A 90 year old Holocaust survivor told me this joke.

Two Jewish guys are walking when one notices a sign on a Catholic church that says "Convert to Christianity, and we'll give you $100."
The one says to the other, "should we do it??" The other says "NO!! Are you crazy?" The first guy replies "Hey, a hundred dollars is a hundred dollars... I'm gonn...

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I was disgusted when my buddy told me he had masturbated to the Holocaust movie, Schindler’s List, so I asked him how in the hell he could possibly have felt okay doing that.

He looked at me curiously and said, “What do you mean? There was that one shower scene.”

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"The holocaust wasn't that bad"

"The holocaust wasn't *that* bad"
"Of course it was!"
"I'll prove it. I'll kill 6 million jews and one horse"
"Why the horse?"
"See? Nobody cares about the jews!"

The class is learning about the holocaust, when the teacher asks if anyone's grandparents died in the deathcamps. Little Billy puts his hand up.

"Oh... Class, let us hold a minute of silence for him. If it is not too indiscreet, how did he die?"

"Fell off a watchtower."

A Holocaust survivor passed away, went to heaven, and told God a Holocaust joke

God: Holocaust jokes aren’t funny

Holocaust Survivor: I guess you had to be there

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An old holocaust survivor dies and goes up to heaven....

He asks God,
"How do you get a girl's number in Auschwitz? Roll up her sleeve."
God doesn't laugh.
The Jew shrugs and says, "Eh. I guess you had to be there to understand".

Germany is a pretty weird country. If you deny the Holocaust, you go to jail.

But if you organize one, you are promoted to Reich Chancellor.

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An old holocaust survivor dies and gets into heaven

He seeks out God and asks him: "Hey God, I've heard this really funny joke on earth. Do you want to hear it?"

God smiles serenly and answers: "Yes, my son, please tell it to me."

The jew grins and says: "How do you get the number of a girl in Auschwitz? You look on her arm!"


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Cockroaches can survive a nuclear holocaust but can't survive a slap from a newspaper.

This shows how toxic the media is.

When you see pictures of the Holocaust it’s really sad

But it’s even more depressing when you realize the camera adds 10 pounds

I don't think holocaust jokes are funny. My grandfather died in a concentration camp.

He was so drunk, he fell off the watchtower.

So I read a book about the holocaust

And its really improved my cooking

A Jewish Man, Killed in the Holocaust, Rises to Heaven. Once there, he Tells God a Holocaust Joke.

God contemplates the joke briefly before echoing out in a thunderous voice:


The man simply shrugs:

“I guess you had to be there.”

Holocaust jokes are not funny

Anne frankly, im getting quite sick of them

My grandfather survived the Holocaust in Germany.

Then he quickly moved to Argentina.

Rant: Please stop posting holocaust jokes. My great grandfather died in a concentration camp and it's very painful.

He fell off the guard tower.

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Two Jews die in the holocaust and go to heaven.

Jew 1: *laughing* Remember when they made us stay outside and caused our toes to freeze and fall off?

Jew 2: *laughing his lungs out* oh yes! And remember how the gave us “coffee” that turned out to be coal mixed with oil?

The two laugh and laugh and God approaches

God: ...

Black jokes are funny, Jewish jokes are funny, Holocaust jokes are funny, 9/11 jokes....

are just plane wrong

Holocaust survivor dies

He goes before God and starts telling him holocaust jokes.

God says “My son I don’t know what you’re doing, but this isn’t funny.”

The man says”Oh well, I guess you had to be there.”

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Two jews that died during the holocaust get to heaven.

One of them says to the other “remember how they strip us down in the snow and made us wait there for 5 hours?”

The other laughs “yeah! Remember how they took your twin kids and preformed lethal surgery on them?”

The first guy laughs again “yeah!”

The two keep laughing as God ap...

I don't understand Holocaust deniers.

I think those people are in the wrong camp.

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My Jewish Grandmother's favorite Holocaust joke

It's Winter of 1942 and the German SS is in full extermination mode when a new train of Jews comes into the camp. Immediately the train conductor goes to the general and tells the general.

"These are the toughest Jews I have ever seen, General."

The general nods. "Then we will take no ...

Who caused the porpoise holocaust?

A dolphin

I'm very appalled by holocaust jokes.

They are of poor taste and aren't funny.
My own grandfather died in a concentration camp.

