UPJOKE

I'm so thirsty...

It seems like I've been standing here waiting for hours. My feet are hurting. What's the hold up here? I'm so thirsty, my mouth is dry and all I can do is think about how terrible this band is and who the hell are all these people anyways, and why are they all in front of me in this really long pun...

A man is travelling through the desert...

when he runs out of water. He is worried since the next town is not for 10 miles, so he is beginning to worry. Just then, however, he sees a man on a camel in the distance. When he gets nearer to the man, he sees that he is carrying bags full of neckties.
r>"Please, sir, can you spare any wate...

A monkey is in a tree smoking a joint...

A monkey is in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard crawls up the branch to the money and asks "What are you doing?" The monkey responds, "Smoking a joint. Want a hit?"

The lizard takes a long drag and after a minute says "I'm so thirsty, I need to take a drink from the nearby lake." The li...

An Englishman, a German, a Frenchman, and a Jewish guy are lost in the desert.

The Englishman says "I'm so thirsty, I must have some tea!"
The German says "I'm so thirsty, I must have ze beer!"
The Frenchman says "I'm so thirsty, I must 'ave some wine!"
The Jewish guy says "I'm so thirsty, I must have diabetes!"

So a Lizard and a Koala sit in a tree an smoke a joint...

They are smoking, talking, simply having a good time. After about an hour, the lizard says: "Man, I'm so thirsty... I gotta go down to the river and drink some water." So he climbs down the tree and goes to the river. There an aligator is chilling in the water and shouts: "Hey Lizard, whats going on...

Prom needed to be perfect...

And it shaping up to be just that for Johnny.
He was going to prom with the prettiest girl in school and it would be a night to remember, he just had to do a few things beforehand.

Johnny went to get his tuxedo first and found the perfect tux, so he went to get it fitted. He waited in th...

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