UPJOKE

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What's the difference between a hoe and a prostitute?

One is a tool. The other is your mom.

Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros.

There needs to be a balance. A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

Hoe much does a chimney cost?

It's on the house

What do you call a hoe from Idaho?

A tater thot.

Bros Vs. Hoes. (credit to u/itshimstarwarrior)



*A woman doesn't come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The husband calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.*

**A man doesn’t come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he had...

Why is chicken a hoe?

Because chicken strips.

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How many dead hoes does it take to change a light bulb?

Definitely more than three because it's still dark as hell in my basement.

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Who is the biggest digital hoe?

Mrs. Pac-Man because for ¢25, she’ll swallow balls until she dies.

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Priest doing crossword in the confessional.

A priest sat in the confessional. He was bored by all the same old confessions, so he was working on a crossword puzzle. Suddenly, he heard the confessor saying, "Father? Father? Are you listening to me?"

"I'm sorry." said the priest, "Now I must be the one to confess. I was working on this ...

Its considered annoying to get a kink in your hose

Which is strange, because most people like kinky hoes

My girlfriend told me there is no way you can turn a hoe into a housewife

I said "Yes you can". She said "How"?

I proposed.

What did the German say after leaving the brothel?

Later Hoes Inn

What do you call a hoe bending over?

Trampoline

A philosopher saw a pimp having a sale on some of his hoes

The philosopher said: a penny for your thots.

What kinda hoes help you tend to your garden?

Helpful hoes.

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What did the pirate say to the prostitute pilot?

Land, hoe!

What do the seven dwarfs say when they go to the club?

Hi hoe!!!!

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What do pirates call prostitutes

Land-Hoe!

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What's the difference between a bitch and a hoe?

The hoe fucks everyone at the party. The bitch fuck everyone but you.

There is a scar on my dad's foot from when he was younger and stood on a hoe

And then she stabbed him in the foot.

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An Hammer had sex with an Hoe.

They named their baby Homer

What do a serial killer and a prolific gardener have in common?

Both of their sheds are filled with hoes.

Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros. There needs to be a balance.

A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

Blonde wife

A blonde woman and her husband had an argument. The wife felt bad after her husband stormed out of the house so she went to the hardware store to buy him a makeup gift. The store clerk asked her what she had in mind for her husband. She said, "Well, the last thing he told me he wanted was a cheap ho...

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Y'all hoes need to stop asking God for a good man

cause I can't be everywhere at once. This shit is exhausting.

Garden-variety hoe...

still sounds like a terrible insult despite clearly specifying which kind of hoe is meant.

Her: “Denounce all your hoes!”

Him: “All my Hoes, stand back and stand by...!”

What do you call a bunch of hoes on the subway

A train of thot

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What do you call a goth prostitute?

Edgar Allen Hoe

My girlfriend lives in Portland, she’s my Maine hoe

But I got a girl in Boise who’s my Sidaho

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Ms. Pac Man is the biggest hoe in history

For 25 cents she swallows until she fucking dies.

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Who's the biggest hoe in history?

Mrs. Pacman. For 25 cents, that bitch swallowed balls till she died.

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What does a pimp with three hoes say to them on Christmas morning?

"BITCHES, get back to work!"

There a 502 bricks in a plane, one falls out, how many bricks are left?

501

Hoe do you put an elephant in a fridge?

Open the door, put the elephant in, shut the door

How do put a giraffe in a fridge?

Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door

The lion king invites all the animals to a party, but ones missi...

So, I asked my German grandfather hoe racist he was, scale of 1 to 10

He said "NEIN!"

Hoe much do pirates charge for corn?

About a buck an ear.

Thoughtful Drug dealer.

A man gets pulled over by a police officer, and the cop pulls him out of the car and asks "Do you have anything I should know about before I look in there?". The guy shrugs his shoulders and the cop begins looking in the car. He pops the trunk and finds a kilo of coke. He holds it up and turns back ...

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Santa Claus breaks down in the hood

So, one Christmas Santa Claus's sleigh broke down in the hood, around a bunch of hookers, and Santa Claus got knocked the fuck out, and the cops rolled up and asked what happened, and the hooker said, ain't nobody gonna be callin me a hoe 3 times

What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

Santa has only 3 hoes.



This is from my elementary school.

When daughter dresses inappropriately for Christmas Dinner.

Mom - Can't you dress like a lady for Christmas Dinner atleast. If you behave like a bad girl, Santa won't bring you presents.

Daughter - Mom I'm old enough now. How would know if I dressed inappropriately?

Mom - Don't you know he goes around the neighborhood on this reindeer sledge ye...

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I got so many bitches and so many hoes.

Then again, it's unsurprising considering I'm a farmer.

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Adam wakes up hungover as fuck and has no ribs.

"What the fuck happened last night!!??" Flashback to Adam and God drinking it up the night before. Adam: "ohhhh.. we're gonna need some hoes up in herrr!" God: .....

Everyone’s saying “Bros before hoes”...

But if you ask me, I’d say you need a balance,

A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

If minecraft taught me one thing...

It's to never spend diamonds on a hoe.

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Two Native American women were at a bus stop.

They get approached by a couple of prostitutes and one of them says, “ hey where are you two from?”

One of the Native American women responds, “Well I’m Navajo and she’s Arapaho, what about you two?”

To which the prostitute replies, “Oh interesting, well I’m a New York hoe and she’s a ...

Did you hear about the pimp who took up gardening?

He had a lot of hoes.

What do you call a hoe that you use to stir a fire.

An ash hoe.

Hoe do you know if a snowman has been sleeping in your bed?

You wake up wet.

What has four legs and says "hoe de doe, hoe de doe"?

Two black guys trying to catch an elevator.

What does santa say to naughty adults?

Hoe hoe hoe

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What do you call a prostitute with a small ass and a big appetite?

Bottomless hoe

I didn't know how to prep my soil for gardening, so I asked Ludacris. He said...

"USE A HOE"

"USE A HOE"

"USE A HOE"

"I SAID TO USE A HOE!!!"

I own a chain of garden centres across the US

I got hoes, in different area codes.

What's the difference between a farmer and a pimp?

The farmer makes an honest living with his hoe

What does Santa say when he finds that his wife is cheating?

>!HOE HOE HOE!!<

A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down.

AAA (Antarctic Automobile Assn) tows it to the garage in the nearest town, where the mechanic says he has time to look at it, give him half an hour.

The penguin wanders down the street to an ice cream shop and decides to beat the heat with a cone of his favorite flavor, vanilla. Of course, b...

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