UPJOKE

I'm Tired Jokes

Actual conversation today. My wife: "i'm tired of anaesthesiology. What other area of medicine should I try?"

Me: I don't know. Emerg?
Wife: Nah, I want something lower stress. Hey, what about sleep medicine?
Me: Sleep medicine?
Wife: Like, helping people with sleep disorders and such. I wonder what sort of education i'd need?
Me: Probably night school.

I'm tired of people misunderstanding my intent.

I'm going to start using /s on my posts to mark sincerity. /s

As a Nevadan, I'm tired of people insinuating that we can't count. We are a great state filled with intelligent people. In fact, I can list off 20 ways we are better than our neighboring states.

Just let me take my shoes and socks off first.

Mommy Mommy, I'm tired of walking in circles

Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.

I'm tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment

I did it once and killed a cyclist.

Why I'm tired

The population of this country is about 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work. ...

I'm tired of seeing "Hey OP, I banged your mom" comments every time I post a submission....

I never should have given dad my username.

I'm tired of people complaining...

$5 for parking, $3 for coat check, $10 for a martini. I'm not inviting them to my house anymore.

Shawn: *yawns* I'm tired

Shaun: *yauns* me too

Sean: *yeans* yeah same

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The Russian says "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have vodka."

The Scot says says "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have Scotch."

The Mexican says "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have tequila."

The German says "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have beer."

The Italian says "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have wine."

The Greek says "I'm tired ...

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I'm tired of hearing homophonic jokes!

They all sound the same!

Why I'm tired

For a couple of years I have been blaming it on lack of sleep,not enough sunshine,too much pressure from my job,ear wax buildup, poor blood,or anything else I could think of.But now I found out the real reason.Im tired because I'm overworked.And here's why:The population of this country is 273 milli...

I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about blondes

A blonde got really tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom.

As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, *"I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!"*

Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a r...

Donald Trump finds a magic lamp. He rubs it, and a genie comes out.

Genie: "I grant you three wishes."

Trump: "I'm tired of getting sued for everything I do. I want there to be no more courts."

Genie: "Granted. You have no wishes left."

Trump: "What the hell? You told me I had three wishes, and I only used one!"

Genie: "Sue me."

I'm tired of people asking what my sign is.

Stop okay?



I like octagons.

I'm tired of following my dreams

I'm just gonna ask where they're going and hook up with them later.




(I used to miss Mitch. I still do, but I used to too.)

I'm tired of explaining to my spiritual Guru how E-mails work.

He can't just understand what attachments are!

I'm tired of pre shredded cheese

Make America grate again

I'm tired of people pushing me around and talking behind my back.

But that's just how things go when you are in a wheelchair, I guess.

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I'm tired of people comparing Trump to Hitler.

After all, Hitler wrote his own book.

I'm tired of being a Psychologist...

I don't like APA style et. al.

I wish I could see what it was like to be fat for just one day.

I'm tired of being fat every day.

I'm tired of searching for x

And Mister, don't ask y

I'm tired of people saying I sit too much

and I will not stand for it

Issac Newton is the reason i'm tired in the morning...

...since an object at rest tends to stay at rest.

Also, because it's too damn early this think about physics.

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I'm tired of all this sex on the television.

I keep falling off.

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Having invented a time machine I'm going to do the art world a favor

I'm going to make sure Adolf Hitler never gets into art school. I'm tired of seeing his paintings everywhere.

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I'm tired of my wife complaining about the clogged septic system...

She keeps bringing that shit up.

I'm tired of this one night stand mentality in college...

I have multiple lamps and alarm clocks, I need at least two night stands.

I'm tired of people hating on integral calculus for being so shallow!

Integrals are more than just the sum of its parts!

I'm tired of people dissin Arabs like wtf they don't all make bombs.....

They make slurpees too.

I'm tired of people stomping all over my hard work, trampling on it without even noticing.

Maybe I should quit my job at the doormat factory...

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A lady who is cheating on her husband

There's a lady who is cheating on her husband. One day while they are having sex she hears her husband pull into the driveway. Her boyfriend says "oh no! What should we do?!" She says "hurry! Get dressed and go to the living room!" Once they're in the living room she starts sprinkling baby powder al...

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The Redneck Joke

Two Tennessee Rednecks, Bubba and Jim Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer.
Bubba turns to Jim Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes." Jim Bob thinks it's a go...

I'm tired of all these farming tips. Let's face it, there's only one thing that makes you good at farming

Step one: be a tractor

Step two: don't be unnatractor

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