UPJOKE

Hole In The Wall Jokes

They found a little hole in the wall of the women's soccer team changing rooms.

Policemen are looking into it now.

Why did the electrician punch a hole in the wall?

He needed an outlet.

Locals have discovered a little hole in the wall of the women's bathroom

Police have said they're looking into it

Hole in the wall

A guy was walking next to a prison and he could hear the inmates shouting repeadetly "SEVEN, SEVEN, SEVEN, SEVEN". The curiosity got the better out of him and he decided to take a peek through a small hole he saw in the wall. The man screamed in agony as he got poked in the eye from the other side a...

An engineer, physicist, and mathematician have been imprisoned.

At some point, the warden realizes that the three men haven't been fed in a while. He accompanies an officer to check up on them. The warden and officer arrive at the first cell that contained the engineer. To their astonishment, the cell was empty and the wall had a hole in it.

"How is that ...

Last night an unknown person created a hole in the wall of the local brothel.

Police is looking into it.

This is the first joke I wrote by myself, feedback appreciated

A man came back home to his wife after a long business journey. After a happy reunion, their parrot suddenly started talking out of nowhere.

"Yes, put it in that hole!" it squawked loudly with a female voice.

"What the hell?" said the man. "Where did the parrot learn that?"

"No,...

A young boy asks an old man how he got to be so old

The old man tells the boy "Oh it's an old cowboy trick! Every morning I put a spoonful of gunpowder on my oatmeal!" So the young boy starts doing it and sure enough he lived to the ripe old age of 106. He left behind 3 children, 8 grandchildren, 4 great-grandchildren and a 30 foot hole in the wall o...

I was going to tell you a joke about a hole in the wall that money comes out of ..

But I can't think of one atm.

Gunpowder therapy

A boy goes to his grandfather and says "Grandpa, how did you ever get so old?"

"Well," replies the grandfather, "every morning, I pour a teaspoon of gunpowder into my coffee, and I guess that's the reason." So the boy begins drinking coffee and doing the same.

90 years pass, and the bo...

A tough old rancher once told his grandson that the secret to a long life was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.

The grandson did this religiously, and he lived to be 97. When he died, he left behind 14 children, 27 grandchildren, 34 great-grandchildren and a 15-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

Some guys robbed a bank, and to escape, they blew a hole in the wall...

the police are looking into it.

An Arabic joke I translated

So, there used to be a cruel man who would lock his children into a dark room in order to punish them. Fortunately for them, there was a hole in the wall they could barely escape through.

One day he's fed up of this and gets his wife and stands on her shoulders so he can reach the hole and se...

A distinguished looking man.

A distinguishing looking man in a red tie, a white shirt and dark blue suit, walks by a large official looking building and hears a small group of people gleefully chanting 14, 14, 14!

As he gets closer he sees what he thinks is a hole in the wall. He walks over to and then peeks in to see if...

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Glory!

In an old part of town there's an establishment often visited by a certain kind of people.

In addition to numerous items on display, the purpose of which is unusual but well known to those who frequent the place, there are a number of small booths arranged in pairs, each pair sharing a commo...

One night a man is driving down and old country road.

He comes across what looks like a Catholic mission in the middle of nowhere. On an old hand-written sign he sees "Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution".


He's been on a bit of a dry spell so he thinks, "What the hell, I gotta see this!"


He pulls over and knocks on the door. A ...

A policeman, an archer, and a soldier are on an airplane losing altitude.

The pilot yells to these passengers, "We're carrying too much weight, drop whatever you got!"

The policeman drops his pistol, the archer drops his bow and arrow, and the soldier drops a grenade out of the hatch door.

The plane still crashes, and all three passengers wake up in differen...

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Once a little boy asked to his father how he was born

Dad says:
\- Well, I got a stick and your mom have a hole, once I put my stick in it and you have born!
The next day, the boy catches a little stick while playing and found a hole in the wall, once he poked a cockroach appeared, he says:

\- Eeeeeeeeeew! I just don't kill you because...

How i learned to mind my own business

One day I was walking on the sidewalk next to a mental hospital and heard 13...13...13...
So I decided to peek through a hole in the wall and immediately got poked In the eye and heard 14...14...14...

Why don’t spaceships have bars?

In space, a hole in the wall would kill everyone.

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Mike went to brothel with 5$ to ask for a woman

But matrone sent his home. "You will need more money that that, honey."

So Mike returns next day with 15 $. Matrone sights and send his to room 9. There is a goat standing next to a bed. But Mike didn't want to give his money away for nothing, so he went with it.

He show up again afte...

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The Royal Newspaper

The Queen was overjoyed to receive a new royal pet, a tiny Siamese kitten. But one day, the kitten simply disappeared and servants searching high and low could not find her.

One servant thought he heard a scratching noise behind a small mouse hole in the wall, so the King ordered the hole to...

Hole in a Wall

While doing a wee, I once saw /
a mole that was quite the oddball /
it didn't live underground /
but rather, I found /
that it lived in the hole in the wall

So I peered in the home of the mole /
What I saw 'twas a sight to behol' /
inside was a place /
full ...

A man is walking by a mental asylum...

