UPJOKE

"It’s really hot outside," a husband tells his wife, staring out the front window.

"What do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn naked?" he asks jokingly.
The wife replies without looking up from the morning paper, "They’ll probably think I married you for the money."

It's so hot outside

that I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof.

It’s really hot outside but fear not, my car has the deluxe 2fifty AC feature.

2 windows down, driving 50 miles per hour!

It's so hot outside that I almost called my ex.

So I could be around something shady.

A penguin is driving down a desert road...

when his car begins to sputter. He pulls over into a service station and leaves his car with the mechanic. The penguin goes into a nearby ice cream shop and buys a vanilla ice cream cone to try and beat the heat. It's so hot outside that the ice cream begins to melt all over his hands and face as he...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young boy is out fishing with his Grandpa (NSFW)

As they are sitting together, the Grandpa pulls out a cigar from his coat pocket. The boy, around 12 years old, looks over at his Grandpa with a curious gaze. The grandpa then takes out a lighter and ignites the cigar.

"Grandpa" he says, "Do you think you could let me try that?"

The Gr...

A penguin is driving and gets a flat tire.

He pulls over to the nearest gas station and speaks to the mechanic. “About how long to get this repaired?” says the penguin. “Should only be about 30 mins” he replies.

It is pretty hot outside, so the penguin decides to walk and get some ice cream. Thirty or so minutes later, the penguin is...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A redneck's dog is in heat and he walks in to a bar...

He ties the dog up to a tree outside. A police officer walks by noticing the dog is in its period and wants to be free to mate with other dogs.

The police officer then walks in to the bar and find's the dog's owner. He says to the man, "Your dog is tied up outside and she's in heat?" being no...

A penguin pulls up to a dealership

He barely made it there before his car gave out. The technician tells him that it's going to be a few hours before the repairs are finished.
The penguin sees an icecream shop across the street and goes inside. He asks the manager if it would be okay to hang out in the freezer because it's just t...

Three guys are crossing the desert.

Three guys are crossing the desert. A black guy, and white guy and a Mexican guy. They are allowed a total of 3 wishes to be granted for their journey across the perilous desert. Wanting it to be completely fair, they decide to make a single wish each.

The white guy goes first. He thinks abo...

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