UPJOKE

Hum A Few Bars Jokes

A cop stops a motorist. "Sir, you were playing a trombone while driving. Do you know how dangerous that is?!"

"No, but if you hum a few bars, I'll fake it."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A piano player at a bar has a monkey as a sidekick . . .

. . . who collects tips in a tin can. While the piano player was playing, the monkey squatted over a man's glass and dipped his testicles in the drink.

Infuriated, the man yells at the piano player "Do you know your monkey dipped his balls in my martini ?!!"

The piano player replies "...

So this guy is watching the piano player at the bar

Suddenly the piano opens and a clown climbs out. The guy is amazed, but the piano player just plays on as if nothing happened. The guy rubs his eyes and decides to slow down a bit, and orders a glass of water. But ten minutes later another clown climbs out, and then one more, and the piano player...

At a job interview, they asked me how well I could perform under pressure.

I told them I could hum a few bars, but I was more of a fan of Bohemian Rhapsody.

Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

A: No, but that's cool man, you hum a few bars and I'll fake it.



A: Two hundred and twenty.



One to hold the bulb

Two to turn the ladder

Seventeen on the guest list.

200 to say their mate is on the guest list and they are their plus one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bar Joke Alert

Guy walks into a bar. There's a blind pianist with a dancing monkey there, but the man thinks nothing of it and orders a beer.

The monkey chitters, runs over, and dips his ass in the guy's beer before scarpering off.

Guy cusses out the monkey and orders a second beer. Monkey runs over ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy walks into a bar...

He notices an old drunk in a corner playing a piano. There's a scribbled sign that says "Taking Requests" and a tip jar. And on top of the piano sits a mangy looking monkey. The guy sits at the bar and orders a drink. As soon as the bartender sets the drink on the bar the monkey scampers over, jumps...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Took me a while

*When I was a kid, my mom always used to quote the punchline of this joke. Today, four decades later, I finally heard the joke itself.*

On a hot day, a guy ducks into a bar for a beer. There is no one in the bar but the bartender, a pianist, and a little monkey dancing on the piano.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and orders a martini. When its served a monkey runs up to the drink

and lowers his balls into the martini. Shocked, the man yells at the bartender, "Did you see that? What are you gonna do about that?" The bartender says, "I can't do anything, the monkey belongs to the pianist." The man storms over to the piano player and says, "Do you know your monkey dipped his ba...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The organ grinder

On a hot day an organ grinder comes into a bar with his monkey and orders a beer. As the organ grinder is sipping his beer, the monkey runs down the bar, squats over a martini, and dips his balls in to cool off.

The guy with the martini shoos the monkey away and orders another martini.
...

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