...when he hears the patients inside shouting 'FOURTEEN! FOURTEEN! FOURTEEN!'. The asylum yard has a 9 foot tall concrete wall, so he can't see inside, but he notices a small hole in the wall, about waist high. Curious, he approaches the hole and looks through it. A stick suddenly pops out of the ho...

Husband and wife are putting up Holiday decorations

when husband offers to hang the wreath. “But sweetums, you are inept and you have no tools,” says the wife. Husband shrugs and goes to Lowe’s to buy a hammer. He walks past a display for the new, Elf Steam Multi-Tool. The marketing was brilliant and it had a drill, three saws, and a sander - all wor...

Mental hospital

A man was walking beside tha wall of a mental hospital then he heard all the patients shouting 25,25,25 continuously. He thought what is happening inside why they are shouting 25,25,25 then he saw a hole in the wall and he peeped through it and at that moment someone from other side of the wall pok...

Mental asylum

Dude walks by the mental asylum and hears a person screaming "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!!!"

He thinks nothing of it and walks on. Later that same day when he's returning he hears the same voice screaming again "thirteen, thirteen!!!"

Then he sees a small hole in the wall and decid...

A young fella has a new job in the local asylum.

He notices that some patients are gathered around a hole in the wall and peeking through it. The young fella gets more and more curious what they are watching through the hole each day.

So he walks up to them and takes a look through the hole. Nothing. All he sees is an empty room. So he asks...

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Oouch

A married man died just
before sex.

His wife cut his penis, coated it with cement & fixed it on her bedroom wall.

Every night she used to stand against the wall & satisfy herself.

One day, her neighbour saw this.

He made a hole in the wall removed the husband'...

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Yikes. I think my sister is getting divorce oddly related to detective comics…

So I’m visiting my sister and her family in San Diego. They live in a beautiful house about a block and a half from the beach. It’s beautiful there. Long expansive vistas and soft warm sand.

I’m staying at their house. John and Tracy. Real good folks, or at least I thought. It’s a bit late i...

Walking past a lunatic asylum

Walking past a lunatic asylum , and I could hear the inmates shouting 13, 13, 13, 13, curiosity got the better of me but the walls were too tall to see over .all the time they kept on shouting 13, 13, 13, finally I found a hole in the wall so I took a peep and some fool poked me in the eye with a st...

I am at my local police station

and I just heard that someone stole their toilet now they have nothing to go on. To make matters worse someone made a glory hole in the wall of a stall they are waiting by it for anonymous tips. On top of that in their women's room they found a peephole, they are still looking into it.

A guy is passing a Mental Hospital

surrounded by a wall and he hears the chanting inside, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"
Curious to see what’s going on he finds a small hole in the wall, so he bends and peeks inside.
Someone inside pokes him hard in the eye and everyone starts inside chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourte...

What is the Kool-Aid Man’s favorite type of bar?

A hole in the wall...
OH YEEAAH

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A panda walks into a Chinese’s shop

The panda sits down and ask the waiter what’s the special

The waiter says “Wong tong soup”

The panda says “I’ll have 2”

The panda eats his meal and pulls out a shotgun and shoots a hole in the wall and starts to walk out

The waiter comes running up and says “you can do ...

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Out of paper

A man took a crap in a gas station and then realized there was no toilet paper. There was a hole in the wall and a sign above it that read: "When you go to the bathroom, wipe yourself with your index finger, stick it through this hole and it will be thoroughly cleaned." The man did exactly what t...

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[Long] This wealthy couple from New York made a trip down south...

To visit some relatives that retired down in Florida. They were big foodies and decided to make a stop in Tennessee because they had never had good southern food but had heard how good it was. They find a hole in the wall southern food joint and pulled their new Range Rover in between two old beat u...

A man driving down Route 66 stops by a gas station for the restroom...

Upon entering the store he sees the hot blonde behind the counter and asks her to use the restroom. She gives him the key and the man rushes to take care of business. After finishing he notices there's no toilet paper around and nothing else to wipe with. Then he spots a sign on the wall that reads ...

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Once upon a time, in the Wild West….

Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West.

So, Fred found his way to a frontier town and became the bartender at the wildest saloon in the territory. He soon proved how rough and
tough he was, and the owner of the ...

Brother Philippe

Brother Philippe worked at a monastery. New years eve comes around and Brother Philippe is stuck with the midnight shift. The weather is terrible. It's poring down. At 11.30 a strange comes in, with a hood covering his face. He ask for a room for the night and Brother Philippe says "of course". The ...

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You're in a heavily guarded room with walls all around you, and you only have a mirror and a table. How do you get out?

Well...
You look in the mirror, you see what you saw.
You take the saw, you cut the table in half.
Two halves make a whole, put the hole in the wall.
You talk with the guards until your voice gets hoarse, you get on the horse and ride away.

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A Businessman is on his way to a meeting...

He then found that he desperately needed to take a shit. He pulls over to the nearest gas station and goes into the bathroom. Once he finishes he realizes there isn't any toilet paper and the other stall is locked. He see's a small hole in the wall of the stall he was in with writing above it that s...

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A priest dies and stands in front of God.

A priest dies and stands in front of God.

God looks at the priest's ledger of good and evil and smiles after finishing it. Looking up at the priest, God says "I'm satisfied with how you've lived and how you've spent your life. I give you the option to choose — Hell or heaven?"

The prie...

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