UPJOKE

Hot Date Jokes

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A man scores a hot date

Not wanting to disappoint his date in the bedroom, he goes to the doctor to get his penis enlarged.
The doctor says, "we happen to have a new experimental procedure that uses muscle cells from an elephant trunk that should do the trick." To which the man accepts.

Later on, the man and his...

My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date and they said she was imaginary...

Well the jokes on them – they’re imaginary too...

A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?"

The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."
"TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"

A Duck scores lucky one night and takes his hot date to a posh hotel...

Realising his mistake early, he politely excuses himself momentarily - and dashes to the foyer, where he asks the manager to sell him a box of condoms.

"Certainly Sir, should I put them on your bill?"

"Don't be absurd" hastens the duck: "I'll suffocate!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You never told me about that hot date...

A man comes home to see his roommate sitting in the dining room drinking coffee.

"Hey man, you never told me about that hot date you had a little while back! What happened?"

The man suddenly bursts out crying and runs off to his room slamming the door behind him.

The roommate th...

Hot Date:

Girl: Sorry, I don't put out on the first date.

Me: [on fire] I respect that in a woman.

Who doesn't like a hot date?

A necrophiliac.

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My brother Jacks off to a hot date tonight

Fuck I forgot the apostrophe

A blonde goes on a hot date

A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat.
"No!" yells the blonde.
Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again.
"For the last time, no!" says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, "Well, why the hell n...

little johnny finally got to the third date....

and knowing the reputation of the girl he was seeing, knew that he would "get lucky" on this one... so off to the drug store he goes to get a condom.
"i got a hot date tonight and i need a condom!" he tells the employee there, who hands it over almost immediately...
"that'll be a dollar,...

Roman Dating

Caesar and Brutus were chatting over a goblet of wine one day.

Caesar says, "I had a hot date with a girl from Egypt that I met the other night."

Brutus asks, "What was her name?"

Caesar says, "Cleopatra."

Brutus asks, "How did the date go? "

Caesar answers, "vidi ...

a very enthusiastic teen

Went to the drug store to get the necessities of his first love making experience.
He said to the pharmacist "I need 12 rubbers. I have a hot date with the school tramp. We are going all the way tonight"

Later that night at his dates house. The girls family invites him in for some dinner...

A young guy bursts into a small corner shop late one evening…

“I landed a hot date tonight and she will be over any minute. I need a bottle of wine, a pack of condoms and a bag of oranges!”

The clerk cant help his curiosity. “What are the oranges for?”

“Halftime”.

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Now we know where little Johnny got it from

When little Johnny was 8 years old, he asked his father if he could have a bb gun. His father looked him in the eyes, and asked him; "I don't know son, does your dick reach your asshole?"
Little Johnny ran to the bathroom to check, only to come back disappointed.

"No sir"

"Well, th...

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So a guy is sunbathing nude......

as he has a very hot date later in the evening. He over sleeps and gets a terrible sunburn on his front side. He applies all of the lotion he can and heads off to the date. The couple has a great dinner and they head back to his place. The two are making out pretty heavy and she is grinding on his b...

A teenager walks into a pharmacy in the 70s...

He asks the druggist for a 1 pound, 3 pound, and 5 pound box of chocolate, and asks if he could gift wrap each one of them separately.

The druggist complies, but asks the boy why he wants 3 separate boxes, instead of just one?

The boy replies, “Well, you see. I’ve got a really hot dat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can your dick reach (original version]

I am sick of seeing this joke mangled into the nonsense form that is always posted here, so for future reference this is how it goes:

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A five-year-old boy goes up to his grandpa and asks "Can I have a dollar to buy some candy?" The grandpa replies "Can ...

A nervous man walks into a pharmacy...

... and the pharmacist asks how she may be of service.
"Well, you see, I uhh... I got a hot date tonight... and I'd like some... uhhh... you know..."
"Protection?" says the pharmacist.
"Yes, uhh... that's right."
"Small, medium, or large?"
"Uhh... I guess... medium."
"All right the...

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