I Am Not A Jokes - 15 Hilarious I Am Not A Jokes

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I am not a "Grammar Nazi"...

I prefer the term "Alt-Write".

My girlfriend threatened to leave unless I stopped being delusional and admitted that I am not a Transformer

But I told her “Babe, I can change!”

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I am not a certified proctologist.

But i know an asshole when i see one.

My long distance girlfriend called me saying she finally wants to meet me in person. I left her this message right before my phone died: “This is very important: I am not a man that normally makes huge commitments, but I think the time is right for us to see each other.”

Unfortunately, my phone died right after “man.”

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I am not a fan of Islamic pubs.

You can't drink alcohol, or get a bacon sandwich. Women can get stoned there though.

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Son to Father, I am not a virgin anymore

A teenage boy to his father: "Father, I am not a virgin anymore."

Father: "Wow that's great. Come, let's sit down and drink something to celebrate this moment."

Son: "Ok, I can drink with you but I really cannot sit down for a while."

I am not a gambling addict.

In fact, I'd bet $1000 that I could stop any minute now.

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I am not a pimpstagram

Said the gangster to his grandma

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How I know I am not a Racist...

Racism is a crime and crime is for black people.

I am not a superstitious man

for I hear that those who are have the WORST of luck.

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Due to covid-19, I am not able to have a wonderful wagyu steak dinner at a restaurant for my anniversary

Usually it's due to the lack of money.

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So singing some rap songs with my black friends in the car and they are picking on me because as a white guy I am not allowed to say the n word when it pops up in the songs.

But jokes on them, I can say a lot of other words that they can’t.
Like “thank you officer have a nice day.”
And also “happy birthday uncle dad”

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The troubles of foreigners in Canada

A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.

"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water."

"But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."

"Wait a...

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A dog attacks a little girl

A man is walking in Central park in New York sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.
He runs over and starts fighting with the dog.
He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A journalist arriving soon takes pictures and says: \- "You are a hero, tomorrow ...

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A jew visits a brothel

He talks to the guy at reception:

- Hello, I want to see Samantha.

- One moment sir.

A beautiful young woman comes downstairs.

-Have you asked for me?

- Yes, I want to spend the night with you.

- Alright but my service is a bit expensive. $1000 for a night....

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