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The "Sir Sandwich" (I don't understand this joke!)

This joke appeared on Everybody Loves Raymond and I don't get it:

Our drill sergeant stressed to us the importance of addressing all officers with what he called a “Sir Sandwich.” “Sir, yes Sir!” “Sir, I don’t know, Sir!” and the like. A few days later a colonel approached me in the motor poo...

During a trial the defendant says "Your Honor, I believe that someone who saw his father die from the hands of a man he trusted most, and then witnessed the same thing happen to his mother, deserves to be granted a more lenient sentence".

The judge replies: "Sir, while I appreciate your concern, I do not think this line of thought applies to murdering your own parents."

What did Wonder Woman say after Superman gave her his bottled city?

"I appreciate your Kandor"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman tells her husband, "Honey, I've thought this through. I'm going to become a hooker."

"We're barely making ends meet", she adds, "you can't take any more of your job, and forgive me Lord, but there isn't a job I'm qualified for that pays better."

"So it has come to this. I can't say I'm fully comfortable with the idea, but you're right: right now, it's our only way up. I love ...

The doctor gave me a Rorschach test and asked, "what do you see?"

I answered, "I see an old, sad, overworked man, tired of doing the same thing over and over, only visited when others need something from him, blamed for things outside his control, and never being appreciated enough."

"I appreciate your honesty", said the doctor, "but I meant, what do you se...

Jacob was a religious man.

He attended church regularly. He was a Deacon in his church. He raised his family to believe in the Lord, but never passed judgement on anyone, believing that judgement was reserved for God alone. When he saw others going astray he would keep his thoughts to himself, unless asked. In short, he alway...

The school field trip

A group of 2nd, 3rd and 4th graders, accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses, but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher ...

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A dictator once asked a famous composer if he could write him a brilliant piece of music.

Naturally, the composer was extremely nervous, as the dictator had a habit of giving the death penalty to those who did not please him.

The composer spent weeks working on this piece, and from a musical standpoint it was quite good. So, he gathered his orchestra and performed his piece for th...

An American hiker walks to the edge of a Himalayan cliff, determined to end it all.

As he stares down at the rocks below, he notices movement out of the corner of his eye. He glances over to see a Buddhist monk standing between two trees, beckoning him over.

With nothing to lose, the man shuffles over to the monk, who is holding a string of prayer flags. "You trying to talk...

Two doctor friends are sitting and having a chat on a bench.

Across from them, they see a man hobbling and barely able to walk.

The first doctor says “Poor guy, looks like he suffered a devastating back injury. You can tell by his posture and the way he’s shifting his weight.”

The second doctor says “I disagree. I think it’s a hip injury, look ...

A little old lady sold pretzels on the corner for fifty cents each

A little old lady sold pretzels on the street corner for fifty cents each. Every day, a young lawyer would exit his office building at lunch, and as he passed her pretzel stand, he'd leave two quarters. However, he never took a pretzel.

This went on for nearly five years.

Even though ...

A small town has been flooded.

A man on a raft spots a priest, who has water up to his waist. The man says, "Quick father! Get on the raft before the water rises!" The priest says, "I appreciate your kind offer, but I am waiting for the lord to save me." Several minutes later, a boat spots the priest, who has water up to his shou...

Three Nuns

Three Nuns die in a car crash, and find themselves at the pearly gates.

St. Peter stops them, stating "Ladies, I appreciate your position, but there's a new policy in place from upstairs. To enter unto Heaven, you must demonstrate some knowledge of The Bible."

He asks the first Nun. "W...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and a Paddy go to Saudi Arabia

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and a Paddy go to Saudi Arabia. They decide to start drinking and somehow get caught. the go to see the Sultan for their punishment. The Sultan says "You're lucky today. I'm feeling nice today and I will only give you 50 lashes and you can choose to put anything on your ba...

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An old farmer and his neighbor butt heads

An old farmer lives in a world that is always a few generations behind the modern era. As the city grows, the suburbs encroach upon the rural countryside inhabitants that have stewarded these hills for the last 3 centuries. The farmer has a city-folk neighbor that moved in last year who often visits...

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