UPJOKE

How Do You Feel Jokes

Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?"

Father: "Ask your sister.”

Daughter: "I don't have a si-"

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Man, on a first date: How do you feel about sex? Woman: I like it infrequently.

Man: I see. Is that one word or two?

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How do you feel about sex?

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.They discussed fin...

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Therapist asks "How do you feel"

Therapist: How do you feel?

ME: With my hands.

A football coach was heading off the field after a terrible loss and a reporter asked him, “How do you feel about your team’s execution?”

He said, “I’m in favor of it.”

How do you feel about the prison library?

It has its prose and cons.

How do you feel when there's no coffee?

Depresso.

A man in Soviet Russia asks, another, "How do you feel about Comrade Stalin?" The second replies, "I feel the same way you do."

The first man replies, "Then I'm going to have to report you."

I once asked my girlfriend “How do you feel about condoms?”

She replied "Depends on what's in it for me."

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How do you feel about...

the asshole as a whole?

How do you feel when there isn't any coffee left?

Despresso.

I'll show myself out now, thanks.

How do you feel about hitchhiking?

It gets a thumbs up from me.

How do you feel about polygons?

Many sides, many sides.

In Jerusalem, a female journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out.

She went to the Wailing Wall and there he was!

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, she approached him for an interview.

“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wall and praying?”

“For about 60 years.”

“60 years! That’s amazing! Wha...

How do you feel if subjected to temperatures of absolute zero?

0K

A doctor is eating a late lunch at his favorite Chinese restaurant when he hears the dreaded words:

"Is there a doctor in the building?!"

He strides to the back where he sees the manager and a patron who looks pale and shaky.

"We've just had two people come down with some kind of sickness," the manager says, "the lady here, and another gentleman in the bathroom."

"How do you ...

Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Melbourne, Australia. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'

Jim says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz.
You wanna try it?'
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed.
The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In fact he feels GREAT! NO ha...

A very heavy blond went to the clinic to lose weight.

The doctor told her to eat what she normally ate for three days and then skip a day. He told her she would have lost at least 4 pounds till the next month.

She came back four weeks later, 30 pounds lighter! The doctor looked at her surprised and said "How do you feel now?"

Blonde: "I a...

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A young tourist sees an old Jewish person praying in Western Wall

They approach him and ask "how long have you been praying here?"
the old man folds his Talit and answer "every day since my Bar Mitzvah so about 40 years".
"so what do you pray for?" they asked.
"for solidarity between jews around the world" he continues " for peace between muslims and jews...

I told my friend, “ I was really depressed after I broke all my fingers in a car accident a few months ago.”

He said, “How do you feel now?”

I said, “With my elbows, mostly.”

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A captain calls his assistant, "I've got a job for you but first, go to the toilet and jerk off."

The assistant did so and reported back to the captain.
Captain said, "Good. How do you feel?"
Assistant said, "I feel great sir".
Captain said," Good. Now, go back to the toilet and jerk off once more."
Assistant did so, this time a bit tired, reported back to the captain.

Ca...

Baby mosquito came back after 1st time flying

His mom asked him "How do you feel?

He replied: It was wonderful,Everyone was clapping for me!

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The wise old Jewish man

A CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and a...

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