UPJOKE

I'm Free Jokes

A prisoner has been digging up a tunnel under his cell for years

One day he while he was digging he saw the light, he reached the end of tunnel and ended up in a kindergarten playground

"I'm free, I'm free!" shouted the escaped prisoner

"so what? I'm four" said one of the toddlers

Yesterday, I called a local radio station to request "I'm Free" by The Rolling Stones. However, they played a song of the same title by The Who.

You can't always get what you want.

A prisoner digs a hole out of jail....

.... and ends up in a toddler playground
and yells "I'm free! I'm free!"
and a kids walks up and says "So big deal, I'm four!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My hot neighbor wanted to have sex all night long...

She's single . . . She lives right across the street.
I can see her house from my living room.
I watched as she got home from work this evening.
I was surprised when she walked across the street in the rain and up my driveway.
She knocked on my door . . .
I rushed to open it.
She...

Inmate escapes prison

Johnny had been in prison for only a year into his life long sentence with no hope for parole that he had decided that he would not be dying in prison. Using outside connections and some small favors he was able to get a small spoon and a local map of the surrounding area to the prison. After ten ye...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple is golfing on a golf course when their ball flies out of the course and smashes right through the window of an old mansion.

Shocked, the couple hastes to the old mansion and knock on the door.

A mysterious voice from within the mansion calls the couple to enter.

The couple enters the mansion and in the hallway they see an old man standing next to the broken window and a broken chinese vase with their golfba...

Why is everyone suddenly so busy?

Like, whenever I'm free, my best friend and my wife's busy. Whenever I'm busy they are suddenly free. What's the deal?

A man in prison

A man, who is sentenced to life imprisonment, decides to dig a tunnel to escape. He works for many months on this tunnel, and finally finishes it. He decides to break out during the day, figuring the guards will not suspect this. As he breaks through the ground to the surface, he finds himself in a ...

(A joke from ancient Rome) A wealthy idiot is sailing into a storm. It looks like the ship might sink, and his servants begin to cry in terror.

The man turns to his servant and says "If we sink and I die, don't worry. I'm freeing you in my will."

[nsfw] What did the amorous potato chip say to the battery?

If you're ever ready, I'm free ta lay.
(Everyready/Frito-Lay).

I have lived with this joke shrapnel for years and I thought I would share.

I passed by the prison today and they were playing soccer on the field

I shouted "Pass the ball, I'm free!!"

I drove by the local jailhouse today. The inmates were out in the yard playing football. I slowed down and yelled,

"Pass me the ball, I'm free!"

I called the local gym asking if they can train me to do gymnastics.

They said, "How flexible are you?"




I said, "I'm free Monday, Tuesday, and Friday."

A Scotsman, an Irishman, and an Englishman...

A Scotsman, an Irishman, and an Englishman are each sentenced to a year in solitary confinement; before being locked away, each is to be granted a year's supply of whatever he wants to help him get through the long, long spell alone.

The Scotsman asks for a year's supply of whiskey; it's give...

Genie Wish

A couple is playing golf when the man hits a wild shot that shatters the window of a nearby house. The couple head up to the door to apologize and offer to replace the window. To their surprise, a tall, handsome, mustachioed man in a turban answers. Before the couple can speak, the turbaned man says...

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