UPJOKE

Hot As Hell Jokes

Lets face it English is a stupid language There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England

French Fries Were Not Invented In France.

We Sometimes Take English For Granted

But If We Examine Its Paradoxes We Find That:

Quicksand Takes You Down Slowly

Boxing Rings Are Square

And A Guinea Pig Is Neither From Guinea Nor Is It A Pig.

If Writers Write, H...

ENGLISH IS A FUNNY LANGUAGE

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant not ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English fo...

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They should call it Los Diablos instead of Los Angeles

Because holy shit it is hot as hell out here.

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Two muffins are in the oven

Two muffins are in the oven. One muffin looks at the other muffin and says "Damn, its hot as hell in here right?". The second muffin looks at him and says "Holy shit a talking muffin!" .

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Diary of an Englishman after he moves to South Africa....

**August 1**: Just got transferred with work from London, UK to our new home in Phalaborwa, Limpopo, South Africa. Now this is a town that knows how to live! Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I’ve finally fo...

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Longish literary-ish joke translated from Russian

Russia in the 1930s. Winter. Poverty. Famine. It's freezing cold. A poorly dressed kid is running across a courtyard with an armful of deadwood, followed by an angry caretaker.

The kid is running and thinking to himself:
>I gotta put an end to this. After all, I come from a nice family,...

Tried my best translating this fom Portuguese

A man and his wife decide that they would go on holiday to the same place where they had they're honeymoon 20 years ago. The wife couldn't make it because she had a problem in her job, so the husband catched the plane and his wife would come in the next day. When he arrives at the hotel he emails hi...

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Sex with your friends wife

A man walks up to his friend as says "Hey man, why did you have sex with my wife?" His friend replies "Well, I walked into my office, and she was laying on the table,naked, lookin' hot as hell... what did you expect me to do?"
"Ughh, I don't know, maybe the autopsy?!"

A couple...

decides to have an holiday in a Carrabean beach, the same one they went on honeymoon 20 years before. The wife has some work matters to solve, so she's going to reach her husband after a week. At his arrival, he notices a pc had been added to the room, and that he could write an e-mail to his belove...

Waiter Jokes.

Customer: Waiter there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter: Gee...look's like it's doin' the backstroke.

Customer: Waiter there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter: Don't worry sir, we don't charge for extra ingredients.

Customer: Waiter, there's a DEMON in my soup.
Waiter: Well sir, you said y...

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