UPJOKE

Hot And Sweaty Jokes

Every morning this week my girlfriend and I have been getting all hot and sweaty in the shower.

Cold handle's broken. Plumber'll be here Tuesday.

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"My vagina is like the local gym," said my wife.

"What?" I asked. "Hot and sweaty?"

"No," she replied. "Only a few members use it regularly."

The hot farmer

A hot, sweaty farmer walks into a bar and orders a cold beer. "Dang, our baler broke down in the field today, and its humid and 100+ degrees out," the farmer complains. "I'm so hot and sweaty from repairing that thing that I just want to rip off all my dirty, sweaty clothes and run around the bar in...

During a hot and sweaty yoga session, a femur and a humerus got real close. What did the humerus say to the femur?

“Quite the trochanter”.

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Hot and cold sex

After his examination, the doctor said to the elderly man: 'You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?'

'In fact, I do.' said the old man.. "After I have sex with my wife, I
am usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with h...

Moth Inspector

A man and a woman are getting it on in bed when they hear the front door open. The woman says, "It's my husband! You'd better hide."
She throws his clothes under the bed and he hides behind the curtains. Her husband comes in, sees her all hot and sweaty, and the sheets all messed up. He looks ...

A man goes to visit a lightbulb factory

The factory is very hot and sweaty and the work is clearly hard, even so the man says to a worker, "you seem happy."
"Why on earth would you think that?" replied the worker.


"Well, your constantly making light of things"

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Two men are cleaning windows on the 99th floor in a lift. One of them has an urge to pee.

Not wanting to travel all the way down Tom proposes he could piss down from the side. Chris hesitates a little because he's afraid of falling down. Tom says he'll hold Chris and Chris agrees. Chris starts pissing down but Tom gets distracted by a fly and he lets Chris go...


A month later ...

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The Italian Stallion and more

The Italian Lover

A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman.

Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired...

A catholic woman walks into confessional. [Long]

She sits down distressed and takes deep breathes to regain her composure. “Oh father” she says, “I have gravely sinned, I don’t know I can be forgiven”.

“Please speak freely my child” said the priest “only our lord can judge you”.

So she commences. —“Today I was walking to my apartme...

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So, an old married couple goes to the doc . . .

for their annual checkups. He sees the husband first, and he seems healthy, so the doc asks if he has any complaints. "Well, doc, we're having a little trouble having sex. When we do it the first time, I get all hot and sweaty, but the second time, I get chills, and I feel like I'm freezing." ...

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While redecorating a church, three nuns become extremely hot...

While redecorating a church, three nuns become extremely hot and sweaty in their habits, so Mother Superior says, "Let's take our clothes off, and work naked."
The other two nuns disapprove, and ask, "What if someone sees us?"
But the Mother Superior says, "Don't worry, no one will see us, w...

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