moment an...

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Two soldiers

Two soldiers were stationed at a secret base on Greenland. The only entertainment they had was a worn out deck of cards and as time went on the two soldiers became bored with the cards, so to keep them selves entertained they started doing dares to each other.

At first it started out easy lik...

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Old man and woman sitting in a nursing home

So these two older folks are sitting in their nursing home playing a game of checkers. Nothing interesting is happening until the old man remembers something, perks up and says to the woman: "Hey, guess what?"

"What" says the woman with a wry smile

"Today is my birthday!!" the old man ...

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