UPJOKE

I'm Hungry Jokes

"I'm hungry. I just need something small to satisfy, any suggestions?"

"...Maybe the chicken strips for $6?"

"Maybe it does, but that doesn't help with my hunger."

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Lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to her husband Johnny:

"I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin." 


Johnny replies. "That's no big thing in this day and age." 


The wife continues. "Yeah, I've been with one other guy." 


"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" 


"Tiger Woods." 


"Tiger Woods, the golfer?" 
...

I'm hungry

Friend: If you're hungry, then I'm Austria.

I'm hungry

A boy walks up to his dad.
"Dad I'm hungry."
"Hi hungry!"
"Dad I'm serious."
"I'm sorry serious, I thought you were hungry."
The boy then dies of hunger.

Dad, I'm Hungry

Dad: Hi Hungry, I'm dad.

Hungry: Why did you name me like this

Guy takes his girlfriend to the prom...

So this guy is taking his girlfriend to the high school prom. And he's got a lot of work to do.

First he has to rent a tux, so he goes to the tuxedo store. But there's a huge tuxedo line at the store. Finally he gets out of there and realizes he has to go buy a corsage, so he goes to a flo...

Wow I'm hungry.

I haven't eaten all year.

A few years ago I had a proud (step)dad moment I think this sub will like..

This was right after picking her up from preschool. She was usually a bit grumpy and I always tried to be fun and keep the drive home more upbeat.

 

Her: "I'm hungry."

Me: "Nice to meet you, hungry, I'm dad."

Her: "Ahhhhgh could you not say that anymore?"

...

Two birds are on a tree branch in the middle of the night

Bird 1: "I'm hungry, I'm going to try to find a mouse to eat."

Bird 2: "You sure? It's pretty damn dark to find a mouse."

Bird 1: "There's no harm in trying."

Bird 2: "I guess.."

*So bird 1 flies off into the darkness. Some time passes and the sun begins to rise. Bird 2 s...

I started a new job today doing parcel delivery, at my first drop the homeowner had left a note saying we're out so please hide in the bin.

I'm still hiding, I'm hungry and it's dark, help!

Conversation between father and son

Dad，I'm hungry

hi hungry，I'm Dad！

Dad, I'm serious.

No, you're hungry！

You're kidding！

No, I'm Dad！

A dad joke

"Dad I'm hungry."

"Hi hungry, I'm dead."

"Haha, you mean dad."

"No. I have inoperable brain cancer."

"...wha-"

"I've been waiting for the right moment to tell you."

An optimist and a pessimist were riding a bus together when the optimist got hungry.

"Let's stop at the next restaurant," said the optimist. "Then we can take the next bus and continue our journey."

"I don't think that's a good idea," said the pessimist. "It could cause something bad to happen."

"Or it could cause something good to happen," replied the optimist, "and b...

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Daddy shark was teaching his son how to hunt...

"You see those humans over there son..."
"Yes Dad, shall we attack them by surprise?"
"No son, first we circle round them for about ten minutes..."
"But dad... why? I'm hungry!"
"Well son, they taste better without any shit in them..."

My favorite Mitch Hedberg joke:

I had a parrot. The parrot talked, but it did not say "I'm hungry", so it died.

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Free drinking with a sausage

English is not my first language, so if you can improve the joke, let me know! :)




It was a Saturday night, and 2 friends (John and Mike) wanted to drink badly, but had no money.

So Mike had an bright idea and said:"hey so hear me out John. I got a sausage, I'll put it in m...

A football player was famished after a big game, so he ordered a large pizza.

The server asked him if he wanted it cut into 8 or 10 pieces. He said, "Just eight thanks, I'm hungry but I don't think I could eat ten."

Two hobos get together at the end of the day to see how much money they have.

Hobo 1: "I only have 1 dollar, what are we going to do?"

Hobo 2: " I have nothing. Okay, let's buy a Bologna sausage and then go to a bar, I have an idea."

So they buy a bologna sausage and go to a bar and drink a couple of beers on the tab. They have a great time, but it's getting qui...

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Turtle Picnic

Three turtles named Tom, Dick, and Harry are roommates. One day they decide to go for a picnic on Picnic Hill. So they pack up a picnic basket and set off. It takes them ten days to get there.

As they're setting up the picnic, Tom pulls out a few bottles of beer and asks Dick "did you pack t...

I just had dinner at a Chinese-German fusion restaurant a couple of hours ago

The food was great but now I'm hungry for power.

Two bats are sitting in a cave...

...one looks at the other a says, "I'm hungry. Think I'll go get some blood". So he flew out of the cave.