The poor fellow, god bless his soul, went to get some food and accidentally fell down from his watchtower.

What's the difference between the Holocaust and the Boston Marathon Bombing?

The Boston Marathon Bombing ended a race.

I was gonna tell a Holocaust joke

but I ran out of gas.

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Did you hear about the Holocaust?

The Jews did Nazi that one coming.

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[Offensive] What do you get when you cross a bowl of fruit and the holocaust?

Orange Jews from concentrate

My grandpa let 200 people go from a concentration camp in the holocaust

He was the worst security guard ever

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So a holocaust survivor wins the lottery...

So Moishe wins the lottery, reporters start asking this Holocaust survivor about his plans for the money. without hesitation he says he is going to commission a statue of adolf Hitler... the reporters are stunned and ask why a survivor of such an atrocity would do such a thing. Moishe rolls up hi...

People act surprised when I tell them my grandfather survived the holocaust.

Most of the guards survived didn't they?

What month celebrates Holocaust deniers?


My Great Grandpa nearly died in the holocaust! He was innocently doing his job when he was attacked by an angry mob!

Turns out the gas chamber malfunctioned.

What's the similarity between the moon landings and the holocaust?

They both use a lot of gas to send people far away

What would you call a second holocaust?

“Deja Jew”

So I was telling a holocaust joke to God the other day

He didn't get it, I think he might've needed to be there to understand.

I would appreciate it if we stopped posting Holocaust Jokes. They're not funny, witty, or humorous. My Grandpa died in the Holocaust

He fell off the Guard Tower

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Why did the Jews in Germany not establish an organization against the Holocaust?

There was too little interest.

Today someone at work made a holocaust joke...

Today someone at work made a holocaust joke which I over heard.

I walked over to him and said " you have any idea how offensive it is to tell a holocaust joke?! My grandfather died at a concentration camp over in German, so think before you speak"

He started to apologize and said he...

A 90 Year Old Holocaust Survivor Told Me This One...

"Don't you think I have anything better to do than give 20 people on Reddit the same joke every day for the past 2 years?"

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Hitler may be responsible for the holocaust

but EA is responsible for the hall of cost

Holocaust jokes are...

out of Mein Kamf-ort zone, Anne Frank-ly I find them offensive.

What's the difference between the Holocaust and a cow?

You can't milk a cow for 75 years

A 90 year old Holocaust survivor told me this joke.

How do you know when it's time to get a new Dishwasher?

When she cheats on you.


^(That makes it okay, right?)

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As today Jews worship "Yom Hazikaron laShoah ve-laG'vurah" - "Holocaust and Heroism Remembrance Day" - I am actually thankful that a good number of my friends are Nazis.

The number is zero, and that is indeed a good and proper number.

What is "Worse then the Holocaust"?

Poor Grammar

My friend told me a Holocaust joke

Anne Frankly I didn't like it.

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Some Jews are standing in a firing line (told to me by a Holocaust survivor)

So a bunch of Jews are standing in a firing line, lined up against a wall waiting to be executed.

The second-to-last Jew is watching as the Nazi soldiers patiently put 2 bullets in each head, slowly making their way down the line. Second-to-last Jew turns to the last guy in line and says, "I ...

An anti-vaxxer, a flat-earther and a holocaust denier walked into a bar

but got turned down by the bartender.

I think Holocaust deniers actually took what happened worse than the rest of us...

I mean, they’re still stuck on the first stage of grief.

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What does having sex with me and the holocaust have in common?

There are people who still deny it ever happened.

I'm getting really sick of all the Holocaust jokes...

My great grandfather died at Auschwitz, so I find these jokes really offensive. Granted, he fell out of a guard tower and broke his neck, but I think that still counts.

What did German kids get for Christmas during th holocaust?

Easy Bake Ovens

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Google is now filtering out Holocaust denier websites from searches

Now we will nazi those results.

Everyone keeps telling me that the holocaust happened..

But I don't know if it Israel.

Why are Holocaust jokes never clean?

Because they're full of Germans.

Holocaust jokes aren't as funny when you have a relative that died in a concentration camp.

To be fair though, if the fall from the gun tower hadn't killed Opa, the alcohol would have.

So I heard Microsoft pulled the plug after their chat robot slung slurs, ripped Obama and denied the Holocaust...

I guess there wasn't enough room for two Trumps in the Republican party.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The holocaust.

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