UPJOKE

Hold Your Breath Jokes

How long can you hold your breath for?

"Longer than you can last in bed!" my beautiful, blonde girlfriend proudly declared.

"You're on!" I replied.

That night we both plopped onto the bed and began screwing. My girlfriend closed her mouth and pinched her nose as she rode on top of me. Meanwhile, I tried thinking of the mo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The billionaire and the mermaid whisperer

A billionaire is sailing his yacht past a lighthouse, and he sees the elderly lighthouse keeper out on the rocks at the base of the lighthouse, getting a blowjob from a mermaid - the top half was a stunning, curvy redhead, and the bottom half was a tiger shark. As he watches, the pair finish the act...

how to get rid of hiccups

Hold your breath for 15 minutes

Two friends are going on a trip.

They see its getting late so one sugests they stop at the first hotel. So they stop at the first hotel and when they are in they ask for a room.
"There is only one room left and its on the 100th floor but the elevator is broken. You will have to climb up stairs." said the receptionist. Friends lo...

I asked my coach if he thought I'd win today's swim meet.

He said to me "don't hold your breath, kid"

So I drowned.

The CDC just released their latest safety guideline update

On top of all of their other health recommendations to help prevent the spread they are now recommending that you hold your breath in order to prevent the spread.

Me to My Neighbour

we get it. you can hold your breath (*looks at watch*) for 19 days. Quit showing off and come out of that pool.

As a purple faced man I long to meet a purple faced woman someday...

Don't hold your breath

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Drunk Superman

This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out.

Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again.

...

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