About an hour later he returns with his face covered in blood. His buddy looks at him and says, "Wow! How did you get all that blood?".

"Well...", he replies, "you know when you a...

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A mama shark and a her pup were swimming by a beach

The pup turnes to its mother and said "Mom, I'm hungry".

"Just find some swimmer, swim a couple laps around him, and dig in, child", she replies.

The pup is impatient and says "But swimming laps takes so long! I'm just going to dig in instead".

"Go ahead, but don't come crying t...

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So I was at this lap dancing joint a week ago...

And as I slid a $10 note into her lacy panties she leaned over and said to me "come up in an hour and we can have super sex".

"Great!" I replied. "I'm hungry, I'll have the soup!".

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Hitler walks into a restaurant...

Adolf walks in to a restaurant and states, "I'm hungry!"

The owner asks, "Well, what do you want to eat?"

Hitler replies with, "As long as it's *not-sea*food, I'm sure I'll love it!"

Every day, a woman stood on her porch and shouted ,"Praise the Lord!"

And every day the atheist next door yelled, "There is no Lord!"

One day she prayed, "Lord, I'm hungry. Please send me groceries."

The next morning she found a big bag of food on the stairs. "Praise the Lord," she shouted.

"Ha! I told you there was no Lord," her neighbour said, j...

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2 dudes walk into a bar....

half way through drinking they realize that they dont have money.

guy 1 pulls out a hot dog and say I have a idea. they start to "play" with the hot dog.

the bartender wasn't having any of it and kicked them out.

guys 2 thought to go to a couple more bars and they keep pulling t...

Even with short term memory loss I can tell you without a doubt..

man i'm hungry right now

I'm basically a walking Dad joke.

My daughter ran up to me and said, "Daddy, I'm hungry!" I replied, "Give me a better opener, that bit's played out."

THREE vampires walk into a restaurant one casual night.

The host welcomed them in and showed them their seats.

While they were seated, a waiter comes by to ask for their orders:

Vampire 1: "I'm hungry and have saved a lot of money for such an occasion. I'll have a glass of your finest human blood"

Vampire 2: "I'm kinda saving up for...

Two vampire bats were hanging arround

Suddenlly the first one states: "I'm hungry, I'm going to grab a bite to eat" and he flies off.

Half an hour later he returns with a huge smile on his face and blood on his chin.

The other bat asks: "Did you get your fill?"

"Oh boy did i ever. Do you see that red roofed barn way...

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A man goes in the jungle..

Suddenly he comes across a tiger. The tiger looks at the man and tells him," I'm hungry and I am going to eat you whole. But I am going to give you a chance to survive. I'm going to ask you a riddle. If you can answer this question,I'll let you go.

"When the day after tomorrow is yesterday, t...

Eat your mother

Two cannibals, a father and son, are walking down the street, when they notice a hot girl passing by.

The son says to the father, "Daddy, I'm hungry, let’s eat that girl that just passed by."


The father replies, "I've got a better idea son, let’s take this one home and eat your m...

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A guy's driving his truck through a huge storm

He suddenly notices a man wearing a red raincoat on the side of the road waving at him, so he pulls over. He lowers the window and aks:

'What do you want?'

'I'm the red-coated dickhead, and I'm hungry!'

After a while, the trucker just throws out his lunch to the guy and then dri...

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A wealthy lawyer was riding in his car...

A wealthy lawyer was riding in his car when he saw a man on the side of the road eating grass. Disturbed and intrigued, he ordered his driver to stop. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.
The man said, "I'm hungry and i don't have any money for food."
"Come to my house and I'll feed ...

Tarzan and Jane.

Jane - Tarzan, I'm hungry.

Tarzan - Me go get dinner.

He tried very hard to find just the right game for Jane but the best he could do was to bag a chimp and a finch.

Jane was very angry. Truth is nothing was going to please her. It had been the same thing for the last week. ...

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A starving asylum seeker is greeted at Dover by a good fairy who grants him three wishes.

The asylum seeker says "I'm hungry." (POW) a huge banquet appears! He then says "Now I want a nice house." (POW) a big mansion with a swimming pool appears. He then says "I want to be British." (POW) everything vanishes! He asks "Where has everything gone?" the fairy says "You're British now mate. Y...

Two men are out on the street with only $3.00...

The first guy says "I want a beer but we don't have enough money." The second guy replies "I have an idea, I'm going to go buy a hotdog from the vender across the street remove it from the bun and put it in my pants. Then we will go to a bar, order a drink for each of us, drink them then I'll unzip...

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