UPJOKE

House Builder Jokes

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Chris Pratt's German Joke (in English)

Dieter and his grandpa Peter are sitting on top of a hill. Peter turns to Dieter and says, "You see all those houses down there? I built them with my bare hands, but do they call me Peter the House Builder? No."

Then Peter points to a church by the houses. "I built that church with my bare h...

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Peter and his grandson are sitting on the mountainside that overlooks the town…

Peter says to his grandson, “look at those houses down there. I built all of those with my bare hands, but do you think they call me Peter the House Builder? No.”

He then gestures toward the town church and says, “do you see that church down there? I built that church with my bare hands, but ...

Why aren't dogs house builders?

They have trouble building woofs.

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A construction worker tells his story at a therapy session

"My name is Dave. I'm a good and honest guy, I'm loyal to my wife and work hard every day. Does anybody call me Dave the Hard Worker? I don't think so"



The doctor replied "Well, normally no one calls anybody that, so you can feel a little better. Continue"



"I've built t...

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An old man is sitting in a bar

The bartender sees that he’s upset and asks what’s wrong.

The man replies, “you see that wall over there, it took me 4 years to build that wall but no one calls me John the wall builder.

“You see that boat in the harbor? It took me 6 years to build that boat, but no one calls me John t...

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A father is sitting with his son on a hilltop looking over the village...

The father says: "Son there's something I want you to understand... you see that house we live in?"

The son responded: "yes, dad"

Dad: "I built that house with my bare hands. Do they call me Bob the house builder?" Son says no.

Father says "look at that wall around the village...

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Fritz and his grandpa Hans sit atop a hill overlooking their cozy little village.

Hans points at one of the houses and says "See that house over there? I built that. But do the people of our village call me 'Hans the house builder'? No."

Then he points at a bridge crossing a small stream and says "And see that bridge over there? I built that as well. But do the people of o...

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One baaaaaaad mistake

One day an 85-year-old man is taking a stroll around his hometown, which he has lived in for his whole life. As he sees the landmarks, homes, and streets from his youth, he starts reminiscing....

"I remember helping build that bridge when I was 25. I worked hard on that. But people won't call...

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2 Irish strangers sitting at the bar....

After a beer one Irish man points out the window to the other and says, "you see that bridge laddy? I BUILT that BRIDGE with me bare hands! But do they call me McGregor the BRIDGE BUILDER? No..



After 2 beers the Irish man points out the window again and says, "you see that house laddy...

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An unfortunate Scot

You walk into a bar and sit down next to an older, Scottish man. You order a beer, and before long he turns to you and starts chatting.

[Pointing out the window] Ye see that house over there? Built it with me bare hands, took me five years, but they don’t call me MacGregor the House Builder...

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Boy turns 18

So his dad takes him to a bar. On the way back the dad points at a bridge and says: "I build that bridge but they don't call me Tom the bridge builder." They continue walking and already see their house. The dad points at the house and says: "I build that house but they don't call me Tom the house b...

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A grandfather and grandson were standing on hill above town.

The grandfather says, "Peter, you see all those houses? When I first came here I helped build all those houses. Do they call me Michael the House Builder? No."

The grandfather points at a church, "Peter, you see that church? I built that church from the ground up. Do the call me Michael the C...

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Two Welshmen, Mike and Brian, are traveling down a river in a boat...

Mike: You know I built this boat?
Brian: Yes.
Mike : But they don't call me a boat builder.
Brian: No they don't.
Mike: See that house over there? You know I built that house?
Brian: Yes
Mike: But they don't call me a house builder.
Brian: No they don't.
Mike: But you fuck on...

An American on holiday wished to tour rural Ireland.

While in a pub he witnessed an old man at a table by a window weeping quietly with his pint untouched. Moved by the sight of the old man the American approached him and asked if he may sit with him. Without taking his gaze away from the window the old man absently gestures for him to have a seat. Th...

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On a trip to Ireland....

I stopped in a small town and decided to have a few pints in a local pub. As I sat down an older Irish man took up the stool next to mine. After a while we began to talk.

"Look out the window there sonny" he said. " You see that house down there at the end of the road? I built that house with...

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Frank and his grandson are sitting on a hill above their town

"You see that house down there?" Frank says to his grandson,

"I built that house, but they don't call me Frank the house builder."

Frank continues.

"And that Church, you see that church son? I built that church for the townspeople so the can all gather and worship. And that wa...

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A distraught Welshman sits down at a bar...

He orders a beer from the bartender and sighs. The bartender, hearing the exasperated sigh, asks "what's the matter, Alan?" Alan, after taking another sip of his beer says "I built the bridge over the river that leads in town, but you guys don't call me Alan the bridge builder." The bartender roll...

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McDoogle walks into a bar.

He starts ordering several shots to drown his sorrows. He says to the bar keep you know when someone builds houses does anyone say there goes McDoogle the house builder? No they don’t. McDoogle downs another shot and orders another. He takes the glass in his hand and says when someone rescues childr...

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An old man is talking to his granddaughter.

They are sitting on a bench overlooking the town.

The old man says, "You see that lighthouse? I laid every brick that's there today, but they don't call me The Lighthouse Builder"

" You see that dock?", he says to the girl," I put down every post holding it up right now, even in the ha...

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A young lad goes into the local pub..

...and finds old man McKeagan sitting at his usual stool. He asks him "old man McKeagan, what is it you're known for? Me da is O'Reilly the blacksmith, me brother is O'Reilly the carpenter. But no one will tell me what you're known for." Old man McKeagan slides off his barstool and says "Come with m...

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A guy walks into a bar

The only other patron is sat at the end of the bar looking very down in the mouth. The guy walks over and offers to buy him a drink. He asks him why he looks so depressed? The guy replies;" My name is Bill I've been a builder all my life..I bet I have built 50 houses...Do they call me 'Bill the hous...

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Bartender

A traveler walks into a bar, asks for the local brew, and the bartender's name.
Bartender says "you must be new here..." And takes out a perfectly pristine glass, sounds it around his hand, and pours a perfect pint. He says "that... Is the perfect pint of beer. I've been pouring the perfect pint ...

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